Roxy the Killer

Storybook Index

2011-03-29T01:44:00.000-07:00

Note: The StoryBook Index will now appear at the top of all posts. Because You Suck will still be updated as usual. This just makes it easier to post different stories. Because You Suck will not "die," since it's my main focus. This is just so I can publish other stories I've kept hidden!

Because You Suck [updated February 14 2011]
Opposites attract and make unlikely bedfellows in this epic high school soap opera, where a shameless conformist falls for an unlikely rebel. Two boys, one unconventional love story.

Most Recent: Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 24

Chapter 22: Part 23 /Chapter 22: Part 22 /Chapter 22: Part 21 /Chapter 22: Part 20 /Chapter 22: Part 19 /Chapter 22: Part 18 /Chapter 22: Part 17 /Chapter 22: Part 16 /Chapter 22: Part 15 /Chapter 22: Part 14 /Chapter 22: Part 13 /Chapter 22: Part 12 /Chapter 22: Part 11 /Chapter 22: Part 10 / Chapter 22: Part 9 /Chapter 22: Part 8 /Chapter 22: Part 7 /Chapter 22: Part 6 /Chapter 22: Part 5 /Chapter 22: Part 4 Chapter 22: Part 3 /Chapter 22: Part 2 / Chapter 22: Part 1

Start: Because You Suck: Chapter 1: Part 1

Valentine's Day Sucks
So does kleptomania, hypothermia, and being alone. How two boys make the most out of a holiday spent stuck in their school's icy-cold basement.

Most Recent: coming soon
Start: coming soon

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 24

2011-02-14T06:10:00.000-08:00

Note: Sorry if this totally clogged your inbox! And no, this is not the -end- of BYS. After counting the pages, I realized that if I keep posting sections like this, BYS will hit the SPAM filter. So, I calculated that if I post once a day, the whole thing will be up by the time February ends... marking the real end of BYS. So, it's on. No antisocial flakiness this time.

Just as Zach left Johnson’s office, Nasty snapped her fingers at him. She didn’t say one word, just shoved another yellow note in his hands and told him that the attendance officer needed to see him.
“Attendance officer? You mean Ms.Peruvia, the attendance lady?”
“The attendance officer. Get going, she’s very busy.”
“That’s what she’s paid for,” Zach thought to himself, as he headed over to her tiny office at the far side of the rectangular building.

It all happened so quickly, but somehow it ended with Zach quietly crying in the office, sobbing that,
“I can’t go to Juvenile hall! What would I tell my cellmate? That I’m here because I refused to leave the office? I can’t go to Juvenile hall…”
The second officer stood up and left the office, only to be approached by a slender wide-eyed black woman who demand what was wrong and where her son was. He didn’t have to guess, he already knew whose mother she was.
“I’m sorry. Your son’s all right, nothing happened. Everything just happened so quickly.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 23

2011-02-14T06:06:00.000-08:00

Johnson breathed in deeply, took of his glasses, and rubbed the side of his forehead.
“I’ve checked the notes written about you and your record… you’ve been written up more than once. And even if Gentry knows his way around computers, I will let you in on a secret. The school keeps those records in written form, and if your future college calls us, we tell them about personal problems we have with you. That’s how, if you keep getting low grades, sitting in detention, and risking suspension, you could be throwing away your future.”
Zach frowned, blue eyes growing cloudy at the thought of a bleak future where it would just be him with his ideas, unable to change the world. Like that homeless man he saw on street the other day, standing outside the convenience store with “Jesus is Dead” stitched on the flea-bitten rug hanging over his cart— A statement ignored by people passing by, a look of silent death on his face. Was this Gentry’s fear, too? Growing old and haunted by missed opportunities, permanently stuck that moment in time when you realize your time of brilliance has passed?
That one brilliant moment.
“You have potential, Zach. You have potential to shine brightly if you do the right things. Your idealism should never get in the way of your education, because education is the key to social advancement. You need to approach the world more realistically if you want to become successful.”
“Why don’t you tell that to Gentry.”
Johnson made a face, then leaned his elbows down on the table.
“Do you know why the cameras in the office don’t work?”
“No.”
“Gentry would never have made it to the swim team without my help. During his freshman year he torched the office. He destroyed the cameras and every paper file, but no one ever suspected him— I made sure of that. I forced him to join the swim team, then had him lead a fundraiser to rebuild the office. Thousands of dollars of my hard-earned money and every legal resource I had went into my son’s clean record. I can’t remember how many times I’ve asked him why he did it.”

Zach sunk low in his seat, and said in a near-whisper, “What did he say?”

“He told me they should have been prepared, because you never know what happens. Even now he keeps a lighter on him, just to make me angry. But I’m not angry, Zach. I’m frustrated. Gentry lives to manipulate others… he likes to have power, but doesn’t know what to do with it because he has no goal. He also has no steady virtues to go by, but it’s not his fault he was born that way. Yet you can’t fix that, and you can’t fix him.”

“I don’t want to fix him,” Zach protested “and that story doesn’t scare me. I like him the way he is. If you love someone, you take the dirt with the rest. You think I don’t know what you’re telling me? I do. I also know that he was there for me when no one else was. That he gives a fuck about me, and takes me seriously. Whatever bad parts he has, I can handle them. We fight because he knows me like he does, and that’s also why I love him. Because no one else is strong enough to take me on, and no one else cares enough to think about the things I say.”

“Zach, you’re a sweet kid. You have all these ideas about what love is and isn’t… about what’s right and wrong. And you have hope that people will do something just because it’s logical and fair. But people aren’t always like that. Gentry isn’t just fighting you, he’s fighting everybody. Why? Because he wants to prove that he’s strong enough not to need anybody. You aren’t like that, Zach. You want people, you want to make connections, have friends, be loved completely. That’s perfectly normal, but not everyone is born that way. Some people are exceptions to the rule. Some people are born to be wrong. And no matter how sincere you are, there will come a time where will drift apart. Eventually you will get tired of his constant problems, his destructiveness, his anger. You want things, too, Zach… things he can’t or won’t give you.”

“Yeah, well. You can’t just give up on someone because they don’t give you things.” Came the reluctant reply.

“It’s your call, Zach... but don’t let your idealism get in the way of your education.” Johnson stood up and slid him the grade report, “It’s a harsh world out there, and if you don’t fight for yourself, no one will.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 22

2011-02-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

“It’s quite a leap from the D you had in your first quarter, yet I won’t ask how that happened because I have a feeling I already know. Generally, you get good grades. Your Estonian records show all-A’s. I find that remarkable, and proof of your capabilities. Yet during your freshman and sophomore years, you began to get C’s and B’s.”

“I don’t know why you’re telling me what I already know.”

“You have a lot of potential, Zach. You have the potential to be the star of this school. To be a leader.”

“Why would I want to lead a bunch of morons?”

“I have a question for you.” Johnson paused and leaned back into his seat, hands folded in his lap, “Why are you so defensive?”

Zach sunk back in his seat, shrugged limply and said, “I’m not defensive.”

“You talk quickly, and frown a lot. I can see it in your eyes, you are waiting for me to stop talking so you can say something. You may say you aren’t defensive, but your body language and your eyes say that you are. But I don’t blame you, it’s a tough world out there— What are you exactly, Zach? I’ve been to Estonia before, yet I’ve never seen anyone who looked like you.”

“No two people look alike. But I know what you’re saying, since I hear it all the time. I’m mixed.”

“Well, Zach. I don’t know how tolerant Estonia is, but in America, we have scholarship opportunities for this. You could be eligible for quite a few, and you already have the intelligence and capability to unite people. Biracial is the future.”
Zach eyed him warily, drawing back and crossing his arms over his chest.

Johnson continued, “However, I believe you’re heading down the wrong path. Right now, you may care about clothing or gay rights, or about true love. But all that will change. Things come together and fall apart, experiences deepen your mind and shift your priorities. Yet whoever you are, it won’t matter if your grades are low. Your grades reflect how much you learn, and how much you understand what you learn. They allow you to become powerful enough to change things.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 21

2011-02-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

Johnson hesitated for a moment, but then nodded somberly. He had expected this as well.

“I thought as much. I don’t think I’ll ever see it again, and I can only worry what will happen to it now. You probably gave it back to him for nothing, since you view protecting his secrets as more important than protecting yourself… or even what you believe in. You’re a good kid, Zach, you love with all you’ve got. If I had a friend like you in high school, who knows…” his voice drifted off.
“Back when I was your age, I strongly believed in a greater moral order. When injustice happened, I believed that someone would come and make it right. And when nothing happened, I thought life would end. But life didn’t stop for me; it doesn’t stop for anybody. My son… I realized early on what he is; that he is a homosexual. I tried my best to be a father to him, but I don’t think he ever accepted me. We have our differences, but I don’t and simply can’t hate him for the way he’s born. He’s my son.”
“He’s your son, and you raped him.”
“I understand I can’t change your mind.” He released the breath he'd been holding and leaned forward on his elbows, “I guess I could have been there for him more when I had the chance, when he first got involved with that older boy. Things got out of hand after that, but judging this isn’t as simple as deciding what’s ‘good’ and what’s ‘bad.’ I have my problems, Zach, and he has his. Two problems was all it took, and it’s what keeps us from healing and being the family we could be. It’s not right or wrong, it’s just how it is. I’m getting help, but he still needs to admit that he needs it.”
Zach shifted uncomfortably, and Johnson coughed. He leaned over to his computer, clicked a few keys, then leaned back as the printer began to buzz. He took a sip of water from the mug on his desk, then affirmatively said,
“I’m going to give you a copy of your grade transcript. Are you aware that you currently have a B+ in literature?”
“… No.” Zach said, startled, “I didn’t know.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 20

2011-02-14T05:57:00.001-08:00

“As you might be aware, I am your guidance counselor. And we need to have a relationship where you can trust me, and I can trust you. Do you trust me?”
“I don’t know you,” Zach drawled absently, “so I can’t trust you.”
Johnson nodded soberly.
He briefly eyed the belongings on his desk, making sure they were still in their place.

“I’ll try this again.” He said patiently, “You aren’t a stranger to me, Zach. I’m fully aware of what my son is doing with you.”

Zach again remained silent, because it was true. And there was nothing useful he could say at this point, when silence was run over by his wildly beating heart. It was a little eerie the way his voice had the same rhythm as Gentry’s, and how his eyes lit up in that same murky stare. They were the same smoldering dark he’d grown accustomed to, holding something wild about them. Gentry had that too, sometimes… as if there was something waiting to leap out, a word waiting to be shouted. Undoubtedly, this guy was Gentry’s father. Yet it still felt odd to think about Gentry as this guy’s son.
“…Oh.” Zach finally replied, sensing right after that his timing was probably off.
Johnson drew a long breath, rolled back his seat and stood up to close the door.
“Well, seeing as you won’t talk,” he drawled retaking his seat, “I hope that you will listen.”
Johnson sighed and leaned back, hands folded over his stomach.
“What you see in Gentry is what he wants you to see. And you’ve probably learned a few things about me, and that my family’s homelife isn’t perfect. I’ll admit, we’ve been through some tough times. But I still like to think that we’re a family.”

“—You’re not.”

Johnson’s eyes lit for a moment, yet his voice remained firm and even.
“Why would you think that?”
“… Families live together.”
Lee Johnson sighed.
“My son left home, and it’s pulling the family apart. But he decided that on his own, and I’ve given up asking why he does anything. Believe me, we both know that he can be convincing when he wants to. If he’d wanted to stay, he would have— he’s got a strong mind in him. But he also has problems, and don’t think for a second that just because he isn’t living with me that I don’t care about him. My wife and I were there for him before you knew who he was— and it hurts us as much as it hurts you to watch him destroy himself, knowing there’s nothing I can do. Yet he’s my son, and I know better than anyone that I can’t force him to come home.” Johnson took another deep breath, and softly added, “However, I don’t think that your apprehension towards me stems from that.”
Zach gazed at him critically. He turned the words over in his head, but couldn’t find any flaw. Just wild thoughts racing through his mind.
“Do you think I’m a monster?” asked Mr.Johnson, “a child molester?”
Zach’s mouth went dry.
Johnson gave an affirmative, close-lipped smile.
“I thought it would come down to this. There’s no use in skirting around the issue, so let’s get to the heart of the matter. I believe that you’ve come across a picture which belonged to me.”
“I did.” Zach replied without hesitation, “And that’s why I don’t believe you. You don’t care about him; you caused his problems. If you want that picture back, you’re not getting it.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 19

2011-02-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

“I would like to ask you something.”
Zach inhaled suddenly, and shot up to meet the man’s eyes.
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. The secrets he’d learned were like a gag. He couldn’t talk about them, couldn’t act on them… all he could do was try to ignore the sick feeling which throbbed to life in his gut.

Although the picture was no longer in his dresser drawer, it still lingered in his mind. Stale as ashes and heavier than smoke; he hadn’t been able to look directly at it, and yet he couldn’t forget what he’d seen. The bony angles distracted him from faces. It was the starkness of it which drew his mind away from the dark eyes and to the stiff body, eating away at the signs of life. It was a crime frozen on paper, an indelicate rendering of something which no one talked about in public. Something which always happened to other people, and was left to linger the dark corners of newspapers and the back of peoples’ minds. Knowing it existed was nothing like seeing it. The crime had happened before he had witnessed it, and now it couldn’t be helped. The past was past, life had moved on.
And he was as powerless now as he felt then.

“Zach.”

Johnson motioned for him to take a seat, which Zach silently did. The man opposite him took a deep breath and said,

“I noticed you seem fearful around me. Even now, you’re fidgeting.”

“Oh.”

Zach immediately sat up a little straighter, and gave a simple nod to hide the fear in him. He reasoned he shouldn’t be scared, schoolishly reminding himself that pedophiles only targeted children, which he was not… He was not.

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 18

2011-02-14T05:51:00.000-08:00

“Zach.”
That unearthly voice jolted him from his reverie.
Mr.Lee Johnson stood in front of him, blocking out the fluorescent light. It beamed behind his thinning dark hair, which was severely combed in thin strands over his scalp, giving it a strange and severe kind of look.

“Are you all right?”
Zach gawked at him. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he blurted out what came to mind:
“No.”
He instantly realized he had said the wrong thing, but it was too late to take it back now. Johnson was eying him firmly, churning out the words,
“I’d like to have a word with you… I sent that note.”

Zach decided not to fight this one, and simply nodded slowly as he rose to his feet. He followed Johnson to his office, which hadn’t changed much since Nilla had occupied it. He slammed the door behind him, at which Johnson jumped and quietly snapped at him, “Don’t slam the door.”
“Sorry,” Zach murmured, although a part of him wasn’t. He liked slamming doors; it made him feel less angry. His gaze shifted around the room, taking in an empty goldfish bowl on top of blue file cabinet and a law degree in a gleaming silver frame.

Slowly, Zach’s eyes drifted down to the steel-framed photo on the desk, idly guessing that the madly grinning woman was probably the guy’s wife, mainly because that kid next to her was definitely Gentry. Even though she was smiling, it looked very grotesque since her eyes were glaring out from beyond the frame. Her paste-colored arms were rigidly clasped around this ugly gremlin of a kid, who squinted at the camera with his weird old-man face. Those amber eyes hadn’t changed, not one bit. Staring out from under a gray hunting cap, peering over the coarse green scarf; murky then as they were now. It felt weird to think how this fantastically ugly gremlin was the same boy he had currently— well, fucked.
In fact… it was downright weird to think about it that way.

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 17

2011-02-14T05:48:00.000-08:00

Zach sighed quietly and truged to his chair outside the door, sourly taking a seat. It hurt to speak, but who cared. He’d talk anyway— He’d talk until his lips fell off to anyone who would listen. The office kept working, students passed by. Some stared, some didn’t. Some were turning in Valedictorian speeches. He hated sitting outside in the office like that, because he always felt like a criminal. At least, he looked like one, sitting in the office with a swollen mouth, seated next to people who were in trouble for one thing or another. Next to students with emotional issues who needed to see the counselor, and people thrown out of class for their disruptive behavior.

“I’m not like them, though. I’m not here because I’m being punished for something wrong, I’m here because I chose to be. I was always here because I chose to be… for better or worse, I’m fighting for a reason.” And he would keep fighting; they would not change him.

He told himself:

“I’m here because if I don’t stand for what I believe, no matter how sore things get, no one else will.”

Ms.Nasty walked by him, but didn’t look at him. Zach suspected that if she didn’t have anything mean to say, she wouldn’t say anything at all. Her gaze always shifted to avoid making eye contact with students, to avoid recognizing them. And keep from greeting them, because she often got their names mixed up. She only memorized the names of trouble-makers and honor students, and she would only acknowledge their existence if they stepped out of line--- and then it was to put them in their place. To enforce the dress code, school code, or whatever code she was supposed to enforce. In her line of duty, mingling with the lower subjects are was dangerous… as was acknowledging their existence, their feelings, or their point of view. Siding with students was siding with a threat; something volatile and difficult that needed to be monitored, overruled, undermined. Youth were radical, crazy teenagers--- could not be trusted.
It was easier to keep them in line and stay out of everything else.

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 16

2011-02-14T05:46:00.000-08:00

The nurse prescribed ice packs for everything.
Sore throat, sore mind, sore heart… an ice pack would fix it. And if an ice pack didn’t, she called the parents to tell them their child should get a Doctor’s opinion. Most people knew that she wasn’t a nurse at all, but the attendance lady, and that she couldn’t a headache from mental insanity. However, not having a trained nurse saved Kennedy a good deal of money, which was why The Principal was very pleased that he helped instate her, privately considering it his proudest moment. With ineffable glee he would sit in front of his computer, picking out colors for pie charts, wondering which color would best show the world what a success he was.

There were few things that he loved more than to give monthly staff presentations about how he had saved the school 5% more money, and cut costs down 10%. In fact, there had been enough money left to decorate the nurse’s office with a plastic-covered medical-style couch, which impressed the Department of Education whenever they visited for their annual review. Very few schools could afford such a nice, official-looking couch. In fact, this couch was approved by NASA, which made it a valuable asset to the school. Best of all, it was easy to clean and, if needed, students could lie on it.
But he specifically told the nurse that this was only to be used in emergencies, since it could only fit one person. Therefore, students should instead sit on the blue plastic chairs lining the office walls, as Zach did until the nurse called him into her office.

“Yes?” griped the nurse, glancing up at him with heavy lidded eyes. She was a large old woman with hair under her lip, a slightly darker color than that of her mousy brown bob. She was the kind of woman who kept people from going to the nurse, heavily cold and complacent.
“What is your problem?” she rasped, with a very strained low voice.
“You’re a nurse, you figure it out.” Zach spat at her, meanly enough to solicit a grunt.
With bovine lethargy, she hunched over the desk and raised her eyebrows.
“I can’t help you unless you say something is wrong.”
“My lip’s infected.”
“That’s all?”
She clicked her tongue and slowly rolled her chair back. She reached into the cabinet, past the aged cotton, and pulled out an ice pack.
“Take this…” She said, “And call your parents from the office phone.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 15

2011-02-14T05:14:00.000-08:00

Note: V-day is here! Sorry if this clogs anyone's inbox.

"Loser, loser, double loser, eating out of a TRASH CAN!!"

Gentry was vaguely aware that his table-mates were throwing pieces of paper at each other. And that Kylie still shared his table, talking loudly, although she wouldn’t look at him. But at this point, he no longer pretended to pay attention.

His mind switched off, and let nothing in or out. Soon he would graduate, and never see them again. All this conversation amounted to nothing. It never delved deep enough to establish a connection; they could never settle down long enough to listen. Because the moment you opened your ears to someone, you inevitably opened your heart--- a commitment they didn’t have the time or energy for.

“Oh MY god NOWAY!”
“Awkward turtle…”

A commitment. Gentry’s gaze lingered on Zach. He'd been staring at him for the last few minutes, remembering how many students came in that morning asking about the test location, only to leave with long, grim faces and timid resignation.
But not Zach.
No one else had hitchhiked to Church.
That took something.

His fingers ached to brush over the nape over Zach's neck. Linger just long enough to nudge his shoulder and exchange warm glances; long enough to share silence from words unspoken that—
No. Gentry exhaled. He had to stop having these daydreams. They were what got him into this mess in the first place, the idle fantasy of that “what if…?”

Fact was, Zach could handle himself.
He didn’t need it.

So Gentry duly turned away--- yet it was too late. Zach had already spotted him. He put down his book and briskly walked over to the table, slamming his hands down and looking them all over, particularily Gentry. Kylie didn’t notice right away, she went on talking,
“… Ohmygod, I hate sluts…”
“---They hate you too.” Zach cut in, then leered over all of them, “Got something to say?”
“Um, were we talking to you?” Drawled Jenny. The table laughed, because laughing overpowered awkward silences.
Zach pulled away sourly, and turned to go back to his corner of the room.
“Zach.” Mr.Handson spoke up.
“Yeah?”
“I’ll need you to go to the office.”
“I didn’t do anything—”
“I know.” Said Handson, “But the note’s asking for you, something about a dress code violation.” He pushed a yellow note into his hand, “While you’re there, I suggest you go see the nurse. That lip ring looks atrociously swollen.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 14

2010-10-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

Zach returned to campus on foot, heart throbbing down low in his gut. He regretted the decision the second he entered math class, slinking into the back row. A half hour later, later his fingers tapped against the two sheets of completed busywork. It was called classwork, but all it was actually busywork— and not enough to keep his mind off the morning’s events. Shame hung in the back of his throat and the depths of his eyes, which restlessly scanned the posters on the wall.

The Principal is Your Pal, next to a GSA poster and something about helping the people of Africa. Save the Congo Presents: Fight hunger in Africa. Free Pizza! Math felt especially long today.
The largest poster had a bunch of smiling people of different races, all standing together looking very serious underneath the bold headline “School is a Bully-free Zone: Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.”
“Bullshit.” Zach thought to himself, “How can they even hang this bullshit up.”

Gentry watched him from across the room. Amused that Zach thought he was fooling anyone by sitting so quietly, frown carved into his brow.

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 13

2010-09-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

The car screeched to a halt across two parking squares. Zach bolted out— feet pounding the asphalt— racing over cracks and parking lines, between parked cars, to the double-doors—

“What are you trying to do?” The man popped up from out of nowhere, wedging himself between Zach and the Church door.
“I’m here for the Arithmetic Standards Scale,” Zach panted out, palms sweating against his clenched fingers.
“That test began ten minutes ago.” The man said, looking him over as if he had caught someone attempting armed robbery.
“— I still have time… here’s my ID…”
“I can’t let you in.”
“Look… it’s two and a half hours… I paid for this test, I have ID.”
“I can’t help you.”
Zach looked up again— and it hit him. He recognized that heavy-handed gait… the meaty face and its cowboy grin. It was familiar, even if he now wore one of those official-looking nametags that marked him as a “test helper.” A mark of distinction.
“Can’t, or won’t?”
“You should’ve been on time.” The man drawled, “There’s nothing I can do if you aren’t on time.”
Zach caught his breath, then looked him in the eye and said,
“Yeah, you can’t do nothing. That’s all you’ll ever do.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 12

2010-08-24T00:15:00.000-07:00

Zach raced out of the office and onto the curb. No sooner had the door slammed, then the whole office rushed to the window. They stole glances on their way to the water cooler, made excuses to carry around papers, or just planted themselves in front of the window, sipping lukewarm coffee.

“Are we just going leave him there?” a staff member, Mr. Brokeshaw, asked Ms.Nasty. “I mean, I can drive him?”
“No; he has to learn to read instructions. This is not our problem.”

Gentry looked down as the man walked past his door, then stole a look out the window.
“Moron.” he thought to himself, watching Zach pace back and forth while talking on his cellphone. Was this really worth watching?
Gentry just shook his head, and went back to drawing circles. His father sat on the other side of the room, loudly typing on a keyboard.
“There’s no signal on that part of campus. He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he?”
“He’s not a tool.” Gentry replied without glancing up.

“I know; I see him …” Ms.Nasty said to the principal, “I’m not sure what he’s doing.”
At this, Gentry stole another glance out the window.
In the middle of the street, Zach stood with arms outstretched, as cars either swerved around and swooshed past him.
“This is ridiculous…” Gentry murmured under his breath, shaking his head. He was about to look away again, when a car screeched to a halt. Zach leaned in to the windshield, then climbed in in to the passenger seat— just as Ms.Nasty raced outside to holler how standing in the street was against the rules.

But the car had already sped off. Gentry held a bemused silence, as his eyes watched it disappear along the horizon. Johnson also stared, closing his mouth with a deep breath and furrowed brow, “He’s something else.”

“He’s mine.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 11

2010-08-10T00:20:00.000-07:00

Note: Thanks for putting up with my insanity.

At that moment, the glass door swung open and slammed shut.
Secretary A gave a wry nod towards Secretary B, who quickly glanced up. No one could look away once Zach entered the room—

And the moment he walked through that door, Gentry’s heart skipped a beat.

He looked him over once, peered down, then stole another look. He licked at his dry lips, and began drawing circles on his notepad.

Behind the glasses, high above polite conversation, underneath the creased pants and knee-length skirts… crept unspoken fears and desires. A good secretary was seen, not heard. But the office talked— about others. Through whispers, knowing glances, and the click-clack of private e-mails being written and sent. This was how they maintained a studied silence in his presence, even as they wondered things they would never ask him. What kind of people parented this problem child, any problem child? And every school had a problem child, or a child the office had problems with.

And the office never changed— it had always been a place where memories lingered like a bad smell. High school was not a place for growth or experimentation unless it fit the prescribed categories of normal growth and acceptable experimentation. There were charts and forms for that… everything you didn’t know would be held against you for future reference—
Or used for water cooler conversation. Gentry looked up again, and perched his head on one first.

Zach asked something to the receptionist, and she leaned over the counter just as Ms.Nasty was moving past.
“The Arithmetic Standards Scale?” Nasty said loudly, “I don’t know where that is.”
“It’s today, don’t you have anywhere you can check?”
“Do you have that booklet you were supposed to pick up, along with your test ID?”
Zach promptly turned away and pulled it from his backpack, pushing it into her hands.
She flipped through it casually, then laughed sharply.
“You haven’t even looked through this?”
“Where is the test? Which room?”
“It isn't here. It’s at the Holy Summit Church.”
“--- What the hell’s a math test doing in a Church?”
“It was your job to read the book.” Laughed Ms.Nasty, “What time is it? Ohh. 7:45. That means the test will start in ten minutes … at, 7:55. Good luck getting there.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 10

2010-05-29T03:50:00.000-07:00

Note: It's the 251st post! erpotrtyrtohyrotihopi!~!!

Drama started out of boredom.
Few people were more bored than the office personnel. They sat listlessly in their corner rooms and blue-walled cubicles, watering their undergrown office plants and drinking watered-down coffee to keep from falling asleep.
School was boring. Down the road, most of their work didn’t matter. Nobody ever won a Nobel Peace Prize for office work. All they could do is try to make someone fail, or help them pass. How many people came in to say Thank You? None.
To keep things interesting, they reinterpreted rules and created Red Tape.

“Yes, I’ve noted that on my account balance I’m being charged $25 for student health service fee here?”
“Yes, we always charge that.”
“I want to waive this fee since my daughter already has health coverage… through my job.”
“Sir, does your daughter depend exclusively upon prayer for healing?”
“… No, not really.”
“Then I can’t help you.”
“Please, I just want to cancel this fee… My family is religious. Does that help?”
“Sir, you can only cancel it if you depend on prayer for healing, and you must provide a completed Application for that over at the District Office. And to go there, you must have a written statement from your religious denomination affirming that you rely on faith for healing.”
“… But no Rabbi will sign a paper for faith-based healing! Jews don’t believe in that.”
“Then I can’t help you.”
“— We do believe in not paying unnecessary fees.”
“Sir… there is nothing I can do.”
“Look. My daughter’s already insured… is there any form for that?”
“Sir, I can’t help you.”
“You can't help yourself!” the man huffed and stormed out the door.
The woman shrugged back in her seat, her face impassive with heavy-handed certainty that she hadn’t done anything wrong… just following procedure.
“Can you believe how rude that man was? People these days...” she drawled with annoyance. “Where do they get their manners from?”
“At least he isn't claiming to be some special exception.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 9

2010-05-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

Wednesday dawned, heavy on the Horizon.

A stench hung in the air that day, and no one was sure where it came from. It was a greasy smell which blanketed the campus and trickled into everything it touched, including air that was so cold and dry that breathing resulted in a sickly burning sensation. Every so often, cold winds blew apart the low-hanging clouds whose silver-gray lining smothered the sun, and brought out the few hesitant rays of sunlight that luke-warmed the cement. The sun occasionally peered though holes in the cloud-blanket, casting airy strokes of light over the blue-brick office building--- before the blanket of steely gray cloud smothered it again. This weather did what it wanted, no matter the season. Gentry called it

Weird weather.

He watched it unfold from the office window. Raindrops flecked the glass, and poured in through the small crack Gentry had made on the side. Outside, storm clouds multiplied to block out the remaining light. Inside, pale white florescent beamed down on his damp red hair.

Here, there was no weird weather, just unnatural lighting, and the smell of stale mints currenting through the blue-carpeted spaces through a dusty old ventilation system. The office was a severely lit den in a constant state of stuck.

Gentry often lost track of time.

He worked alongside his father, quietly widening the crack in the glass by poking the tip of a pencil in it. Neither had spoken a word since the shift had started. Occasionally there was a rustling of papers or a climper of keys, the crackle of a walkie-talkie.
Gentry sat at a table beside his father’s, elbows on the surface and head resting on one fist. His free hand poking and prodding at that tiny crack.
The rain had started to loudly tap against the glass… slowly, rhythmically. Zach was coming.

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 8

2010-05-22T04:42:00.000-07:00

Zach stared down at Ms.Nasty, who glanced up at him with sharply raised eyebrows.
“State your first and last name.”
“Tyler, Zach.” murmured Zach.
“I’ll need to see some ID.”
Zach nodded curtly and reached into his backpack, but noted with barely-concealed annoyance that the ID wasn’t there. It was probably in his locker, exchanging comments with his algebra book. The line behind him suddenly felt a whole lot longer... the foggy clouds that escaped with each murmur seemed to weigh down on him.
“I don’t have it. Can I go to my locker and get it?”
“Sure. But you’ll have to wait in line again.”
Zach eyed her with apparent disbelief.
“Come on… I’m obviously Zach Tyler. Can I just get it anyway?”
“I’ll need to see ID.”
Zach exhaled forcefully, then leaned with his fists on the table to leer straight into Ms.Nasty’s eyes.
“Look. You know who I am. I’m Zach Tyler. You always manage to find me when you don’t like my clothes, and you definitely recognize me now. I paid $75 for this test, and no one’s desperate or stupid enough to steal my identity.”
“I can’t do anything unless you show me ID.”
“I can bring it to your office later. Would that work?”
Someone pushed Zach aside and flipped his ID. Ms.Nasty handed the girl the ID sticker as she coolly explained to Zach in her slow pitched drawl,
“The time to pick up your test pass is right now, during lunch.”
As the girl left, Zach pulled back to the table.
“This is freaking ridiculous. I know my ID number by heart, 698822, you can ask anyone—”
“I can’t make a special exception for you.”
“I am a special exception. Woman, look at me! How many people look like me? How many other biracial Estonian gays are there in this school? I’m alone here, it’s just me!”
Nasty opened her mouth, gaping for a moment before replying,
“I’ll need to see ID.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 7

2010-05-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

It was dark out, and cold for for a summery Tuesday. Tree branches stretched out like tall and lonely shadows, creeping low in a pale gray sky and hanging over the line that snaked beneath them. Zach looked up at them, and wondered what would happen to forests if trees were people. Maybe they would get up and walk away, tell people, “We’re not gonna stand where you put us!” Maybe they would revolt, and people people would declare a war on trees, until someone would start a Tree Rights campaign. Maybe then, if the trees won, people would talk about their tree friends and “tree experiences” in their college applications. If trees could talk, they would probably laugh and point their branches at the line which snaked past rectangular blue office building. Trees never took standardized tests. Then again, trees also got chopped down.

It was so damn cold.

Couldn’t have been higher than 50 degrees, where the hell was that warm summer weather? Even the season seemed to be cheating, going back on the weatherman’s promises. Well, Zach decided, it better get its act together before Nationals. If there was one person in this school who could stand up to the weather, it was Zach Tyler.

Today he stood in the middle of the line, shivering in a t-shirt, because today was the day to get your passes for the Arithmetic Standards Scale. And today people would wait over half an hour to get an ID for several more hours of standardized torture. That privilege, that mind-numbing rite of passage, made you a Leader of Tomorrow…

“Next.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 6

2010-05-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

“I lay on the floor for an hour.”
“How often do you feel depressed?”
“I would’ve like… stayed there longer, but Nasty made me get up. And I did… but for what? Seriously. What do we do here?”
“Have you ever tried to harm yourself?”
“No, but, people are calling me a faggot, and today some ass burned a hole in my jacket with a soldering iron. I’m not gay! Ms. Nasty says I'll have to leave the class if this continues, like I’m some distraction—”
“Is anyone in your family depressed?”
“—Everything you tell me ends up being wrong. My team is not really a team, my friends are not really friends, and my parents say they care— but they send me here. To this fucking— no offense— fucking place where just talking to someone… I mean, really talking, not that stupid fake-talking I do everyday… is like defying gravity. They don’t see me for twelve hours a day, but they make decisions about what I should do. They think I have it good since I’m not starving in Africa. And when I grow up, I already know that the best I can be is to be like them. What’s the point?”
“Why don’t you tell me…”
“Are you even listening?”
“People with depression often view situations as hopeless. It’s a chemical imbalance that can be corrected with proper treatment. You can be tested for it, Mike. I have the form right here...”
“Maybe this stupid school causes it— the people. Maybe it’s normal to be depressed.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 5

2010-05-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

“Tell you what.” he said, “I know you’re also in my math class, and you’re doing well there. Have you heard of the Arithmetic Standards Scale?”
“No. What’s that?”
“It’s a test I contributed to … a sort of SAT for math.”
“Isn’t there already an ACT, SAT, and SAT II for that?”
“… Yes.” Handson said flatly, upon which Zach promptly resumed an expression of startled stupidity. “But the College Board has a monopoly on tests, so I created this one to give colleges an idea of how much math students really know. After all, what does one or even three tests really say about someone?”
“Not much?”
“Exactly. The more tests you take, the better you are. The Arithmetic Standards Scale takes place after the SAT II, and I’m encouraging all the Seniors in my geometry class to take it. I know you aren’t a Senior, but I’ll make an exception for you… the fee is $75. I expect the money by tomorrow.”
“You’ll have it.”
“If you pass, Zach, you stand a fair chance of getting a B in literature.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 4

2010-05-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

He quietly leaned against the wall at the back of the classroom, blearily eying the loudly-colored posters on the room walls. Some teachers had drawings or schoolwork, but Handson only had glossy prints of cartoon kids. Only none of them were fucking or stumbling around naked.
Mr. Handson sat at his desk, grading papers with a red felt pen. Slowly, he peered up and exclaimed,
“Oh! It’s you.”
“Yeah. I’m here to talk about my grade.”
“Yes…” Handson shuffled his papers and remarked, “you’ve been doing a lot better. Gentry has been quite a friend to you. I’m actually surprised you have learned anything, or ah, how quickly you have caught up with him… I mean, especially how you found the time to...”
Zach stared at him impassively.
“I want to redo the Romeo and Juliet assignment.”
“I don’t give retakes, Zach. You know my policy.”
“The script I gave you wasn’t mine. Gentry wrote it. But everything else I’ve done here was my work. Gentry tutored me, and that’s it. Please. I just want a fair chance.”
Handson sighed, “Cheating is absolutely unacceptable. I can flunk you out of my class for this. You are an adult—”
“I am not an adult.”
“You are expected to act like one—”
“— Adults cheat. Adults cheat all the time, and if I were adult, I wouldn’t be stuck in a place where people call me faggot, and I’d get paid for my work. You people always tell us to act like adults, but almost all the adults I know lie so they’ll look better than the kids they’re criticizing. They pretend like they’re better than us, and get mad when people notice they aren’t. I’m told to be polite, to not cheat, to be respectful, but most adults here don’t follow any of that. You tell us to be organized, but if all these adults are so damn organized, why do we get weekend homework, summer homework, and homework over breaks? So if you want to fail me for telling you something you didn’t notice before, go on!”
Handson furrowed his eyebrows and exhaled deeply, taking off the old brown-rimmed glasses he wore to rub his dry eyes.
“No, Zach. I won’t do that.”
“Good.”
Zach sat down.
He put his elbows on the desk and leaned forward on them, “I’ve done everything I can to avoid cheating, but I see everyone around me do it while I get threatened. My grade stinks, and all I want is a fair shake. I don’t cheat, and I don’t want to. Just tell me what to do so I can make up that credit, give me at least the chance to pass.”
“Show me the paper.”
Zach reached into his backpack, trying to pull the paper loose without taking out the entire folder. After a few minutes of futile tugging, he pulled the entire black plastic binder out from the backpack, to the thump of everything else collapsing in. It flew open in his hands, yet Zach lurched forward just in time to save all the papers from sliding out. He noncommittally whipped out Gentry’s piece from the empty back pocket of the folder that he never used, and slapped the papers down on the table. Wuthering Heights lay bruised and beaten in his drooping backpack. Handson gazed at it briefly, and his sunken eyes lit up at the mardi gras beads that hung out from one corner, shining like wax in the fluorescent light. That rainbow cake was bigger than anything on the Spanish teacher’s table, and had beaten out anything in her Fiesta Party’s food selection for the front page of the school website. It showed up great in high resolution, too. Yet the Spanish teacher was going to get an award because her test scores were higher than his were.

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 3

2010-05-11T00:33:00.000-07:00

The next day, the library walls were stripped back to bare brick, marked only by the remnants of a GSA poster half-covered by a crumbling banner for Nationals. Zach passed them by, and took a sharp detour towards Mr. Handson’s classroom.

“She ran around naked?”
“Yeah, isn’t that crazy?”

Zach sneered at the gaggle of gossiping girls, and opened his mouth to speak— when suddenly a whining voice yelled:
“Shut the hell up!”
Mike stood there with the sun against his back, thumb-shaped head tilted to one side and lips parted in a grimace of disgust. He reminded Zach of a dog that had just barked at a passing car. The girls ignored him and whispered amongst each other, until Zach exclaimed,
“You know what’s crazy? Cathy fucked Vivian’s boyfriend. They were sitting in the car this morning.”
Vivian looked to Cathy with a bemused expressed, searching for a sign that this was a joke. Instead Cathy blushed and defensively snapped,
“It wasn’t like that—”
“Then what was it like?” snapped Michelle, “I saw you, too. You were sitting with him.”
Vivian loudly bawled, “Oh my god, how could you—”
“—Nothing happened, I was just sitting in his car!”
“Yeah, for two hours.” Zach scoffed, as he turned to leave.
“Two hours?!”
As the dramatics began again, Mike dejectedly lowered his head and trudged past Zach. Perhaps it was his dejection, the hopelessness in each step, that prompted Zach to remark, “It’s a game— don’t believe everything you hear.”
Mike ignored him and kept walking, so Zach looked away as well. He pulled open the heavy door, and let it loudly slam behind him.

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 2

2010-05-07T23:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing was clearer than the writing on the blue brick wall, inches from the gate. Mikey passed it first, and Zach followed close behind, stopping to read aloud every word in a deadpan voice:

“Don’t cheat. Just don’t do it; it’s not worth it.”
“Cheating will get you suspended.”
“ZERO Tolerance! Cheating is not acceptable.”
“Just say NO to cheating.”
“Friends don’t make friends cheat.”

On flyers and posters, on 12 x 8 papers with cartoon drawings of smiling children. In Gamma Green, Lunar Blue, Planetary Purple, Re-Entry Red and Stardust White. Stapled to the corkwood, right next to the advertisement for an $1,200 SAT prep class and a photo of the Save the Congo Club.

“Mikey.” Zach said, after a long moment of deliberation.

Mikey stopped and turned around.

“Yeah?”
“Why are people in school books and on school posters always smiling? What are they so happy about?”
“Maybe they got away with cheating?”
Zach moved to walk beside him, and followed him into the library. No sooner had Mikey sat down at an empty table, then Zach sat opposite him, leaned forward and said:
“I cheated on you. Nothing to smile about.”
Mikey looked up briefly, then remarked, “…That’s an interesting segway.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know. But what can I say? As disappointed as I am, I won’t look back in anger. It was nice being with you, Zach.”
At this, Zach turned and gave him a sly over-the-shoulder glance. “Know what I know?”
“No.”
“Your locker combination. I also know that that’s where you hide things.”
Mikey furrowed his brow, “Zach…”
“I found it. Don’t make excuses— I know you went through my things. Was that the only one, or did you make copies?”
“… Yes, it’s the only one.”
“It better be.” Zach stood up and moved towards the door. Then, he suddenly turned around and said: “If you hurt him with this; if you say even one word about it… I’m coming after you.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 22: Part 1

2010-05-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

Note: A warm-hearted comment made me want to post the rest of the story (There are only two chapters left: 22 and 23.) You know who you are, and you are AWESOME. There will now be updates at least once a week, because.

Mike fell into a locker as Zach hurried past him. It wasn’t much of a fight. Mike met the floor without protest, cheek against the cement; and students walked past him, some over him. The Principal stumbled over his body, stopped, glanced down and quickly looked away.

His sweaty hand slowly pulled a Danish out of a brown paper bag, and sniffed back the wetness in his nose as his teeth sank into the dough. No sooner had the taste of sticky-sweet frosting fill his mouth, then Nasty stormed into him. The Danish hurled into the air and splattering onto the ground, where the soft pastry was marked by the imprint of her stiletto heel, which smeared gooey white frosting across the cement as she stormed up to Mike to remind him that participation still mattered senior year.

The principal took his leave, hungry and confused, when suddenly a bold black headline shot out in front of him. Mikey’s voice rang out, “The school newspaper made a big mistake. Tolerance and Laughs at Kennedy Prom cited the head of the GSA as Mike Gonzalez. I’m Mikey Carmichael. That guy over there there’s Mike Gonzelez.”
“Oh.”
“This is a pretty big deal, and the school needs to announce the correction so that people know who to contact. I have been preventing gay youth suicide and violence in the halls of Kennedy for over two years—“
At that moment, Gentry ran in between them, elbowing Mikey to the ground as he sped past.

Because You Suck: Chapter 21: Part 1

2010-02-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

Gentry caught Zach’s eye passing the study room door, where the Estonian stormed up to him like a bat out of hell. One dark hand slapped his face, but Gentry caught the soft fingers before they drew back, and pulled him into a kiss. No sooner had the heat left his lips when it was returned with an equally forceful shove. Zach pushed a gold-yellow envelope in his hands and stormed out.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 22

2009-07-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

She had pounded on the door for a half hour before creeping away.
That was the rumor. Everyone was talking about her drunken, naked stumble through the football field. And those who weren't talking were listening, watching... thinking. Some freshmen had seen her that night, and snapped a picture which they showed everyone the next day. Too much information was still not enough, and more and more people demanded to know how or why, devouring each tidbit of gossip with ravenous attention.

Finally. Kylie was popular.

Even though she sharply denied anything had happened.
“It wasn’t me.” She kept saying, until Mike presented her the photo and demanded “How could you?” during lunch. Giving it a horrified look, she abruptly stopped answering any further questions. Some time later that day, she started shrugging it off as a stupid prank and all that. That’s what she said to Ms.Nasty, who warned her that this kind of behavior wouldn’t be tolerated and could result in suspension, since streaking was against the dress code.

Casey was the first to form a concrete suspicious. He made sure to point that out to Mikey, who then pointed it out to Zach (who was not surprised.)

“I just think it’s weird that they went to the prom together, but that she wouldn’t even sit with him today. Don’t you?”
“No.” Zach replied, as he left the his last class and hastily ducked into the open library door.

It door slammed in Casey’s face—
But no sooner had he pulled away then he spotted Kylie, yelling out to her,
“What happened, did you find out if he was gay?” his sneakers shuffled after hers, while she rushed past him like a caged tiger.
“Come on, Kylie. We’re friends,” he whined, “You can trust me.”
“Oh, he’s definitely not gay.” She spat back. “Definitely.”
But no matter how much he reasoned with her, she wouldn’t give him specifics— and that irritated him. He had to know. He wanted to. Gentry passed by at that moment, and Gentry caught up with him,

“Hey Gentry!”
“Hey.” Gentry moved fast, as though he was trying to lose him. But this only made Casey more suspiscious, “You should talk to Kylie. She’s really upset.”
“Really.”
“Yeah man, what happened on prom night? Why'd she run around naked?"
“Ask her.”
“Why aren’t you guys seeing each other anymore?”
“There wasn’t much to see. I’m over her.”
“But why so suddenly?”
“Because she’s a girl.” Gentry shrugged, and ducked into the library. The door slammed shut in Casey’s face.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 21

2009-07-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

Moments later, he had her back pinned against the wall and she was kissing him. Where, it didn’t matter. Neck, lips, jawline. His hands pulled down the top of her dress and unhooked her bra, and Kylie took a shaky breath and instinctively covered her milk-white breasts from the cool night air. Her breathing quickened as her heavy-lidded eyes watched his hand run along her thigh, and under the lining of her petticoat. He forced a hand down between her legs an up her warm thighs, rubbing along the thin fabric of her panties. Cotton, not polyester.
“Gentry…” she hissed, pressing back against him. His hand slipped beneath the thin fabric, pushing into the heat of her body.
“Keep going.”
Instead he dropped his hand and moved to face her. After giving her a quick lookover, he ordered for her to, “Lose the dress. I want to see every part of you.”
She slowly complied, wiggling out of it and then carefully draping it over a crate, standing before him in nothing more than her heels and baby blue panties. Her eyes searched his shadowy face for a sign of approval, as her legs slowly spread apart and her hands came up to cover her tear-shaped breasts. Gentry moved behind her to pluck off her restricting fingers, one by one.
“You like?” she breathed, inhaling sharply as his hands covered her soft, barely formed nipples. Every part of her was soft, warm, bare. He gave a closelipped smile and brushed his lips against her neck, then pressed the front of her body against the door. He pinned her wrists against the cool metal, and her lips met his in a heated kiss.
“Yes. This is perfect.”
Then he threw open the door and shoved her out into the dawn.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 20

2009-07-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

“You know… you don’t give a fuck. I like that.”
“Shut up.” Gentry growled at her inbetween quick and furious strokes, and the crude slap of skin against skin.
“I mean it. I like you.” She said boldly, staggering over to him. The uneven sway of her hips reminded him of a limping deer, but he liked it. It was as raw as how she crouched down on the mat and slid her fingers into his, peeling his hand away and replacing it with hers. Her hands were damp and hot, and he almost lost himself until the bitch stopped suddenly and slurred out:
“God, what are these?”
Gentry pulled her arm away and used it to draw her close to him, so he could whisper to her face:
“God’s got nothing to do with it.”
She gawked back at him, and he peered right back at her until he could see himself reflected back in her eyes, whispering to her, “I put my hand on the stove, and left it there. Sometimes, I run them under hot water.”
In the sparse light, her eyes looked wide and dark. It was like staring at someone else, a beast hunched before him. Slowly, hesitantly, she churned out, “I don’t get it.”
He leaned in to them and asked,
“Haven’t you ever wanted to destroy things?”
“I—”
“Haven’t you ever stood next to someone, and wanted to bash their head in?”
He grabbed one of her wrists and pulled her forward, “I have. I’ve wanted to turn them into something they weren’t before, change their life forever— Change the world. I want to break their heads open and change what makes them. Everything I’ve done to myself, I’ll end up doing to someone else. It doesn’t even hurt.”

A cloud covered the moon, and blanketed the room in darkness. Kylie slowly pried her hands away, but Gentry took hold of her bony wrist and pulled it back towards him.
“Want to know what does?”
The shadows of her face were unreadable now, and he could tell her lips were parted from the breath that tickled his cheek. The high tide of inhale, exhale. The clouds passed and moonlight shone back in. As she caught her breath, her lips gaped at him stupidly, then curved into a seductive little smile and cooed,
“Show me?”

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 19

2009-07-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

“Then what are you doing here?” she asked, brushing her shoulder against his. “Whose key is that?”
“Mrs.Copper’s.”
“You aren’t supposed to have that.”
“There are a lot of things people aren’t supposed to have.”
“Don't worry, I won’t tell... show me where it leads.”

Gentry forcefully shoved the key into the lock. The door creaked open to reveal the dusty room in its sparsely lit splendor, a cove of quiet. He stepped inside, and she followed him. Yet Gentry instantly blocked her way and harshly demanded,
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Going in? What, don't you want me around?”
He didn’t glorify that with a response. He entered and loudly pulled out a mat, then laid down.
“You come here often?” Kylie squeaked, “Because this is a really quiet place. It must get lonely… you must get lonely.”
Gentry simply grunted and undid his pants.
“Hey--- what are you doing?”
“If you don’t like what you see, leave.”
Gentry slid a hand down his stomach, between his legs.
“Ohh… well, wow. You’re direct.”
Her words drifted off after that, silence ebbing away at them. Her hand pulled the door closed, then she stood there awkwardly watching him with her glazed eyes.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 18

2009-07-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

Note: I debated with myself about the scence that you are about to read. It will be posted in its entirety by the end of next week in its original format. It's important, promise. Thanks for putting up with my writer's block.

That student had been Kylie, who now stood before him backlit by the pale moonlight. Somewhere in the distance, the stadium lights had turned on and glimmered with blistering efficiency. Gentry shielded his eyes to look at her, and she eyed him back with a houndlike expression on her face. Wispy strands of her hair stuck on end, glowing along with every sequin on her dress.

“Do you hate me, or something?” she asked him.

“No.”

He hated that she found his secret places, and followed him tonight. To the bleachers at the back of the school, down in the chamber underneath the seats, crowded with old gym matts, safety cones and crates of things that no one used. Every so often, his fingers took the key off Ms. Copper’s hook, and locked his body in. Many hours of his freshman year were idled away lying on the old blue gym mat, eyes staring up at the cobwebs and abandoned bird nests which lined the ceiling. Occasionally the moonlight would trickle in through small holes in the metal, illuminating the dust as he slowly breathed it in. The particles danced in the pale light, until night slowly settled and merge into morning. And until he left that room, time stood still.

Sometimes he thought he heard flapping, and had one of those moments where he wasn’t sure if he was awake or dreaming. Sometimes he found dead birds here; died while looking for a way out. Gentry never saw then alive, but always managed to find them stiff from the cold. Normally, he’d kick them into a corner and forget about them. It was easier not to get involved in those kinds of things. His father always told him “don’t get emotional, don’t get too friendly, don’t get too close.”

And no place was farther than this secret passage which loomed before him; the place where Kylie had followed him to, the farthest place he could think of. Yet in a strange way, he’d expected her. He had listened to her footsteps on the grass, the soft pitter-patter.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 17

2009-06-22T03:43:00.000-07:00

Once, in his freshman year, a dove had flown into the closed-off storage chamber beneath the bleachers. Right around the late fall, when leaves curled dead on the trees, it had made a flight for its life by swooping into the open metal entry gate, disappearing into the shadowy ceiling.
When the door closed shut, the whole class a loud and heard frantic flapping. Only one person had mentioned it to the PE teacher, and that student had not been him.
“Open it the doors, it’s stuck.”
“It flew in there; it knew what it was doing.” Said Ms.Copper, as the fading light glinted off her sunglasses. She wore them because she was cross-eyed.
“It didn’t know it would die.”
“It’s only a pigeon.” Was the impatient reply, “There are millions of them.”
“There are also millions of people.”
No wrinkle of thought carved its mark on her leathery face, as she heard without listening. None ever did.
“There’s nothing I can do.”
And then the door locked shut on the frantic flapping.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 16

2009-06-17T03:23:00.000-07:00

So they went to the afterparty; just across the street from the school and Carly’s old house, where last year’s festivities resulted in a fire that destroyed the kitchen. Students habitually partied where they were just out of reach from the faculty; just far enough to reduce prom royalty to commoners. The entire swim team, even some members of the freshmen division, were already crowding the floor of Sydney's two-story starter-castle… the afterparty had started awhile ago, since prom was patrolled by teachers who warned you about dancing too close. Gentry watched stumbling-drunk 14-year-olds bump and grind each other while the upperclassmen pantsed and stripped them. The uneasy suspicion that if Carly wasn’t taking photos, someone else was, briefly crossed his mind. He didn’t want any more pictures. He didn’t want Kylie either, which why he’d abandoned her somewhere in the crowd.

He slipped out the open door and dashed across the street, squeezing through the gate that opened the football field in the back of the school. It stretched in front of him, a yawning abyss of dusty space. The metal goalpost jutted against the overcast night sky, covering the low yellow moon and casting a long shadow over him.

His feet shuffled through the clipped weedy grass, and ears listened closely for any sign he was being followed. There were just moments he didn’t want anyone around. Especially not—Zach was really something. He wondered how Zach had talked him into that. He wondered what would happen if that crazy son of bitch actually were his boyfriend. If they had gone to the prom together. If he’d never left his house, if his father had never hurt him. If, then, when, all amounted to never. Never was, never will be. And that made the night even colder, because all this time there was nothing he wanted more than the hot rush of control.

He’d be happy once he had control. Control who loved him, who hurt him, what he wanted and what he would give… that he would have so much control that he would no longer be a victim— no longer shivering under the blankets afraid of the dark and praying nervously for the dawn.

Well, he didn’t pray anymore, and he’d succeeded in controlling everything. Fragments of the original plan still lingered in his mind, but they didn’t seem relevant anymore. He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know.

Yet… yet.

It was then that his thoughts were interrupted by a nervous rustling in the bushes. A moment later a small creature darted past him, stopping abruptly at a distance to gaze at him with its twinkling dark eyes. Gentry glared back at it, and it twitched its tiny red body before darting back off into the night and disappearing into the undergrowth.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 15

2009-05-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

That night, Gentry returned to the scene of the prom.
His heavy feet boarded the yacht once again, and brushed through the double doors, entering to a few slow-dancing drunks swaying to the hazy melody of a slow and grimy song that seemed out of place. But no one noticed anyway; no one was listening to the music. Most people stayed in their seats and some nosily swarmed around Kylie, who immediately looked up at Gentry from the moment he walked through the door, bawling out his name like a rooster crawing out the morning. He looked away as she stumbled across the floor yelling breathlessly, “I thought you ditched me!”
Just a few steps after her, Mike fumbled accross the floor with slow and clumsy steps, barely dodging the tangle of arms and legs skattered across the floor. Blue light glinted off his cheeks and bare head, which was nearly shaven clean by a buzz-cut that that made his face resemble a giant thumb. His short, thick neck bulged out from his too-tight collar as he slowly lifted one hand and grunted out a reserved “Hey.”
Gentry stared at him for a very long time. He was still staring as Kylie stumbled onto him, and threw her freckled arms around his neck,
“Where were you?”
“Somewhere else.”
“Hey.” Mike said again, standing in front of them with legs apart and firmly planted on the ground. He looked uncomfortable as he coughed quietly, and again said, “’Sup.”
“’Sup.” Said Gentry.
“We should get her home.” Mike said in a low voice, “She can barely stand.”
At this, Kylie suddenly cried:
“Noooo!”
“… Come on.”
“No!” Kylie held on closer to Gentry, worming past Mike’s fumbling attempts to grab her, “We’re going to the after-party.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 14

2009-05-24T01:03:00.000-07:00

Note: Sorry for the long delay. I had personal issues to deal with. I'm all right. Things will continue on schedule now...

There were moments when a man needed to be alone. Zach had that beaten look about him, a look that made him hard to face. Tonight he’d failed something more important than a class; there was nothing that would change that. Gentry didn’t say anything as Zach discreetly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He understood what he understood… this was one of those things that would not be talked about later. The officer pulled up to the grotesquely oversized mansion with a strained look on his face, leering at the windshield wipers as the car door creaked open and slammed shut.
His eyes briefly darted to the rearview mirror.
“Aren’t you going with him?”
“No.”
This was a night to remember, all right.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 13

2009-03-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

“Are you crying?”
No answer, just that familiar muffled sound.
“Christ, Zach.”
Gentry sighed, and looked out the window at the flashing light of the police siren. Officer Shandy was helping the woman ease the carcass into an extra-strength trashbag, their movements and shadows warped by the flickering light. After a few more minutes of hushed sniffling, Gentry reluctantly looked back at him again.
“I’m sorry.”
He then slumped against the window, averting his eyes.
The soft reply barely reached him:
“I know.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 12

2009-03-02T02:57:00.000-08:00

The Wildlife Center creaked up soon enough in a gray pickup truck, with a single officer who loudly slammed shut her car door. Officer Shandy gestured towards Zach, and her hard blue eyes took him in. She was stout and red-cheeked young woman with a hard voice, and the first thing she told him was,
“I’ll need you to move away so I can take a look at the injury.”
Zach did so without comment, moving to stand next to Gentry, who had instinctively pulled away on his own. Close, but not too close. They both watched her: Zach with curiosity and Gentry with skepticism, until Officer Shandy piped up, “I’ll drive you guys home. Where do you live?”
“I….”
“Don’t tell me, write it down.” he said, handing Zach a notepad and a pen. While Zach scribbled down the location, his powder-blue jacket landed at Gentry’s feet. After a few minutes, the woman spoke up.
“Well,” she said brightly, “I don’t see any way this animal can return to the wild with its current injuries.”
Zach abruptly stopped scrawling unreadable letters on the notepad.
“Will it be okay?”
“It won’t be able to return to the wild.” She stressed, firmly.
“Yeah. So?”
A sick feeling settled in the pit of Gentry’s stomach, but he kept silent. This was not going to end well. He had that feeling.
“The wildlife shelter only accepts animals that can return to the wild.” Said the woman, “That’s our policy. I had to put it down.”
Gentry instinctively held Zach back, but his grip wasn’t strong enough to keep him from storming up to her, and glancing down at the deer carcass. The woman gawked up at him blankly as she said:
“I know this must be hard for you.”
Zach remained speechless as he looked down at the animal, which still had its glazed eyes wide open. Eyes which were ridid with death, glazed over and foggy. It still looked warm, like it might raise its head again. Yet now the flies were swarming around in those gelled yellow orbs, eating away at them with a low buzz. He stifled back the stinging feeling in the back of his throat. There was a lump building there, a sickness that woudn't go away anytime soon. Gentry moved next to him, cast her an angry look he knew wouldn’t bring anything, and gently said, “Come on Zach, let’s go.”
“No.” he looked to the wildlife official, “You think it’s hard for me? That deer’s dead because you killed it. That deer’s dead because it didn’t have a pack to defend it. You killed it! You didn’t have to, but you did--- and that's murder— you're a murder, even if there’s no law against it!”
“I know this must be hard for you—”
“Shut up!" Zach ground out, but didn't yell. He added quietly, "Just shut the fuck up— I know you. You people ask for donations from my parents to save Bald Eagles. You save the Eagles and put them in your brochure!”
“Bald Eagles are an endangered species. Deer are not. I’m sorry, this must be hard for you.”
Officer Shandy piped up, “That deer wouldn’t have survived in nature. It’s natural to kill it.”
“It’s natural to survive.”
Gentry pulled Zach towards the police car by his wrist, but Zach pulled his hand back and got in himself.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 12

2009-02-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

Note: Zach might seem over the top, and he is. This ongoing prom scene is actually based on a true story that happened in the US (though not in my high school.) A group of students were drinking and driving on their way to the prom. They hit a deer, but didn't call police or 911 because they were scared of being prosecuted for underage drinking/drinking while driving. The report didn't express any remourse.

What a night this was turning out to be.
Gentry hoped the officer would finish quickly, since he knew damn well that no one could reason with Zach about these kinds of things. He reasoned it was a good thing that this was not Alabama, since in Alabama, the officer would have asked if Zach wanted permission to take the roadkill home and cook it as deer-meat. That wouldn’t have ended well.

After a lengthy back-and-forth phone conversation, the officer finally spoke up and said,
“You know what… it might be best to put that thing out of its misery—”
“—No!” Zach exclaimed immediately, and Gentry sighed along with him.
“Hear me out. That animal has lost a lot of blood—”
“—But it’s not dead yet, so stop acting like it is. It’s still moving! While you were taking your time getting here, it was fighting to stay alive... and I'm not about to let you shoot it. You don’t shoot human car accident victims!”
Gentry looked away during Zach’s outburst, then reluctantly eyed the man and asked, “Can the Humane Society come here?”
“I’ll give it a try, but I don’t guarantee anything. But the Humane Society aren’t responsible for these types of things… what you want is the Penitentiary Road Wildlife Center. But don’t you raise your voice at me; you should be happy that you’re alive. People get killed from deer hitting their cars more often than you realize. Transporting a deer is dangerous since it could have ticks—”
“Please," Gentry implored him, "just call them already.”
The officer reluctantly dialed a number on his cellphone, and sighed into the receiver:
“Hello, is this the Wildlife Center? Yeah, this is officer Shandy. There’s a deer in the road, it was hit by a car. Get over here.”
He hung up and said, “They’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.”
“Thanks.” Zach grumbled.
The deer feebly lay its head down on the asphalt.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 11

2009-02-25T16:01:00.000-08:00

It pulled to a stop by some bushes, and an officer slowly climbed out with a flashlight in hand, shining it over at Zach.
“What’s going on here?” he asked briskly, in a voice that sounded like he was chewing on tissue paper. Zach shielded his eyes.
“My ride hit this deer.”
“It’s a half hour past curfew… Where’s your ‘ride’ now?” the officer asked, lips hardly moving lips to form his words. He was a burly man with hair on his forearms and a neatly trimmed mustache, holding on to a stern expression tinged by late-night tiredness. It looked like he didn’t want to be here, so Gentry kept his voice soft when answering:
“At the prom.”
“Well, you’ll want to call the Sanitation Department for that. I’ll give you their number…”
“I know damn well what the sanitation department does, and we don’t need it.” Zach spoke up, “We need medical care.”
The officer promptly flashed his light at the deer, “I still have to patrol real crimes tonight...” the light fell on the rainbow GSA bracelet which hung loosely around Zach’s wrist, “may I ask what both of you are doing here together—”
“Our girls went to the prom without us.” Gentry quickly answered, and the officer shone his light back on Zach, who snapped:
“Turn that fucking thing off already! What we’re doing here is none of your business—”
“—Zach, shut up.” Gentry fired back at him, as the officer inquired,
“Are either of you aware that deer carry lyme disease?”
“If it was a person with AIDS—”
“—We didn’t want our dates to miss curfew.” Gentry interrupted Zach, “We stayed behind because it’s dangerous to be out here alone, and that deer— we can’t leave a hurt animal in the road. It might cause an accident.”
The officer eyed him skeptically, shone his flashlight out into the tree-lined distance and firmly said, “I’ll take care of it. You and your friend can take the bus... The nearest station is about three miles away, down this road.”
“You just want us to leave so you can kill it!”
“Zach, quiet. Look, officer. Is there anyone you can call?”
The officer stared at him with cool-eyed contempt, yet Gentry went on undeterred,
“We’re not leaving this deer behind.”
The officer gave a gruff sigh and Gentry added, “I can put my coat on the seat…”
“I’ll have to ask my superiors.” The officer pulled out his cellphone, and dialed a number. Gentry looked back at Zach, who gave him a look worth reckoning with.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 10

2009-02-23T02:25:00.000-08:00

The wind howled through the tall dark trees, swirling a few leaves into the street. Their wrinkled edges rustled against the asphalt, and for a moment it seemed as if though were dancing. Zach caught one in his hand and crushed it in his fingers.
“How’d you find me?”
“I asked.”
The knowing scoff that passed for a reply left Gentry to quietly add, “There’ll be another bus here in five minutes. If you still want to go.”
“And what, leave this deer for a drunk driver to roll over? Seriously; does it take a law for you to do the right thing?”
Gentry breathed a heavy sigh and didn’t answer that, while Zach glumly fell silent and stared out into the darkness, towards the flickering light in the distance. Things stayed like that for about a minute, until Gentry said:
“Never thought you were into Deer Rights. Maybe you should start a club for that. Deer, Christians, gays… same difference.”
“Stop making fun of me.”
“I’m not, I’m just thinking. Why wait for the GSA to promote you? Make a club about anything. Hang up a poster and call it ‘raising awareness,’ ask your parents for donations and call it ‘fundraising.’ As long as you’re President, it won’t matter of what. You should show up to prom just to mention that there’s a deer in the road. Kennedy would probably promote animal rights over gay rights.”
“That’s messed up.”
“You know what’s messed up? Even if that deer survives, the pack will reject it because it smells human. If you care, you’ll kill it yourself.”
Zach made a face, “We don’t kill humans just because they don’t fit in to the pack.”
“That’s not a human.” Gentry reminded him, at which Zach angrily shot back,
“Same concept.”
“What if I told you I’d shoot humans?”
“Then I’d say you don’t mean that.”
“Why?”
“Because if it was someone you liked, you’d take it back.”
At this point, Gentry realized that arguing about this wouldn’t solve a damn thing. So he shrugged carelessly, then turned his attention towards the dusty street. Somewhere in the bushes a frog was croaking, and the undergrowth rustled from the wind and tiny creatures scurrying about their business. Although the burning stink of blood hung heavy in the air, curdling every sense it reached, the creatures of the night went on undisturbed. Life went on, even when it ended. Gentry didn’t believe in any after-life but the one on earth, because the world didn’t stop after death.

“How’s prom?” Zach asked for the sake of asking.
“You aren’t missing anything.” Gentry snuck a glance at him.
“And this is much better.” Came the sarcastic reply.
“You’re here.”
Zach stalled, and glanced back at him quickly enough to catch him looking away.
“And?” he teased, just a little.
At that moment the sirens flashed and yelped in the distance, along with the rumbling noise of a small police car.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 9

2009-02-20T18:00:00.000-08:00

Note: Happy B-lated B-day to sweetzsugar! Read her story "An Unforgettable Summer" here. It's really good.

The first thing Zach did was stomp as hard as he could on the attacker’s foot, drawing out a pained,
“Ow!”
Abruptly he stopped, spun around, and exclaimed, “Fuck! Are you crazy?”
“You’re crazy for staying here.” Came the quiet reply, as Gentry drew out of the shadows. “What it wouldn’t have been me?”
“Then I would’ve felt sorry for them.”
Gentry grunted as if he’d expected that reply, and brushed past him.
“… I thought you decided not to go. But here you are. Nice outfit.”
“Save the remarks. I said I was going, so I did— stealing that stupid friendship bracelet wasn’t gonna change that.”
“Didn’t think it would. Did he notice it was gone?”
Zach didn’t glorify that with a reply. Instead he sat down on the road, and stared out into the darkness with a dogged certainty.
“Well,” Gentry went on easily, “here you are. All dressed up going nowhere. Now all that’s missing is a crowd of people who think you’re courageous for showing up to the prom and queer-dancing to Elvis… Is that deer really worth your magical evening?”
“How did you get here?” Zach demanded briskly, countering the newfound warmth in his cheeks as he turned to press his jacket on the deer’s wound. “And what are you doing here?”
“I took the bus.” Gentry murmured, sitting down beside him. His gaze shifted to glare down at the the animal, whose wide murky eyes gawked back at him soundlessly. The deer didn’t jump when Zach pressed his jacket into the area, which was growing dark with blood. Its eyes calmly lingered on Gentry, no spark of protest buried beneath the deep dark space. It was enough to make him say with some certainty:
“That deer will die.”
“It won’t.”
Gentry scoffed, sitting back with his elbows on the pavement.
“Why, because you called the police? They won’t come out here for a deer.” he told Zach matter-of-factly, then looked away with discomfort.
“Why not?”
“Because those drunk guys at prom will drive home.”
“He better be there. I’ll call him all night long if that’s what it takes. But he’ll be here. He said that he’s already on his way.”
Gentry groaned quietly, “God, Zach. Do you really believe that? Don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not stupid. You’re stupid for coming here.”
“Yeah, damn right I feel stupid now.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 8

2009-02-17T00:36:00.000-08:00

Note: I updated the missed parts from last week, starting on Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 6. Sorry for the late updates! They'll be more regular now that I'm feeling better...

Zach picked up a rock to throw after it, but tossed it to the ground instead. Even if he could hit the car, it wouldn’t ease his frustration. It wouldn't answer the hard and frost-bitten questions which lingered, questions Zach grudgingly cast aside. He loosened his tie, because it felt like it was choking him.

“Where’s your pack now?” Zach shivered, glancing back at the deer and thinly suppressing the trembling sensation which twitched up his spine. Probably it was from the cold, or perhaps it was because flies were beginning to swarm into the open wound, eating away at it like old fruit. Their dreary buzzing filled what used to be silence, aggressively fighting for their share. It was disgusting. The deer looked back at Zach with its large, sad eyes, imploring him in a way logic couldn’t. So he sighed gruffly and pulled off his coat, throwing it over the deer’s. Then Zach quickly turned away and cast a sharp look down the one-way street, reminding himself that, any moment now, the police would be here. Any moment now—

Suddenly a hand closed over his mouth, and pulled him back.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 7

2009-02-16T23:58:00.000-08:00

The moon hung high over the sky, and a few feet away a lone streetlight flickered dimly. A bone-deep chill hung in the night air, echoing an equally lifeless silence along the tree-lined street. Occasionally the frantic chirping of crickets would punctuate the quiet, usually followed by a dove’s remote hooting. The deer had stopped screeching and wheezing from pain some time ago; and now just grunted with occasional discomfort. It no longer attempted to stand on its two good legs, since the cold had numbed the pain as effectively as paralysis numbed fear. Presently the animal took to lying on the ground with two murky black eyes patiently staring out at the lonely night, looking up at Zach’s dark form and standing beside it on the lookout for rumbling hot heaps of metal that weren’t coming.

The sudden flash of headlights in the distance made Zach jump, and the deer jolt its head up. A shiny silver shell whooshed so fast down the road that the air wailed with metal cutting wind. It shot through the dusk with roaring grit and steely determination, leaving a whirling trail of leaves in its dust. Zach stood in its way. Legs steady and arms at his side, holding nothing but an unwavering demand for it to break. The car screeched to a bare split second stop, motor rumbling and music blaring.
“Turn back.” Zach’s voice firmly rang out over the booming noise, “There’s a deer in the road.”
“What?”
“A deer’s in the road!”
The sportscar flashed its high-beam headlights, and its driver leaned his head and elbow out the window to yell,
“Then move it out of the way!”
Zach moved in front of the bumper and leaned his palms flat on he hood, hunching over it as he slowly ground out:
“It’s hurt. And bleeding.”
“Then drag it to the side.”
“If I touch it, it can’t go back to the wild.”
“But uh, hey, why’d the deer cross the road if it didn’t want to get to the other side?”
The engine rumbled and laughter erupted from the backseat. Zach shot them a critical look and said:
“Hah-hah-hah-Go join the circus!” he glared back at the driver and said, “Turn around this car, there are other roads that don’t have hurt deer on them.”

At this, the driver flashed his lights and honked so loudly that the deer’s neck jerked up, and Zach slammed his fists on the hood. Abruptly the music switched off, and the man stopped honking. His face contorted in a grimace of disbelief and he shouted out:
“Crazy motherfucker! If that left even one scratch, I’ll sue you! You either move that deer or move out the way, this road is public property!”
“Make me.”
The engine roared. The exhaust pumped breathed smoke into the darkness, and Zach squinted from the high-beam headlights that glinted in his eyes as the driver ordered someone in the backseat to:
“Hey, call the police---”
“I already did!” Zach retorted proudly, "But go on and tell them how you wanna turn a helpless animal to roadkill!"
After twenty minutes of arguing and countless obscenities exchanged, the driver turned around his sportscar and sped off in the other direction.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 6

2009-02-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

His reflection glanced back at him from a long mirror at the other end of the small oblong room; a room ripe with the smell of old caked-on piss and anti-septic air freshener. Stalls were in one corner and a row of porcelain sinks in the other, barely separated through the narrow path illuminated by the harsh neon bulb which glared overhead. Buzzing steadily. Eliminating every shadow to emphasize the gleam of the white-tile floor, so aggressively scrubbed that the rust-colored dirt between the tiles stood out like a grid of rectangular scars. The tiles were so small, Gentry noted in annoyance, that it was impossible not to cross the lines. He lurched forward just as a stall door opened and Mikey shuffled out.
“Sorry, didn’t see you there...”
“Why isn’t Zach with you?”

The bluntness of the question startled him. He didn’t expect such a lack of subtlety, but it was not unusual enough to make him hesitate in his reply:
“Because my private life is none of your business.”
Gentry’s hands reached out before his mind chose to act, and loudly shoved the metal trash can against the door.
“Your posters are all over the locker room, even the bathrooms. I can’t take a shit without knowing how out and proud you are.”
“Gentry.” Mikey said possessively, taking a deep breath but not breaking the shallow focus his eyes had on Gentry’s face. On those old dark eyes and the freckles so youthfully out of place, a gross reminder of childhood not quite overcome. He kept a safe distance with his feet pointed towards the blocked door, perhaps in a subconsciously futile effort. Yet it was more instinct than fear, because he already knew why Zach protected him, and understood that behind Gentry’s firm-footed stability was a wanton sickness that coursed through his veins, a nature he could not do anything about. It fulfilled Mikey in a way he wasn’t entirely aware of— he had seen that picture, found it beneath Zach’s old clothes, and it told him everything he needed to know:
“Your closeted act doesn’t fool me. Or anybody except you. The only reason Zach does anything for you is that he feels sorry for you, and now I can see why. He’s gone for just one moment, and you can’t take it. But even if he would have come, he would leave with me. Because he’s my boyfriend, and frankly, none of your business. So back off.”

Gentry pulled him into a stall and latched it shut. It happened so quicky he didn't need to think about it, and now the two of them were more than alone, with Gentry leaning against the steel bolt and Mikey staring back at him with thinly-veiled disgust. Mikey steadied himself against the white porcelain toilet, pressed into the other side of the stall, as far away as possible.
“I called the press because I expected you’d try something. You can beat me, kick me, piss on me, but I’m not backing down because I’m not scared of you. Violence won’t change the truth—”
“This is not about you.” Gentry said, to which Mikey blatantly replied:
“I know who this is about, and he isn't yours. You should be out there instead of in here. They haven’t even called prom queen yet, and your so-called date—”
“Is so drunk she won’t notice I’m gone. No one will miss you, either. Prom isn’t for connecting with people, it’s for setting yourself apart from them.”
“You can’t just lock me in a bathroom stall.”
The reply came as a shrug.
“Whatever you do to me, it will be in the paper the next day.”
“I’m not hurting anyone.”
“This is ridiculous.” Mikey sighed.
“Your excuse is ridiculous.”
“So, are we going to spend the whole night like this?”
“As long as it takes.”
Mikey looked away with exasperation, stiffly leaning back against the narrow walls. This confrontation felt surreal enough for him to pinch at signs of some hidden motive, idly searching for some spire of truth, and the stinging sensation of that lone barb of intent. It seemed like Gentry was making up the rules as he went along, as if the more in control he was, the more out-of-control things became. Mikey's thoughts were briskly interrupted by a pounding at the door, and Gentry’s quip:
“There is another bathroom on the second deck. They won’t notice that this one is closed.” His eyes stared past Mikey’s with a fishy determination, bruised hands blocking the lock from both his reach and vision. “This is what Gay Solidarity is all about, isn’t it? Using people to get what you want. I want to know why Zach isn’t here, and I can wait all night until you tell me.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 5

2009-02-02T02:59:00.000-08:00

He watched him intently for roughly five minutes, scrutinizing every step before setting his gaze on the double doors. By the large blue-balloon arch. He’d seen what he needed to, and heard what he didn’t. Clear on what Mikey was here for and why every guy in the GSA was wearing a blue tux, unable to ignore that mild voice preaching to each member of the yearbook staff about gay solidarity for the 33% of gay teens silenced by suicide, speaking up for the silenced minority while posing in pictures with every girl on the floor. Prom could never just be prom, there was always more to it. It was used to show how much money people could throw around, how much hotter they were than everybody knew, or that they really did care for the poor sap who sliced up their wrists in high school. Nasty would probably spend all of tomorrow assuring the principal that although everyone was hammered, not one student was inappropriately dressed. Perhaps this was one of the reasons the disoriented local newspaper reporter was heading for the punch, and probably why this kid named Jake had spiked it with the small tin of vodka hidden in his sleeve, pouring it into the blue plastic cup that would later be dumped into the bowl during a refill. Slowly, because as long as you didn’t look like you were doing something wrong, people left you alone.

“We’re doing this to promote gay solidarity. We’re wearing blue because that’s how people get beaten black and blue. Gay teen suicide attempts are four times more likely than those of heterosexual teens.”

Yeah? I don’t see it. Gentry contented himself in knowing Zach wasn’t here, but suppressed the nagging curiosity of just why until it got the better of him. So he eased Kylie into a seat, and told her, “You wait here— I’ll get us more punch.”
She smiled goofily and clasped her arms around him, “But I loooove this songgg…”
“Me too. Stay.”
He pushed her back to free himself, then snaked through the crowd and up to Mikey, who finished talking to Jenny and started for the bathroom. Gentry pursued him, and slipped in before the heavy blue door slammed shut.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 4

2009-01-26T19:20:00.000-08:00

Someone had spiked the punch.
Someone always did, and it was especially important during prom. Each time people pretended not to know, because it was a good excuse to get high and move past the essential stiffness. Gentry poured a full ladle into his tiny plastic cup, them poured it out and diluted the small remainder with water. He liked to see what people did when they got drunk. It felt good knowing what they would scramble to remember the next day. Although he never told them, he saved the knowledge. The other reason he didn’t drink was because he knew how Carly used to snap pictures of these events, and later threatened people with them. There was always one douchebag with a camera phone— ready to threaten you.

But that didn’t stop Kylie, who was on her third cup by the time she swayed up to the photographer in her six-inch heels, staring sheepishly into the lens of the mounted SLR camera. Gentry apprehensively propped her up with one arm, standing on a ductaped “X”-mark with both feet firmly on the ground, back up against a cardboard backdrop of the starry night sky. Kylie took his hand and stood as the photographer told her to— close, but not too close since the parents might want copies. She flipped her hair once and grinned stiffly as Gentry started to wonder why the large red-rose bouquet beside him smelled like soap. The flash went off and the photographer motioned them away with a flick of his palm. Later he would edit the red flush from the photograph, and replace it with a warm glow. The photographer enjoyed editing pictures more than taking them, since editing was where he put in what should have been there in the first place.

Gentry snaked through the crowd with Kylie stumbling after him, until she finally fell into a seat by the wall.
“When are we going to dance?” she breathed.
“When you figure out how to stand.”
Sydney was thrusting his body to the left and right like a bear in heat, until his date finally corralled him into a slow dance. Every now and then she cried out “omigosh! No!” whenever he copped a clumsy feel. But she didn’t really fight him off, either, because one way or another that billowy “mom-approved” dress would come off. And Gentry figured this was just as well, since formal was the way you dressed, not acted.

About fifteen minutes ago Mikey had walked through the door, dateless and alone. This made Gentry downright exhilarated. In fact, if his date had been able to stand properly, he would have waltzed with her up and down the floor.
Yes.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 3

2009-01-10T23:16:00.000-08:00

Zach’s hand clenched tightly around the neck of the champagne bottle, moistening in a sickly cold sweat. Felix gaped. Casey’s knee jerked up and down, and the driver slowly started to clean champagne off his windshield with a tiny piece of tissue paper.
The first to break the silence was Mikey, who demanded,
“Why did we stop?”
“We hit something.”
“I’ll clean the way.” Zach threw open the door and rushed out to the front of the car, as Casey glanced back at the driver and levelly demanded,
“Like… what?”
“Like a deer.”
At that moment Zach pounded on the windshield and Casey jumped in his seat, rolling up the window.
“It’s a deer.” Zach’s breathed, his words turning to fog in the cold evening air, “It’s bleeding, but it’s still alive— we need to move it out of the road.”
The passengers exchanged odd looks, but Zach urged them,
“Come on.”
The car emptied, walking a few steps behind Zach as he approached the mangled deer. Its feet looked crushed, bloat coating the candle-white fur along the hooves. He crouched down beside its heaving, damaged form, then stared up at Mikey, who had already been gawking down at him. After ten heated seconds, Zach snapped,
“You going to help?”
“It might have ticks. Or rabies.”
“Then call police.” Zach jumped to his feet and surveyed the deer again before adding, “I can’t tell how much blood it’s lost, but if we move it, it will lose more. I’ll block the road. You call police.”
With that, Zach marched to the center of the one-way road and wildly waved his arms.
“We have alcohol, Zach, that won’t work.” Casey reminded him, calling at him from a distance.
“What do you mean it won’t work?”
The limo driver piped up, “You’re all underage. I could lose my license…”
“We could get in trouble,” Mikey added.
“Forget that— It will die if we don’t do something.”
“That deer shouldn’t have jumped in front of our limo. Just move it to the side of the road, and let’s get going to the prom.” Casey exhaled, “We have a statement to make.”
“That can wait!” Zach called back, “And if you won’t call, I will.”
“Zach,” said Mikey.
Zach wouldn’t look at him, he just continued wildly flailing his arms with a hurt look on his face.
“Zach, listen to me… I’ll call police, we’ll use another route. Now can we go to the prom?”
“We can’t leave it here! Another car might roll it over before the police come.”
Mikey furrowed his brow, “Well. Then you can stay here with the deer. You do whatever you need to do… I’m not going to let it ruin my night.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 2

2009-01-07T17:30:00.000-08:00

Zach had stumbled out of the house late, yet everything else was going according to plan. The limo had been on time: a long black ride purchased with pooled assets from Mikey, Ethan, Felix, Casey, and of course, Zach himself. Though Zach knew that none of them really had any of their own money— most got it from their parents, and passed it off as “allowance” to look respectable. About a week prior to the event, Mikey had e-mailed specific instructions as to how everyone needed to look in order to make “a statement of individuality":

· Powder blue tuxedo jacket.
· White t-shirt
· White satin tie, tinted blue
· Blue formal pants.
· Polished blue suede shoes
· Powder blue tophat.

Although Zach wasn’t part of the GSA, Mikey convinced him that they needed to “stand out” in order to make an important statement of gay solidarity and pride at the prom. Zach couldn’t quite grasp the concept, but it wasn’t the first time in his life that something did not make sense. Although he originally wanted to wear baggy pants, he sternly decided The Cause was more important.

“Zach! Glad you could join us.” Mikey grinned, as Zach ducked into the limo.
“Now that the gang’s all here, I propose a toast.” Casey lisped, pulling a bottle of champagne out from inside his coat.
Mikey’s mouth dropped open, and he said, “You better not let someone photograph you like that. It’s illegal.”
“Psh, our chauffeur can keep a secret, there’s no camera; and it’s only for the limo.” Casey grinned and shrugged.
“We have eight more bottles.” Felix added, excitedly. Casey shook the bottle wildly then shoved it into Zach’s hands, while cattily urging him to “do the honors, 'cause Mikey the Humanitarian here won’t.”
Zach grinned frozenly throughout the while, mostly trying not to look like a dork, then pulled the cork so suddenly that the champagne shot forward and hit the windshield.
Immediately, the limo swerved and screeched to a halt with an untimely thump.

Because You Suck: Chapter 20: Part 1

2009-01-05T00:49:00.000-08:00

“High Rollers Casino” was the prom theme.
Every year, Kennedy High held its Senior prom on a rented yacht, which was anchored in place to avoid potential lawsuits. The decorations were recycled year after year, yet this time they had saved enough money for a roulette table and Monopoly Money to gamble with. Some people sat around playing cards, others sat around pretending to watch them, loudly admiring each others’ outfits. Although music was pumping through the first-rate speakers, most people stood around awkwardly unsure of whether they were better off dancing or looking good. You didn’t want to look stupid in your yearbook photograph… the place was creeping with yearbook photographers. And unlike prom night, a yearbook lasted forever. Yearbook cameras could be anywhere, and the risk of a bad picture was particularily high when you were dancing. A roll of fat could become dislodged, lipstick could get smeared, anything was possible. So most people stood stiff as a board, exchanging wooden smiles. Girls kept their heads stiff to keep their calculated curls in place, as they exchanged stale smiles and compliments.

Gentry nearly laughed when he came through the door, and the scene had washed over him along with a cheesy Elvis Presley rendition of “The Impossible Dream.” Here were a bunch of beautiful useless people standing around waiting to be noticed, and the irritating buzz of conversation waiting to be heard. At some point the band geeks had flooded the stage, and were loudly conversing about tubas.

Gentry had unintentionally rebelled by not wearing a suit. He had “borrowed” one of Carly’s dark tuxedo blazers to wear over a t-shirt and jeans, the same coat Carly had worn the year before. It was good that they had the same dress size, he supposed, although Kylie had fussed over it throughout the limo ride. That and the lack of a corsage, an unforgivable offense. Gentry kept his mouth shut as she chided him, until she grew tired of complaining. He didn’t think it was such a big deal not to wear a suit, but now that he eyed the others, he wondered if this was what rebellion felt like. It felt good.

“You should’ve dressed more formal.”
“A tux is formal.”
“The jacket alone isn’t. And jeans aren’t ever appropriate for prom.”
“Prom isn’t appropriate for anything.”

He just barely managed to strut past Ms.Nasty, who stood prim-lipped at the bright red double-doors to ensure that everybody was dressed appropriately. She gave him a sharp look, but let him pass after gauging that Kylie’s hem was the correct number of inches to make a pair fit for yearbook pictures. Kylie was dressed to the knives, and looked pretty good, he supposed, with her pin-straight hair and navy blue gown, the kind which ruffled along the shoulders. Her make-up covered the only thing they had in common, and sharp six inch heels elevated her tiny feet above the confetti-strewn ground. and her tiny feet were elevated six inches in sharp blue heels. She looked good, Gentry thought to himself, especially when she lit up after her friends in the yearbook committee decided that they made a cute couple. Gentry initially thought was some sort of sly joke, but then decided that perhaps fashion just meant looking stupid and uncomfortable.
Whatever.
They took pictures.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 38

2009-01-02T04:19:00.000-08:00

Note: This scene starts on Chapter 19: Part 36, and has three parts. This is part 3/3!

Ducks only see black and white, so don’t forget to accentuare the key colors on your decoys— it is surprising how successful you can be by exaggerating size and brightness

Gentry was staring, too, taking it in as he crudely wiped his blood-stained hands on the sofa. The voice rang out over the footage of the dead duck, probably recorded after the fact:

We were successful here, but normally you want to keep moving. Be where the ducks are. So don’t get too attached to one spot— don’t get left behind, or you get left with nothing. Remember, you need to hunt after what you want.

“Don’t you ever think about your mom? Why she doesn’t look for you?”
“She doesn’t need to.” Gentry replied.
“Don’t you wonder if she cares?”
“No.”
“All those years she knew what he was doing. She let you walk out of her house, just like that. My mom is sending me away, because that’s what you do when people are dead to you. But yours is something else. Would she notice if you died; would she care? Would anyone?”
Gentry quietly stood up, and Carly took one look at him then groaned, “Where the hell you going? Buying more beer?”
“Like you need more beer.”
Carly leapt off the couch and stormed in front of him.
“Here you are, burning your hands everyday. You burn yourself, you think that’s normal? That’s what crazy people do.”
Gentry brushed him aside and began to walk down the hall, barely listening. Carly could yank his chain all day long, because fact was, Gentry didn’t care. There were things that needed to be done, things that needed finishing.
Carly bellowed after him,
“People just think you’re normal!”
“You’re as normal as a stick in a hand-jar.” Gentry murmured, opening the bedroom door, “If rehab can’t fix “fucked up,” at least you’ll fit in.”
Carly stormed after him and slammed the bedroom door, “I’m fucked up but I’m not crazy! Crazy is not feeling anything, being numb without drugs! And you walk around like you’re sedated. I can tear down this house and you don’t have a reaction— and then you think you’re better than me? You only think you have control, but you don’t. And one day, you’ll crash—”
“Prom’s in two days.”
Gentry glanced away from his cold hard mirror reflection.
“Where do you keep your tux?”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 37

2009-01-02T04:12:00.000-08:00

Note: This scene starts on Chapter 19: Part 36, and is one of three parts! This is part 2/3.

Gentry eyed him for a moment, then looked away and nodded slowly. As Carly pulled away, Gentry fixated his eyes fixated on the hunter’s mouth, watching it move to fit each word. Trying hard to remember what that bird was called. Attempting to recall all those times his father had told him about the birds, swearing how important it was to know what you were dealing with; which type. He only vaguely remembered the feel of that leather-gloved hand guiding him to the trigger, and a clear voice telling him when to fire. What Gentry couldn’t remember was if he’d liked it, because nothing was clear about Alabama except the cold dead-weight of the rifle in his hands, and a lump building in his throat.

“But I won’t be here much longer, Gentry. I want you to know.”

What was that bird? He couldn’t remember, it was all very blurry… but it was there, somewhere between the rising pitch of the choir and the bullet’s hollow pang. He just needed to find it.

The pintail is an alternative to the standard mallard duck call. This mallard whistle works in most situations, but every duck hunter should be bilingual. That’s how you tell ducks what they want to hear, and draw them in. Always carry a pidgeon and pintail with you, and make sure to identify the duck before calling it

“You listening?”

Whistling’s also great way to get kids into the action, because it is hard to mess up...

“They’re sending me away.”

Gentry looked up startledly, as if he’d nodded off to sleep a few minutes ago. But he was awake, more awake then he’d felt in some time.

“That’s a mandarin duck.”
“Huh?”
“What that guy’s holding. Its long claws let it nest in trees.”
Carly eyed him for a good long, long moment. And when Gentry added, “It rarely breeds with the wood duck, even though they come from the same species” he responded by irritably turning back to the TV. Without looking away, he reached over and tossed Gentry the remote, which Gentry caught without trying.
“How’s nationals looking?”
“Good enough.”
“You still getting in enough practice?”
“Always do.”
“Good. Just make sure you act like a team, even if Zach’s in it. The audience can mess with your head, but everyone loves a close-knit team. The closer you look, the more intimidated the other side gets.”
Carly abruptly fell silent, realizing that talking was fruitless. There was nothing he could say that Gentry didn’t already know, or hadn’t already heard. Nothing. The hunter had stopped talking as well, and silently held the bird’s wings together for a moment longer before releasing them from his hands. The duck flapped wildly, camera swerving to capture how its wings glinted against the sun. It looked downright surreal, the way it caught the clouds with its passioned strokes— Carly watched it soar up until the shot rang out which sent it plummeting from cloud nine, back down to Earth. Immediately the camera flashed to it. After taking it in for a good five minutes, Carly decided that a dead pile of feathers wasn’t as gruesome as he thought it would be. It was actually very boring.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 36

2009-01-02T02:01:00.000-08:00

Note: Sorry for the delay! I'm posting this scene out in three posts, because lumping it together in one post makes it read heavy. It's an important scene, promise--- I spent New Years editing it! This is part 1/3.

The house was dark inside and out, and its floor was pool of dismantled furniture. Papers fluttered through the air, in and out of the moonlight, raining down on him as he opened the door. Although it was dark, he could make Carly’s silhouette out against the sparse natural light, hacking away at the couch with a steak knife. The moonlight shadowed his face and body, and like the night he was silent, save for the the ragged breath which occasionally escaped his lungs.

Gentry flipped on the lights.

His dark eyes drifted over the torn books strewn across the floor, and he barely spent one minute in the doorway before he started to kick the pages out of the way. Crinkling paper was particularily loud in the dusky quiet, loud and efficient, as he stalked down the hall. Crunching over broken furniture and fizzling remains of the telephone, stepping into the shattered pieces of the urn. What was in his way was soon kicked out of sight, forming a neat carpet path while the TV buzzed on like a malevolent fly.
Carly stopped stabbing the couch, and leered over at him. He threw the butcher knife at the wall, from where it rebounded to the floor with a heavy clang; then stood up with his wobbly legs on the cushions with yellowed stuffing in his clenched white fists. He threw it in the air and yelled at the top of his lungs,
“Four walls make a tomb!”
The bathroom door clicked shut.
Carly took the lamp and smashed it into the wall, again and again until it flickered off, sparks lighting the air from the exposed wires. The overhead light was still on though, shining down on him like a cold sun. But he was tired now, so he exhaled deeply and sunk into the folds of the leather sofa, groaning as steam began to creep out from underneath the bathroom door.
“For Christ’s sake.”
He stormed out of his seat and threw open the door, his eyes meeting Gentry’s complacent stare, and then drifting to the gnarled red hands. Bruised and disfigured, turned leathery by constant heat, cracked with sores and wrapped around by river-like scar tissue. Those hands bothered him; they did not break.
“Ever draw blood?”
The faucet squeaked off and Gentry brushed past him. He quietly sat down in front of the TV, shoving the beer cans off the table. The television blared on with some hunting show. It flickered across the screen in its color-saturated glory: some guy with a thick gray-brown handlebar mustache was a holding some kind of bird, pinning its wings together with one gloved hand while steadying its head with the other. Every now and then it would jerk wildly, before reverting to rigid stillness, while the guy continuously jibbered on to the camera about how to cook it.
“I don’t like hunting shows.” Carly confided, awkwardly. “The hunter is always an idiot, yet he always wins. Who watches this stuff? You ever wonder that?”
Gentry shrugged emptily, then slouched back in his seat to watch the screen. In the corner of his eyes, Carly’s old swim team trophy glistened on the mantle. It wasn’t from Nationals, though. The school kept those. This one was probably from another match, and it was beautiful. Mounted on that white limestone, hard and resilient. Amidst the dirt, the little gold men stood tall— Gentry wanted to put it in his mouth and suck on it, feel his teeth scrape against the gold-painted metal. Take it and put it in something, didn’t matter who; shove it into anyone and just thrust away. Up. Up. Up—
“Aren’t you going to ask me why I destroyed everything?” said Carly, temporarily blocking the view.
“Why?” Gentry droned out, absent-mindedly picking at some new scab. Pulling away layer after layer, trying to see how much his skin could take. There was no other reason he did it. There was no release in it.

“Same reason you do.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 35

2008-12-24T21:04:00.000-08:00

Zach finally found him sitting on the bleachers.
At the highest level, far from the ground. Right where the clouds caressed the metal; where the pool, locker room, and schoolyard were tiny and distant. Towering over the school like some holy ghost.
Each step gave a hollow metallic clang as he ascended to him. And while Gentry took notice, he made no effort to move or acknowledge him. He diligently waited until the clangs became louder, slouching with his arms folded over his stomach. In the twilight, the blue metal gleamed weakly.
“Where’s the bracelet?” Zach demanded, breathlessly, positioning himself directly in front of his face. Typical Zach. Either you moved around him or he ran you over. And if you got in his way, well.
“Answer me.”
Gentry looked up, rested his head on one fist and murmured,
“How’d you get out?”
“The window. Don’t change the subject. I want my bracelet, and I’m not leaving until you give it back.”
“Then get comfortable.”
Zach slapped him in the face.
“Don’t fuck with me.”
“A bit late for that.”
“Give me the bracelet.”
Gentry abruptly stood up, tore it off his wrist and threw it over the edge of the bleachers.
“There’s. Your. Bracelet.”
He stormed down the stairs and Zach ran alongside him, “What am I going to tell him!”
“Tell him I tossed it off the edge of the bleachers.”
Zach stopped a few steps behind him, and threw his hands in the air, “What the hell is wrong with you! When I’m found out, so are you.”
“Maybe I don’t care.”
“Then you’re not acting right.”
That’s because I’m not acting.
Gentry sighed and stopped walking, glancing over his shoulder with a pensive look on his face. Yet he didn’t look at him, because he could no longer hide the frustration which hung heavy in his heart.

“I never act right. At least I’m not twinking out over a fucking bracelet. But if it means so damn much to you, know that Mikey won’t think any less of you for cheating; because he doesn’t think about you at all. I tripped over that piece of garbage on the way here. He had his chance to throw me against the door and say how much he loved you. He had the chance to follow me here, to tutor you himself and prove how much he cared for you. He didn’t, and it isn’t because he’s trusting or stupid. It’s because he doesn’t give a fuck. And you know what, neither do I. He wants a nigger to take to the prom, so you go be that. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay out of my way and burn that picture.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 34

2008-12-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

I know you stole it!
Oh. He had it all right.
Clenched tightly in one damp and sweaty palm.
But he hadn’t stolen it. It wasn’t worth stealing— it was trash that didn’t matter.

…Only it did. For some reason, Zach had a fixation with this piece of garbage. And right now it felt just like holding a part of Mikey in his hand, the little part he could do something about. Crush it— stomp it— burn it.

The bathroom door slammed behind him.
The blue stall door clicked shut.
With the excitement of anger, he threw the bracelet to the ground and stomped onto it until he calmed down. He vaguely heard his own haggard panting over the silence, looking down to eye what was now muddied up against the blue tiles, smoothly woven but coarsely stained. It still wasn’t finished. No, that wasn’t enough. He picked the bracelet up with the tips of his fingers, reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter. He’d burn that motherfucker. Cremate him early—

But he stopped himself, noticing the sprinkler system right above the stall. Fuck. Of all stalls—
He shot out the door and crashed right into Mikey.

“Gentry.” The other boy deadpanned.

Gentry briefly stumbled back from the impact, but caught himself against the edge of the sink.
“Mikey.” He returned, unsmiling. The bracelet was still clenched in his palm, half-hazardly hidden in plain sight. Despite the racing thoughts coursing through his blood, he sternly reminded himself that there was no problem, and that it would remain that way unless he said otherwise. Mikey had nothing—
Nothing but the strained look on his face.

“I’m surprised you’re still here.” Mikey drawled emptily, “Didn’t swim practice end a few hours ago?”
Gentry gave an affirmative nod, then pushed himself off the sink and turned on the faucet. Water came gushing out, forming neat little drops at the sides of the plexiglass bowl. Slowly he eased his hands under the spray, rubbing them down nice and slow.

“So,” said Mikey, “What’s keeping you?”
“Tutoring.”

Gentry glopped soap on both his palms, and liberally doused water on the bracelet that was now stretched tightly over his wrist. It didn’t matter what Mikey thought, what he saw, or what he didn’t see— Gentry quietly decided he wouldn’t deny a damn thing if asked. There was nothing to be ashamed of, nothing he felt sorry for. Denial had “lie” built into it if you rearranged the letters, and there was nothing to lie about; just like there was nothing he owed him, and nothing he had to say for himself.
“And you?”
“Stayed for a GSA event.”
“Fundraiser?”
“Rape prevention.”
Immediately he felt the rush; some skin-prickling urgency and a sweltering light-headedness; as though the bracelet was burning up against his skin.
He didn’t say anything. Instead he continued to soak and scrub his hands, silently waiting for Mikey to leave. He’d have to, sooner or later. No one waited around forever. Fact was, if you were quiet long enough, most people got bored and left you alone.

So the silence grew until it became a monster all its own… Devouring patience and composure. He could almost smell the irritation in the steam which rose up from the water— boiling hot and heavy. It tempted him to steal a look at Mikey to confirm a new suspicion, but Gentry resisted. There was no fight unless he made one. There was no issue here, no conversation, as long as he didn't answer. And most importantly, there was no hurt unless he asked for it. Besides, Mikey knew better than to get physical: the moment he did he would lose, because there was no way you could win against someone with nothing to lose. And Gentry had nothing to lose, as long as he held on to it tightly. Fact was, the silence was not new to him, and he wasn’t that scared of it. He’d keep it for nine more years if he needed to. He quietly dared Mikey to do the same, and felt a tingle of pleasure when Mikey raised his voice again.

“Today we focused on child molesters.” That condescending drawl wavered up, then sunk into a low whisper, “Makes me sick how some parents destroy their own children. Can you imagine breaking a child like that?”

Gentry turned off the faucet and shook the water from his hands.

“No. I can’t.”

He brushed past him in distaste.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 33

2008-12-20T04:30:00.000-08:00

At that moment a string plucked in Zach’s mind… and released an unsteady dissonance. Immediately his head shot up, eyes wide with sudden understanding as he scrambled to his feet and towards the study room door. Locked.

“You bastard—” he yelled, “Open up! I know you stole it!”

Gentry heard him. He’d waited for it.
His hands slowly pushed his body off the librarian’s counter, and his lumbering body started the long tread down the hall, ears listening to how the the pounding pleas steadily weakened the farther he was and the faster his feet moved across the scratchy carpet. Farther and farther away with each step, back turned and eyes fixed forward. The double doors were right in front of him, and he could almost feel the cold metal of the handle in the fist that was slowly curling at his side. Could almost feel the cold air on his face—

“Gentry!”

He stopped. Stopped just long enough to glance over his shoulder and dangle out a set of keys. They clinked together loudly, jingling like bells in the empty library, clanking together with glorious noise. And for a short moment, Zach stopped pulling at the doorhandle and instead looked up to listen. Those wonderful blue eyes gawked at him, just him… for a moment that was just long enough to hurl the keys into the darkest, farthest corner of the library.

“Call your boyfriend.” Gentry said, just loudly enough to reach through the glass to Zach’s gaping expression, “He’ll find them.”
What Zach said afterwards, he didn’t catch, because he turned back around and loudly kicked over the trash can on his way out. As it aimlessly rolled around on the floor, he opened the double doors and quietly slipped out.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 32

2008-12-17T15:04:00.000-08:00

Note: Yes, the hand-scrape part was difficult for me to describe. Basically, if you lay on your elbows and get pushed hard enough in the upper-chest, there's a chance you can recoil and land on your palms (it's pulling away mid-way. Though you have to be quick and the shove has to be strong.) Casey and Carly are two characters whose actions will directly impact the coming chapter. And as for the bruises... hehe, I'm saving this secret. I hinted some of causes, but I've kept a lot of it secret for now. Thanks so much for the comments!!! They got me through finals :)

He kept his arms rigid, feeling the carpet press into palms. They were still hot, still heated as Zach told him:
“I don’t want him to get suspicious.”
“If he isn’t already, he’s a lousy boyfriend.” Gentry thought to himself, although he didn’t say it. Instead pulled himself up onto his feet and reached for his backpack, limply slinging it over his shoulder as he asked Zach, who was sluggishly pulling himself off the ground:
“What are you looking for?”
“Bracelet. You’ve seen it.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen it. Why’s this one so important?”
“It means something to him. He’ll notice if it’s missing.”
“Don’t you already have one?”
“This one’s different.”
“Because that faggot gave it to you?”
“—Because it’s making a statement. We’re going to the prom together— we’ll be first openly gay couple in the history of Kennedy to do that.”
Gentry was silent for a moment, then shrugged,
“I don’t care. But so you know, there can only be one prom queen.”
“I know.”
“Why do you even want to go? What’s the real reason?”
“Same reason you would.”
“To show off how you can throw money around? That you can support the school you said you were boycotting as long as they let fags drop their cash?”
“None of your damn business.” Zach snapped at him, “You’re officially ‘straight’ out of this room. And you’re taking Kylie to the prom, right?”
“Yeah. Why shouldn’t I, you’re taking Mikey.”
Zach exhaled gruffly, “You can’t compare them like that.”
“I just did.”
At this, Zach gave an exasperated sigh and realized this was going nowhere, fast. He turned away and fumble through his things, mostly for the sake of fumbling. As though he were searching for something that couldn’t de described, hazy as a childhood memory but clear as the smell of saltwater. He was annoyed, but not irritable. Just raw enough to answer him, even though the look on Gentry’s face warned him not to. He was interested all right— he’d leave if he weren’t. Zach knew that much, which was why he drawled out with satisfying slowness:
“They’re not the same, Gentry. I’m not dating him to get back at you— I’m dating him because I actually like him. If you liked me bad enough, you would have had me. But it doesn’t matter now. Telling you is a waste of breath; you do what you want no matter what I say or who you step on, and sometimes I think you like it better this way. Probably it really does it for you. You play everyone out, and I've stopped caring why. But you know, humans are pack animals. That means they trust each other enough to have these things called relationships, which they depend on for survival. But Hell! Nothing you do ever makes any sense; you do whatever the hell you want.”
“I—”
“You have your life, I have mine. If you want to be so deep in the closet that you’re tripping over Christmas presents, I won’t stop you. If I want to drag my gay ass to the prom, not your problem. You’re the last person whose opinion I’ll be crying myself to sleep over, because I don’t care about it— It’s not like you would ask me, and even if you did, I’d say no.”
Gentry opened his mother to speak, but Zach went on rambling,
“And save the faggot this faggot that, because whatever you think you are, you’re still as fruity as they come.”
The door clicked shut.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 31

2008-12-15T16:49:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe not. He irritably pulled it over his head, fussing to get his arms through.
Around this time, Mikey crept back into his thoughts, and Zach felt just a little guilty. He swore to himself, as he did every time, that this had gone on long enough. That it was time to end it once and for all.
It sounded good, but then what? Admitting it was complicated enough, but could he… would he… just continue to play house afterwards? Maybe the best thing was to leave both, retreating into a devout break from all entanglements…

As he reverently chewed his way through his guilt the way he always did after sex, Zach was fully aware Gentry was now watching him pull up his jeans and yank down his GSA t-shirt, which he only wore since he believed in The Cause. Studying the way he aligned his watch with his GSA bracelet; thinking if he liked watching him put his clothes on more than he enjoyed taking them off.

“You mind?” Zach murmured, just rudely enough.
“There’s nothing there I haven’t seen before. Gentry shrugged, and with uncharacteristic catty-ness added, “You didn’t mind me looking a few minutes ago.”
Those amber eyes glanced away, unnaturally focused on some crack in the wall. He was in no rush, he never was. He’d leisurely pull his pants back up, and lounge about for a while, basking in the sunset without saying a word.

But Zach had to say something. He always did:
“That condoms remark was really crappy, you know. Even for you. And you don’t even use condoms, so that also makes it hypocritical. Maybe you should start following your own advice. They make nice ones now. Flavored, glow in the dark...” his voice trailed off.
“Either way.” He came back in that oh-so-certain way that Gentry really liked, the kind that was ripe with conviction and just a little outrage,
“It wasn’t funny. You could hurt people with by saying shit like that.”
“Good.”
“You know— the only good thing is that you don’t talk more in public. You can be a real dick sometimes,” Zach replied casually, without glancing up. He had barely finished the last syllable before Gentry pulled him back and wrestled him against the floor.
Zach shoved him back and muttered, “Get off. I need to find something.”
“Look for it later.”
Gentry put a finger to Zach’s lips before a single word was fired, then sat up to eye him wryly with his lean-muscled legs straddled over Zach’s stomach. He loosely cupped that all-too-boyish face, before reaching his hand up to slide a cold metal ruler off the table and into his palm.
“Is this the designated time to feel guilty?” Gentry asked him, moving the ruler under that proud chin and propping it up.
“Go on. Repent.”
“I’m not Catholic, and you’re not a priest.”
“I can be.”

Those blue eyes were really something. Sunken and heavy-lidded, surly and unforgiving. He’d seen them before, but couldn’t remember where. They reminded him of the Saints in the illustrated Bible he’d read many years ago, with their heavy brows and long-suffering gaze. He liked it best when Zach looked at him that way. It made him want to hold him down and fuck him up, remind him just how human he really was— show him he wasn’t any better than anyone else. Fuck him so hard he’d forget his God.

Zach was looking at him now, eyes fixed. Following his feelings the way the tides followed the moon, lapping away at him with that spark of sympathy which never evaporated, a little piece of something that he kept in his heart when the days were long and the nights were cold.

“Your eyes are too beautiful to be glaring at me all day.”

Gentry put down the ruler. He sighed as he eased down onto his elbows, so close he could feel him breathe in.
There were times. God, were there times…

“There’s nothing wrong with this. I already know why you come here,” he whispered into his ear, hot breath grazing against his jawline, “I think about it all day. I watch you when you aren’t looking, waiting until I can be alone with you. Any time spent with you… Zach, that’s what I come here for. You don’t have to— we don’t have to do anything. But close your eyes, and you won’t regret it.”

Zach gave him a strong shove back, and Gentry staggered back to his knees, open palms scraping against blue carpet.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 30

2008-12-06T03:35:00.000-08:00

“Don’t you ever worry about being outed? Exhibition streak aside, you have to admit, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to be a closeted gay exhibitionist. In fact, it doesn’t make any sense at all, it’s like you’re setting yourself up. People are talking about us, you know. What if someone like Sydney might burst in, what would you do?”
Gentry flatly replied, “No one ever has, and no one ever will.”
“He did in the bathroom.”
“This isn’t a bathroom.”
“But they’re already suspicious.”
“They won’t be for much longer.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I just am.”
Zach looked away. You just are. Well, good for you.
But that did not sound good. At all. When someone that crazy was that certain, it was probably because he had something planned… and although Zach wanted to pry further, he stopped himself. Nothing good could come out of that, and besides, he wouldn’t have put it past him to have already put something into motion, or at least thought it through. No, that last part wasn’t reassuring at all.
Gentry cast him a wry look, then grinned and kissed at his jawline, “Stop worrying.”
“Whatever you’re planning, it doesn’t sound good.”
“It isn’t.” Gentry stopped for a moment, and thoughtfully added, “But it won’t affect you.”
“That wasn’t what I meant. It’s not about me, it’s about—” Zach sighed, throwing his head back over the seat until he felt blood gush into his forehead.
“You know what, forget it.” He gently pushed him away and added, “It’s your business; play straight or play gay or be a general fruitcake— do what you need to do. You've figured out a good system to avoid getting caught. Sydeny could walk in right now and you'd convince him he didn't know what he saw. And it won’t matter anyway because you’re the only one who can swim the Gauntlet. You’ll get away with it, like you always do. But don’t you ever get tired of it?”
“Tired of what?”
“Of denying yourself?”
“I fuck boys.” Gentry said offishly, “That’s what I do, not what I am. My culture isn’t defined by liking dick… And it’s nobody’s God damn business if I do.”
“Yeah yeah.”
Zach shrugged, then blindly reached for his GSA t-shirt.
Kennedy High GSA: Being Gay is Abnormal— I’m Extra-Ordinary.
He sat back up and shook his head to cast off the dizzy spell, then gawked at the bright blue shirt for a long while before putting it on.
Extra-ordinary…
The letters blurred into view, crisp, clear, and black.
Extra-ordinary…

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 29

2008-12-05T23:52:00.000-08:00

Zach was smiling just a little as he faded back to where he was now, listening to half-whispered words which were just loud enough to rise above the air conditioner.
When had it turned back on?
Mmm, didn’t matter. It was cold…

By now he’d learned to think past the uneasy silence which followed their rushed or not-so-rushed encounters, and presently sat on the table with nothing on his groggy mind except whether or not to hit the bathroom, and how to do so without arousing suspicion. He was surprised when Gentry spoke first,

“I like smelling you.”

Zach cast him a look from accross the room, because really, what could you say to something like that? Gentry looked back, then shrugged aimlessly; as if he didn’t know why he had said it either. He returned to shuffling about the room, picking up pieces of discarded clothing. Zach eyed the "evidence" on the table, and peevishly wiped some of it off "Wuthering Heights." Gross.
“Doesn’t it ever disturb you that people are going to be using this table after us?” he awkwardly grumbled, to which Gentry replied:
“It didn’t disturb you a few minutes ago.”
Zach sighed since the conversation was going nowhere fast, and tiredly began the search for his left sock.
“I have a bed, you know. It might be nice not to worry about people coming in.”
“Except your mom.”
Zach stalled.
Well.
Gentry held up the sock, and Zach snatched it away.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 28

2008-12-05T21:54:00.000-08:00

Note: A "headfuck" is someone who enjoys toying with peoples' thoughts, motivations, and feelings. Thanks for all the comments :)!!

“Do you know what a headfuck is, Gentry?”
“No.”
"Well, you are one.”

Zach’s gaze drifted towards the pencil sharpener. Against the smooth, sharp metal edges which easily caught the fading sunlight, glimmering brightly enough to catch his interest for a few minutes. In the background he vaguely heard Gentry say “Hasn’t stopped you yet,” and briskly replied,
“Yeah, it hasn’t.”

It was still hot enough that he half-expected the metal to melt before his eyes, scalding as a pile of hot liquid goo. He lazily inched his fingertips towards the sharpener, then suddenly darted for Gentry’s hand. The hot skin pressed against his own as he intertwined their fingers and tugged him forward, just suddenly enough to make him stumble. Gentry caught his balance easily enough, then tried to tug his hand back. Once, twice.
Gently at first, as if brushing it off as a joke.
Oh, but it was no joke. Zach was watched him with carefully concealed amusement.
And finally Gentry was pulling so roughly that Zach’s arm was shaking along with him, prompting Zach to goad him, “You can fuck, but you can’t hold hands?”
“I can do whatever I want.”
“Well,” said Zach, “Don’t you want to?”
"...Sure."
He stopped talking, and started staring; first at Zach, then at some spot on the wall. But not too intensely, just casually. As if his skin wasn’t scalding into Zach’s, as if he hadn’t tried to pull away, and as though that hand-holding was an everyday kind of thing. And it was, really, because this wasn’t important unless he said so. There was no issue unless he made it an issue, and it wasn’t as if he was from Mars and had never held hands with anyone before. He’d held his mother’s on the way to the library until it became uncool to. He’d held hands with that one girl in the first grade, after everyone dared him to. He’d held his own the first time he burnt it on the stove, and then every time after that. He’d held Zach’s hand when he pulled him into the locker room, but this, admittedly, was different. He just wasn’t sure how to explain it, preferring instead to wallow in awkward silence, grim-faced and tight-lipped.

Zach watched him smugly for a while longer, until Gentry scowled and again tried to wrench his hand away; in spite of the redness which still burned in the tips of his ears— something Zach noted with no-longer-concealed amusement because, oh no, he was not letting him go now. Instead, he intertwined their fingers together and pulled him so close that he could feel his hot breathe ghost against his jaw.
“Let go.”
It was a warning… one Zach discarded as he slid one hand around his neck, drew him close, and kissed him. The piercing stung against his skin because once, just once, Gentry didn’t have the time to plan how he’d move his mouth around it. Just once he didn’t have the ability to suppress the soft moan in the back of his throat, and the involuntary curling of his fingers. Those rough, salty lips moved with a raw uncertainty, just for that one moment… that one moment before Gentry forcefully shoved him away and flat against the table, pinning one hand over his head. Ow, that hurt. But the pounding of new of pain in his shoulder couldn’t wipe the self-satisfied smile off his face, a smile which widened as he watched Gentry catch his breath.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 27

2008-12-03T15:20:00.000-08:00

Zach leveled his gaze at him, until Gentry broke down into laughter. It wasn’t loud or annoyingly boisterous, but it was just mean enough for Zach to fire,
“Geez. You’re even less funny when you’re sleep-deprived.”
Gentry quieted down, softly tittering to himself until Wuthering Heights flew at his face, barely missing him and very narrowly scraping past top of his head. He caught it just as it banged off the wall.
“Now Zach; don’t let your jealousy out on this…” he read from the back of the cover, “enduring piece of 19th Century literature.”
“You’re not funny, I’m not jealous, and that’s not enduring.”
“The look on your face was all of those. You should have seen it.”
“Whatever. Fact is, it doesn't bother me. You're not my boyfriend; and I wouldn’t care even if you did fuck Casey.”
“I didn’t.”
“Whatever.” he grumbled, taking a deep deep breath as he crouched down to pick his pencil off the floor, only to grip hot skin instead of cold wood.
He jerked away immediately. Gentry did too, pulling back his hand if he’d burned it on an open fire. He then glanced at the ceiling, as if that crack in the second corner tile was particularily interesting today. And in turn Zach grudgingly grabbed the pencil, and rigidly sat up in his seat, scratching the pointed lead tip against the paper to slowly spell out Z-a-c-h T-y-l-e-r…
It snapped loudly.
Gentry discreetly slid him a pencil sharpener.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 26

2008-12-02T20:32:00.000-08:00

Zach used to pretend it— all of this— was spontaneous.
That this was sex, and that it sort of just happened. In the heat of the moment, with indescribable passion. Well.
There were only so many times you could “accidentally” have sex. And only so many times you could be thrown on the table and cry out “we shouldn’t…”
The jig was up. It had been up for some time, and Gentry knew it, too. Heck, he’d tease him about remembering to wear the “cheap” underwear. Zach never did think of a retort for that, but instead accepted it in stride. Well, as much stride as he could muster, since cheating was not exactly dignified.

The other thing that wasn’t dignified was peeling yourself off someone’s lap after, well. Some things Zach didn’t spend much time dwelling on, and “afterglow” was one of them. Which was why he quickly moved off Gentry’s lap, sticky-wet with a potent mix of sweat and cum, a dull ache building deep inside him. It would hurt more, later... but Gentry knew better than to leave him limping. He propped up against the table, as the day reeled through his mind.

Today’s lesson had started so slowly… he had time to leave, but he hadn’t. It all happened so slowly.

The air conditioner was broken. The heat hung heavy, swollen from the sunlight which glared through the blinds and reflected off tiny beads of sweat.

Wuthering Heights lay unopened on the library table, its laminated cover strongly glinting in the slowly fading sunlight.

The tiny room was hot, but comfortable. Too comfortable to work, and too comfortable to leave. Just good enough to stay the extra ten minutes.

Zach was slouched over the pale wood table, cheek mushed against his elbow and half-lidded eyes peering over his elbow. Sweat weighed down a few short strands of his coarse hair, the ones which refused to neatly spike up with the rest. Occasionally he would suck in his upper or lower lip, even though he tiredly acknowledged that it wouldn’t help the blistering dryness.

Days like this, he understood why rain existed.

It was one of those late afternoons where nothing seemed to move fast enough, when the world turned caramel-slow and everything was chewed over and pulled under. For the past ten minutes there had been nothing, not so much as a sound. Yet the lack of conversation didn’t bother Zach, because Gentry had a way of talking without speaking.
It was the way he sat curled up in his seat, slouching with his balled fist against frowning lips and an arm loosely thrown across his stomach, amber eyes blankly fixated on some spot in the distance. The heat was licking away at him, too; melting him into a pile of sweat and bones. The smell of chlorine still hung heavy on him, and his hair was still damp with water and sweat.
Sweat.
Both of theirs; its pungent smell permeated the air, unashamed and raw, so strong he could almost taste its curdled flavor in his mouth. God, it was hot. Too hot. So hot that Gentry peeled off his shirt and threw it at the window, falling back in his chair like a sunburned old redneck, the kind Zach saw in dubbed American TV shows.
“You need a rifle.” He told him, and Gentry smoothly drawled back,
“You need a whipping.”
No sooner had the reply left his lips then he lurched forward and took a long gulp of water, downing the bottle quickly a little bit trickled down the corner of his mouth. Zach watched him lazily, one hand fumbling through his backpack to pull out a shiny new mp3 player.
Gentry seemed to ignore him, until the first notes of the bumbling Bollywood melody reached his ears, honey-thick and rough all at once, thumping through the thick black earphones which hung loosely over Zach’s shoulders.
It went on for a good ten minutes, the only sound in the room until Gentry grumbled,
“What is that?”
“Bollywood.”
“It should be called terrible.”
Zach sighed, and sourly turned off his mp3 player.
“I was just trying to liven things up.”
“That music could make the dead turn in their graves.”
“Then, what do you like, Gentry?”
“Fucking.”
Zach gave him a knowing look, “No, really? I meant music.”
“Nothing.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Never thought about it.”
Gentry lurched forward and swiped away the mp3 player before Zach could paw it back, then stood up and flipped Wuthering Heights open to page 255.
“Finals are in a few days. Knowing Handson, most of your grade will go on an essay about any book you’ve read. Wuthering Heights is a safe bet, since he does the same thing every year.”
“I already passed.” Zach sighed, “Who cares.”
“If you’re happy with a C, then why do you still come here?”
Zach shifted uncomfortably in his seat, then leaned forward with his elbows on the table and loudly asked, “What else do I need to know?”
“He gets all his final questions off a site, but doesn’t go in order. Your safest bet is to do all the prompts... ‘comes down to seven.”
“Got it.” Zach nodded curtly, and reached for his pencil.
“Just write the outlines for now.”
“K.”
“I’ll help you from there.”
Help you. Zach didn’t know why those words irritated him as much as they did. So he briefly, very briefly, stole a look at him. At the faded jeans he had worn for the past few days, the rough bruises on his sore-scrubbed red hands, and the stale look in his eyes which hinted he hadn’t slept.
“How can you help me when you can barely help yourself?” he asked himself.
Just after the sound of his voice came back to him did he realize he’d said it out loud. Gentry paused dryly, regarded him coolly, then went on.
“A day or two before the final, you’ll read over your finished copies. By then, you’ll be ready for whatever he throws at you.”
“Gentry.”
“Yeah?”
“Did you also tutor Casey?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Gentry looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged carelessly.
“We fucked.”
The pencil dropped from Zach’s hands. It hit the floor with a muted thump, rolling between them. Zach gawked up at that unrelenting poker face, at the lips which very slowly curled into a smile.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 25

2008-12-01T14:31:00.000-08:00

Note: I was sick. To celebrate my recovery (and the leftover pumpkin pie I'll be eating until the xmas) I'm updating daily this week :)!! This part is a tad NC-17, but it's important events-wise. Promise:

Gentry ran his tongue down Zach’s chest, down his stomach, over the sticky-wet skin. There was nothing coy about it, nothing apologetic about the way Zach writhed into his lap, and then arched against the coarse fingertips which relentlessly stroked him where no one else could. Stroked him how no one else had. Fingertips all at once battered and strong, just slick enough not to break him in half. There was nothing shy about the soft pleading, nothing deceptive about the nervous sweat which trickled down the back of his neck.
Zach’s legs were straddled over Gentry’s lap, bare feet every so often kicking against the back of the Maplewood chair. It would probably leave a mark, but that wasn’t important. Zach wasn’t aware of it, or how tightly his arms were wrapped around Gentry’s neck, his natural fear of falling, in the reassurance of the strong arms which kept him steady as each excruciatingly slow thrust pushed him closer. Closer to coming, closer to leaving, closer to him.

Coming was not the best part, it was right before… that little space in time when Gentry first pushed inside him, when he slowly fell apart. When he no longer cared about showing off or who had control, and finally betrayed how much he needed this.

Behind tightly closed lips was the silent whisper which needed no voice; unspoken words reflected in the depths of his eyes. Later he’d play it off, shrug it away. But in that moment…

In that moment, Zach knew he could hurt him. He could catch him off-guard, he could make him admit every weakness and make him beg for even the slightest sliver of affection— Beat him down and use him. But he never did. Because…
In that little moment in time, he felt closer to him than anyone in the world.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 24

2008-11-13T04:03:00.000-08:00

Note: Rape does not turn people into rapists. That's a myth. The number of abusers is small in comparison to the number of victims, and even if some abusers were abused, the majority of rape victims do not rape others. PSA over.

“Did you know that most rapists were raped themselves?” he asked morbidly, “It’s psychologically proven— abuse can turn you into an abuser. It’s sad, but that’s how it is. Rape’s not something you should take lightly, and what Gentry is doing is very dangerous and… offensive.”
“Yeah, well. What else is new? Maybe he had water in his ears. Maybe it doesn’t leave his ears, maybe it flows the other way...”
“This isn’t funny.”
Zach reached over to turn off the blaring Bollywood music, then fell back into the barely-there folds of the sleek black couch.
“I’m not trying to funny.” He sighed, “But you’re being too serious. It isn’t as if it’s a death sentence.”
“It can be.”
Zach peered up at him and brashly replied,
“So can walking down the street.”
“Hm?”
“A car might hit you.”
Zach moved to sit up, yet Mikey shifted his weight to keep him in place.
“Explain.”
“—Anything can cause trauma.” Zach grunted, “What I’m trying to say is that we’re only human, and probability says you will be hurt. But that doesn’t mean that you’ll become a bully or a victim or the walking dead. In the end, it’s people that decide their actions, not their problems.”
“Hm. So…” Mikey’s voice trailed off, and he glanced away.
Zach continued on, awkwardly. He didn’t notice how Mikey was tersely looking away, present in body but not in mind.
“People have problems, but that’s not everything there is to them… let’s be reasonable here—”
“But you still think it’s wrong, don’t you?”
“Of course—”
“And you think victims shouldn’t be re-victimized?”
“Yes, but—”
“But what? Last summer, I volunteered at a counseling center. They told us about how dangerous these misconceptions are, so it’s really messed up what Gentry’s doing.”
Zach’s eyes narrowed, distant from conflict. After about a minute he took a long, labored breath. Mikey leaned in to peck him on the lips, but Zach turned his head away. At this, Mikey wordlessly moved off him and said,
“Why don’t you stand up to Gentry on this remark? If anyone can do it, it’s you. You’re smart, and you know rape is wrong.”
Zach looked at him from the corner of his eyes, then replied in a strained voice, “It’s not my place—”
“So he has you where he wants you.”
“No.” Zach scoffed, “That’s not it.”
“If you won’t stand up to him, I will.”
“No—”
Mikey’s lips parted, and his eyes lit up in a way which made Zach squirm. The look quickly faded, and Mikey shrugged and calmly moved off him, taking a seat on the armchair opposite the couch.
The sunlight shone in from the bay window, illuminating rings under his eyes. There was a look about him, the look of someone who never sat still, someone who was just now sitting down to think. He knew Zach well enough to know that it took a lot to shut him up, and he wondered what was in it for him. People didn’t deserve things, they wanted things. He reasoned that Zach must want something. He was not sure, however, what he wanted with Zach.
“You know, Zach.” He murmured, “Any way you slice it, a rape survivor will never be normal again. Think about that.”
Zach sighed as he sat up, “Why does everyone have to be normal?”
“Because people who aren’t make things too complicated.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 23

2008-11-10T03:39:00.000-08:00

“Condoms…”
Mikey’s voice trailed off, falling beneath the Bollywood music which blared in the background.
Zach slid past him with his best attempt at a dance, sliding over the hardwood floor in his socks. Zeus followed cloe behind him, snorting and grunting in bewilderment, his hooves slipping on the newly mopped floor. The maid had mopped it later than usual, and the moment Zach had seen it, he kicked off his shoes and yelled at Mikey to turn on the Bollywood music. Although Mikey hated Bollywood music with every cell in his mind, he grudgingly went along with the request.
“Zach, have you read this article?” he asked over the high-pitched singing and the maddening drumbeat. Gods, he hated Bollywood music. He had taken that dance class to demonstrate cultural sensitivity, a delicate ability which was slowly ebbing away. Zach had more Bollywood music on his mp3 player than anyone needed, and he wasn’t even from India. It was flat out weird… Mikey wished that Zach would just focus on being gay… or half-black… or Estonian… because this was just too much. People needed to stick to their culture.

Right now, Zach was skating large circles around him, narrowly avoiding tables and chairs. Mikey tersely watched him woosh by.

“I never read the school paper!” he exclaimed, gracefully gliding past him.
“Gentry was interviewed… he said that Kennedy should pass out condoms to prevent rape. Can you believe that?”
“Yeah, I can.”
Zach twirled around on one foot, then dramatically collapsed onto the couch, resting one arm over his forehead with unearned tiredness.
“I wouldn’t be so casual about it, Zach. And I wouldn’t be dancing around like that, either. This is serious.”
“I don’t want to be serious.”
“Well, rape is a very serious crime, which he obviously doesn’t understand. I can’t believe he’s even being considered for Valedictorian, since a valedictorian is supposed to represent the school…”

Zach sighed forcefully, raised both his eyebrows and looked up at the ceiling, but didn’t say anything. There were times when saying anything was saying too much. So, in the absence of commentary, Mikey went on:
“A rape victim can never be normal again, their lives are ruined and they are dead inside.”
“Now come on.” Zach turned onto his side, “Getting raped doesn’t turn you into the walking dead.”
Mikey leered at him for a moment, then shrugged and put down the paper. He slowly sauntered to the couch and climbed on top of Zach, leaning in. He was not stupid; it was clear that Zach’s newfound joy hadn’t come from out of nowhere. The bruises were one thing, and the way Gentry looked at him was another... it was plain to see that something very predictable was going on. He didn’t like it, not one bit.

Some days he wondered what Gentry had over him, but promptly decided it was not a thought worth pursuing. Whatever Gentry had, it didn’t make him great enough to be in a relationship with. He wasn’t even an ex, there had never been a relationship. All he was was a confused homophobe, and now he was starting to suspect that there was something else wrong with him. It was only a hunch, but he was going to test it.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 22

2008-11-06T04:01:00.000-08:00

“All right, Gentry. What do you think athletes need to know about rape?”
“That it’s bad.”
“Is that all?”
“Well… Rape is the worst crime.”
“Anything else you wanna add to that? Like, do you have any tips for athletes or anything?”
“Not to rape anyone.”
Kylie scribbled that down, hunching over slightly so that her breasts jiggled and bulged out of her top.
Mike cruised by, nearly dropping the lunch tray as he did a double take.
“…Hey Kylie.”
Kylie didn’t glance up as she sighed a greeting. She had worn a low-cut baby blue top today, and was vainly hoping someone would notice. Mike did, brightly commenting that blue was his favorite color.
“It looks good on you.”
“That’s nice.” Kylie whirred dismissively, “But I’m doing an interview for journalism so, let’s talk later ok?”
Gentry gave him a tiredly sympathetic look. Even he knew that Kylie’s “later” meant “never.” Mikey had a conflicted look on his face, and straightened his posture as he brushed past, loudly his tray down beside Sydney and Ethan. Sydney, who had also noticed the top, brightly held two oranges up with a large grin plastered across his face.

“All right,” Kylie chirped and looked back at Gentry, who gazed at her with patient disinterest. She thought his cool front was absolutely sexy. She liked men who were in control… that was a very good quality to have.
“So… Gentry. Tell me…” she clicked her tongue and snuck a look at him, then back at the sheet, “who do you think is most responsible for ensuring that women stay safe… that rape does not happen?”
“People.”
She sucked on her lower lip, and embroidered her previous question,
“Are there any experiences that shaped your view? Anyone in particular?”
Gentry had a blank look on his face, then thoughtlessly replied,
“My dad.”
“Oh. So would you say, that your dad was positive male influence on that subject?”
“Yeah.”
Mike gruffly pulled away the oranges, after getting tired of Sydney jiggling them around, rubbing his fingertips over their ridged surface. Normally, it didn’t bothered him. Except that now, she was sitting right there. Ethan laughed dully at this, but moused-up the moment Kylie shot him a mean look.
“That is amazing.” She said, pointing a no-nonsense face at them, before she slowly turned back to Gentry, “I think it’s great that you grew up around a positive male influence. So many guys don’t have one, and it’s so great that you do. That really impresses me. You know, I think your dad’s a really great guy. He’s not only smart, but cool too; I talked to him in the office a few times. He knows so much about so many things.”
“Yeah.”
“…Including law, which is something I’m very interested in. Maybe I could come over for dinner sometime…?”
“Do you have any other questions?” Gentry snapped impatiently.
Kylie met his eyes, but saw nothing there. So she fell into a disenchanted silence, glimpsed at her list, and slowly read out,
“Is there anything you think Kennedy High should do to inform students about rape?”
Gentry took a chug of water, clunked it down and replied, “Pass out condoms.”
“Condoms?” Kylie glanced up, brows raised high with animated bewilderment.
“Yeah.” Gentry shrugged, “You never know what happens.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 21

2008-11-03T00:08:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a long time, Gentry thought.
Admittedly, he didn’t spend as much time thinking as he spent feeling. But today, he was thinking. Really thinking. Perhaps at the wrong time, but it was something.
T h i n k i n g.
Thoughts which set his heart racing, which turned the dreary climpering of the keys in his mind to a wild melody which resonated through every part of him— even through stubborn silence. His lips were slightly curved from quiet daydreams he would never tell anyone, trying to remember how good it felt to touch and be touched. And to be able to rest his head on Zach’s shoulders, breathing him in.
It felt good.
Sometimes, he toyed with the fantasy of, one day, unapologetically taking Zach's hand in public. He would walk through the blue-brick schoolyard without having to say anything to anyone; not as some attention whore, not as the “gay guy,” and without the intention of playing politics. He would just walk with him because he wanted to, and if people didn’t like it, too bad. Their looks wouldn’t matter anymore, and their voices wouldn’t reach him.
It was a stupid fantasy; one which Gentry always dismissed right after bathing in its warm glow.

“What is rape to you?”

Gentry suddenly glanced up; blankly.

“Four letters.”

The question had come from nowhere, and hit suddenly like cold shower.
Where was he? Who had said that?
Kylie was sitting there at the lunch table, and she had asked him a question. She was interviewing him. Right. She was doing an interview. For the school paper. About what? About rape.
“That’s it?” Kylie drummed her pencil on her notepad, “Four letters?”
“Well... Rape… is not a good thing... It’s definitely against the law.” He replied, because he really didn’t know what else to say. Words didn’t mean much. Words were combinations of grunts and symbols, sounds which could manipulate as easily as they could be manipulated. He knew how to use them, but gut instinct always told him what he really needed to know. Words were ornamental, and had failed where his gut instinct hadn’t.

Four letters did not describe rape.
He wanted her to get fucked bloody on the way home. Then she would know better than to talk about it so easily. She could write her own article… maybe even a compelling survivor story. That would get you into Vassar.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 20

2008-10-31T02:55:00.000-07:00

Note: Happy Halloween!!

The afternoon sun beat down on his back, drying up the droplets which skimmed over his form and along the curve of his spine, down to his sturdy legs, and slowly dripping from his black swim trunks.
He looked good, Mikey decided. Damn good.
So he leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek, “Want me to drive you home this time? I got my license, so I came here with my new BMW… you just have to see it. It’s like silver, and very shiny. It even has a backseat.”

Zach pulled away, “We don’t need to give them a show. Enough already.”

Mikey sighed past the grin plastered to his face, as Zach moved back to the pool and crouched down to save some poor humming bee from chlorinated doom.
“Didn’t you say that you’re not his bitch?”
“Yeah. I did. But there’s a fine line between freedom of expression and shoving your view in someone’s face.”
“All right… though you were licking your fingers—”
“That’s different. I’m only doing to Syd what he’s doing to me. Do you know how many times he talks about boobs? The other guys are always talking about tits this, boobs that, breasts that; hell, I now know more about breasts than I ever wanted to… I don’t talk to them about cock. And why? Because I’m polite. And I’m tired of being polite, I’m tired of them calling me faggot and acting like I’m less manly and don’t belong on their team. Hell, I’m more manly than any of them, because I can fuck my own kind, I don’t need some delicate girl to make me feel tough—”
“Whatever, Zach. It’s your call…” Mikey’s voice drifted off as he moved behind him, quietly watching Zach lean forward to cup the struggling insect into his hands. As he sqawted to maintain balance, the trunks crawled down his hips, and a bruise came up. It was mild discoloration, but visible enough.
“Hey, where did you get this bruise?” Mikey murmured, at which Zach startled and nearly dropped the insect. He quickly regained his composure as he shakily stood up and tossed the critter out past the fence, into some fresh green blades of grass.
“Oh… I didn’t know I had one.” Zach replied, truthfully enough. He didn’t know it was there, but God did he ever know where it came from.
“It must’ve been an accident.”
Mikey raised his eyebrows and replied coldly,
“Be more careful.”
Then he brightly changed the subject, asking, “Did you get a tux for prom yet? If not, I have a list of what I’m wearing… to make sure we match.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 19

2008-10-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

And the moment he was gone, Mikey grinned at Zach and said, “God, he’s like a dictator!”
“He is.”
“But was that really necessary?”
“Yeah, it was.”
Zach put down his finger, but not before giving a saucy look to the angry freshman who was desperately trying to glare him down.
“I’m not going to let some breeder push me around— hell, you know what. People like him make it worth staying on the team. Someone has to have the balls to do the right thing and take a stand against a homophobe. I’m not going to let a bully impose their way of life on me.”
“I didn’t mean Syd, I meant Gentry. Does he think we can’t hear him from over here?”
“Oh.” Zach laughed weakly, “he probably wants us to hear. I don’t even know if he was bullshitting that time, or if he actually meant it.”
“I don’t care what he meant, since he said what he said. You know, homophobia aside, I like Syd better. At least I know where he stands.” Mikey paused to lower his voice, “Gentry changes depending on where he goes. He’ll say or do anything as long as it gives him the upper hand and, actually, I’m a little surprised you didn’t call him out this time.”
Zach shrugged uncomfortably.
“If Syd quits, the team goes to hell. I’m not gonna be the gay who screwed the team. Besides, if this Gay Agenda bullshit keeps that stupid breeder in line, then I won’t say anything.”
“Keeps him in line? Hah, for being such a rebel, you don’t talk like one. That sounded like something a teacher would say—”
Zach frowned.
“If I was a teacher, things would be different. Either way, you’re the head of the GSA. You should have said something, if at all.”
“I didn’t want to say anything, since I know you’re still on his team.”
“Just because I’m on his team doesn’t mean I’m his bitch—” Zach stopped himself, and softly added, “or that you can’t say what you think. I can, if I have to.”
“Right...” Mikey’s voice trailed off, “so. Still rocking that piercing huh?”
“I’m not taking it out.” Zach insisted, rakishly pulling at his swollen lower lip, “It’s a commitment.”
…Well. He needed to commit to something.
“You’re so stubborn. I don’t think you’re supposed to swim with it, either.”
“Yeah, well.”
Zach reached out to unhitch the wire-fence door for Mikey, who slid in.
A few freshmen boys were still slowly but surely clearing out of the pool, casting their best dirty looks towards the two. Freshmen Swim boys were easy enough to incense, but the Seniors just looked the other way (later they would steal things from his locker and pretend he didn’t exist.)
By now, Zach just ignored the lot of them, because he was used to it. He didn’t take it so personally anymore, since he had never needed them or viewed them as friends.
“I’m going to swim with it because I want to.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 18

2008-10-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

Note: Believe it or not, I like Sydney. He's almost like Zach's mirror self...

The door fell shut with a muted thump.
Sydney shuffled uncomfortably. He put his hand on the doorknob, then dropped it down again. The words shifted around his mind, as he turned them over and over again to process each syllable for sincerity. Trying to see if they stuck, and where they fit. But fact was, they didn’t.
They had been nice words, and even had that devout ring to them. And yet, Sydney couldn’t swallow it. He didn’t buy it.
Hells no— he didn’t buy it.

He knew what he’d seen that day.
And he’d seen a faggot.

His gaze fell on Zach, who flipped him the one finger salute, then lewdly licked at the tip. Sydney groaned in disgust, and wondered why anyone would want to get fucked in the ass by that.
Zach raised his eyebrows in a silent dare.
Sydney took a step back.
No… he wouldn’t go for it. That faggot would not get the better of him this time. Gentry was a faggot too, but he was a faggot with a point. So Sydney decided to wait… yes, he’d wait for a better time. This punk would not further his gay agenda without a fight.
So he sneered and opened the locker room, following into the steam.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 17

2008-10-23T23:13:00.000-07:00

Note: Thanks for the comments!! I was super giddy reading them. Better than chocolate!

At times Gentry wondered if Zach enjoyed this. With arms loosely crossed and gaze intently fixed, he reasoned that Mikey couldn’t be all that in bed. As a matter of fact, Gentry recalled having seen him piss once. His dick was average. Respectable, but still average.
But somehow, that wasn’t what bothered him. That wasn’t it.

As he lay perched against the open locker room door, Gentry vaguely registered he was being watched. A quick glance confirmed that, undoubtedly, Sydney was stating at him. Or rather, leering. This reproachful gaze stuck to him like a second skin, beaten heavy with disgust, forged from heated knowledge and its ignorant judgment.
After a few minutes of this, Gentry murmured,

“Do you like watching faggots?”
Sydndey didn’t hesitate to grunt, “You shouldn’t talk.”
“Why?”
“You’re one of them. And If people here had balls, they’d treat you like what you are.”
“And that is?”
“A faggot— don’t deny it.” Sydney grunted under his breath, leaning into his face. Yet he didn’t look him in the eyes as he said it, because a part of him still had a hard time distancing the team leader he respected from this faggot, this horrible faggot. He didn’t know why people didn’t want to accept the truth. Perhaps they couldn’t handle it; maybe they wanted to win Nationals so bad that they’d abandon God and morals and everything they stood for.
But Sydney was not like that, No. He knew damn well that this was a cocksucker, dick-gobbling homosexual, and he wouldn’t hesitate to say so. And it was this conviction which propelled him to raise his head and meet that murky-eyed gaze.
“I’m quitting the team.” He proclaimed, with a bold glare.
Gentry nodded solemnly, then probed heated look in Zach’s direction, “See him over there?”
“I don’t want to look at a fucking queer.”
“You think anyone does?”
Sydney drew into a tense and moody silence, while Gentry continued in a low and steady voice.
“I don’t buy it that a sissy faggot can scare you off, especially from a team you’ve put more than three years of your life into. I know you better than that. I know you’re a hard worker, and that’s what makes this team successful. I won’t ask you any questions if you quit, even though you’re letting us down on Nationals. It’s your call. But then don’t go whining about the fags queering up the team, because that’s what they want. That’s what Zach wants. He’s furthering the gay agenda, and he’s so good at it that he’s giving someone like you cold feet, someone who has worked all this time to be here. You think I want to keep him on? I don’t. But right now, I don’t have a choice.” Gentry paused, and dramatically added, “But you do. If you want to leave this team because of some cock-gobblers, then go. But I’m staying, because I’m not letting some Gay Agenda get in the way of Nationals.”
Sydney cast him a bewildered look.

“But…”
“But what?”
“You’re a faggot—”
“Who told you that?”
“I saw you in the bathroom, you—”
“You didn’t see anything.”
“You were—”
“Nothing happened,” Gentry put his hand on the doorknob, firmly looking him in the eyes as he added, “nothing has and nothing will. If you want to make something out of nothing, I won’t stop you. But if you accuse me one more time of being one of them, I’ll give you a real reason to quit the team.”
That said, he tugged open the door and disappeared into the locker room before Sydney could gather up his thoughts for a reply.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 16

2008-10-21T03:03:00.000-07:00

Mikey waited by the gate, watching as Zach swam back… and forth… back, and forth…
He wondered how it was possible to hit the wall so many times.
Everytime he came close to the blue tiles, bam! Then he would recoil to hastily swim the other way, only to eventually hit the other wall. Mikey wondered how he didn’t get brain damage from hitting the wall so many times. Or who knows, maybe he already had--- it would explain a lot.
In the other lane, Gentry slid by the water with the easy swiftness of a frog, flipping into a turn then pushing off the wall. Even then, only the tips of his toes touched the big blue tiles along the pool wall. This notably slowed him down, but he always caught up, keeping time with Zach, who every so often would take a harsh breath to keep from drowning. Gentry moved less like a human and more like a large fish, gliding through the water without resistance, fin-like arms shooting from the crystalline water then sliding back in. The stroke, Mikey recalled, was called The Butterfly. The Butterfly. Mikey turned it over a few times in his head, then leaned against the chain link fence, wringing his fingers around the netted metal.

When practice came to a close, Gentry heaved his sopping wet body onto the poolside wall, and sat quietly panting with his back hunched over and legs dangling in the water. He noticed Mikey from the corner of his eyes, yet showed no sign of caring. He stared at him like headlights at a deer, waiting for him to leap away.

“Hey, Gentry…” Mikey spoke up from behind the fence, “Mind telling Zach to come here?”
No reply came, though Gentry peered away dismissively. In turn, Mikey sighed, pressing his weight against the chain link fence, counting down the minutes until practice ended.

And the very second it did, Gentry leapt to his feet and shrilly blew into the coach’s whistle.

“Practice is Over. Move out!”

He yelled loudly enough to stir up the freshmen, who stopped splashing water at each other and looked up to listen. A few frightened birds whooshed past him. Mikey raised an eyebrow.

The truth was, he didn’t need to shout. He did it because there was nowhere else he could.
As a matter of fact, the right to yell that was a one of the reasons people vied to be swim team captain. When the coach would sit in the shade yelling orders, no one ever went against him. During practice, there was no excuse for yelling or giving orders to anyone unless you were the coach. If you didn’t like that, then, as he put it, you could “pack your bags and run home.” The swim team captain was a notable exception to this rule, because he had the coach’s shiny metal whistle. And only he and the coach had the right to blow into that whistle, thereby overpowering every and any other sound.

Gentry really liked that. So much so that he blew into it again, just for good measure. It was really the next best thing to a gun, the next best thing to whip people into order. The next best thing to make them look and listen.

“You’re such a showoff,” Mikey thought to himself, as the swimmers began to trudge out of the pool.
One by one they crept onto land; heaving, panting and ambling to the locker room as fast their tired legs could carry them. The Seniors sometimes hit the freshmen with towels or tripped them, and the smarter underclassmen tended to wait until the seniors had cleared out and hit the showers first. That way, they could sneak into the warm showers when no one was looking.

Zach trailed a little behind the others, sorely rubbing his head with a towel. He seemed to be in his own world before Gentry sauntered over and whispered something into his ear.
“He is?” Zach said loudly, “Where?”
Gentry leaned in to whisper something else, and the statement was returned by a shove, and a shove back.
“Hey Mikey.” Zach called out, dragging his feet towards the gate. He looked worn out, but that didn’t dim the odd energy radiating from him, as he leaned against the metal fencepole and grinned boyishly. There was definitely something different about him, Mikey figured. A certain something in his step he hadn’t seen recently.
“Hey, Zach. Hm, you looked great out there.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 15

2008-10-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

Note: Thank you so much for the comments!

Zach rose to his feet, started to pull on his clothes and delicately murmured,

“I only wanted to make you feel good.”

No reply.
There were many things Zach could have said. Countless replies were running through his mind, the many ways he could give him a piece of what he was thinking. They were tempting. Like water to his burning anger, all of them! And he had the balls to say them, fuck yes he did.

But when he glanced over at Gentry, he couldn’t bring himself to. It wasn’t pity, it was something else. Something which made him sore inside, and stopped up up his throat.

There he was, leaning against the table with his fists on the surface and head hanging low. It was hard to look at him. Even harder was knowing what made him get that haunted look on his face, and that getting rid of ghosts wasn’t as easy as using a gun.
But no, he didn’t pity him. Hurt or not, Zach had seen enough of his favorite rival to know what he was capable of, to know that he was far from being anyone’s prey.

Zach dressed quietly, and in a matter of minutes he was prepared to go. Gentry was a tough guy, he’d get over it. Zach put his hand on the doorknob, but then dropped it down again.
“You stopped being a victim a long time ago.” He wanted to tell him, but didn’t.
Instead, he dropped to his knees and slowly crept over to Gentry, gently nudging the side of his leg with his his cheek. He bit his teeth past the burning shame, knowing that, at worst, there would be a good laugh at his expense.

“What the hell are you doing.” Gentry grumbled, not even bothering to look at him.
“Whatever you want.”
“Fuck off.”
“I'm not scared of you."
"You aren't scared of anything."
"I still like you.”At this, Gentry looked down.
Zach grinned back up at him.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 14

2008-10-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

After an uneasy moment, Zach slowly slung his legs over the tableside, and propped himself up on his elbows. Gentry moved back, when Zach suddenly lurched forward and pulled him close. He started kiss him… Once, twice, holding him in place until resistance melted to foggy tolerance, when his breathing settled into slow and heavy panting, and the aching glare of suspiscion in his eyes softened to affection. Zach slid a hand one hand into that silky red hair and then down the nape of his neck, feeling each inch of skin tense, then relax. Down sculpted shoulders, under the hooks of his shoulder blades, over mouthfuls and handfuls of skin. Slowly, carefully, his fingertips trickled down his spine and shoulders, feeling him tense, relax, tense…
And finally, those shineless eyes closed.

Bathed in warmth; there was no other thought in his mind but the affection which poured onto him. His jaw rested on Zach’s shoulder, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart, lips parted for words he would not--- could not--- speak.
It felt good.
His breathing evened out to soft little sighs with the occasional hitch whenever Zach hit a fresh bruise or scar.
It felt so good.
He felt so good.
Heating up inside him, boiling to a fever pitch…
until a caress up his thigh jerked him back.

Without a word he shoved Zach aside, and morosely pulled away. Zach stumbled backwards, but kept his balance— It took more than that to knock him down.
“What the hell!”
“Do that again,” Gentry breathed, breathlessly moving off of the table, “and I’ll beat you ‘til you don’t want it anymore.”
Zach turned away to hide the hurt look on his face, but did not glorify the threat with a response. It didn’t scare him, either way.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 13

2008-10-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

Note: Thanks for the comments! ^_^!

“I don’t want a boyfriend,”
Gentry kissed him, one hand pressing down Zach’s chest as the other unzipped his jeans.
“I want to know why you come here.”
When he pulled away, Zach felt his heart throb wildly, as tiny hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He held his breath as Gentry’s his hands fumbled between thighs, and shoved inside him forcefully enough to make him buck up in pain.
“Fuck---” he groaned, “That hurt!”
“It should. Take it off.” was the ground out order, words hissed just under his breath.
“What’s with you—”
“Take it off.”
Zach cursed under his breath and undid his friendship bracelet, tossing it to the ground and promptly falling back against the table.
“Happy?”
Gentry looked at him and Zach looked back.
He didn’t say a word, just pressed his lips to his skin and breathed in deeply, inhaling the salty-sharp smell that he could never mistake for anyone else’s. His tongue darted out over the expanse of his neck, taking in the familiarly spunky taste of the heated skin. Definitely Zach, all of it.
“Yeah.” He murmured softly. “I’m happy.”
He pulled his fingers out gently, and Zach skeptically glanced up at him. He let a hand ghost his hand over one cheek, lightly cupping it into his palm.
“What happened here?” he asked, and Gentry promptly fired back,
“Don’t ask questions you won’t like the answer to.”
Zach dropped the matter, because it wasn’t like this was the time or place to have a heart to heart. Gentry didn’t go for that kind of shit, anyway.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 12

2008-10-03T18:35:00.000-07:00

Note: The second part of the Wednesday entry (see previous post if this makes no sense.) Thanks for the comments! They always make my week.

Zach lay pressed against the table, baffled to say the least. He didn’t know what to think, so he stayed very calm and gathered more data to reach a given result. In the background, the clock had stopped ticking. And it almost seemed that time was floating rather than flying, especially when those dark eyes stared down at him like the twin barrels of a shotgun. There was a dead silence in the room, save for the constant burring of the air conditioner and the drumbeat of his own heart.

Zach squirmed uncomfortably, yet he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Finally, Gentry pulled away his hand and said, “Are you still going to come here?”
“I don’t know…” Zach exhaled, and weakly quipped, “if we keep beating each other up like this, we may not live to graduate.”

“That’s your answer?”

The dim smile faded from Zach’s lips. He knew this wasn’t a question. Somehow the uneasy realization dawned on him that whatever he said past this point didn’t matter, and this wasn’t funny at all. There was no getting through when the brooding in his eyes was replaced by dark space, when the shark on land would emerge from its murky depths.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say.” Zach replied guardedly, “I don’t even know what you’re getting at. Don’t tell me that now you suddenly want a boyfriend. Is that it?”
He knew the words probably wouldn’t register, since today there was something unnervingly disconnected about him. A dreary tension; something which made him seem far away even when he was close, something which drew him in and drowned everything else out.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 11

2008-10-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

Note: This is actually Wednesday's update. The original entry didn't mesh well as one piece, so I split it. Yet the two parts still need to be read together, if that makes any sense (probably doesn't.) I'm posting them both today!

Gentry caught himself before he stumbled, and cast Zach a vicious look before pummeling him to the desk. Zach flinched, and instinctively raised a hand as a buffer between them. Gentry quickly pinned it against the table.
“Faggot.” he breathed, pulling in close and slapping him again. “What are you trying to pull?”
“I’m not pulling anything.” Zach protested roughly. “But I will if you don’t let me go—”
Gentry pinned down his wrists and replied with a firm, “No.”
In response, Zach kneed him up into the stomach. And in return, Gentry slammed him against the desk hard enough to make his head spin.
“I saw your file today.” Gentry said abruptly, inbetween Zach’s pitched breathing, “You have a C+ in lit.”
“Yeah, I know— they gave back progress reports last wee—”
Gentry cupped his mouth.
“You’ll pass.” He softly ground out, “Congratulations.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 10

2008-09-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

note: Sorry for the lack of regular updates! I needed to work out my new schedule for the quarter (craaaazy.) Updates will now be on the regular days. Thanks for your comments. They mean a lot!

Most days, the only acknowledgment that he wasn’t dreaming was the gnawing in his gut and the ringing in his ears, a constant static in his mind. Grinding away at him like waves at the shore, contaminating his actions by seeping into his thoughts. It had been a long day, and the dusk had already settled. Sunlight filtered through the library window, its fading rays illuminating the dust which floated over the little corner of the room, over Gentry’s hair and cheekbones. He had positioned himself between the walls, tightly pressed between the edges, with arms crossed stiffly over his chest. Nearly motionless.
His damp skin still stung red with weakening arousal, the fever which ebbed from him through measured breaths.

He had been silent. So silent Zach had nearly forgotten he was there, much less noticed he had been watching him intently for the past ten minutes. And when he finally spoke up, Zach couldn’t help by jumped a little.
“Why’d you wear those again?”
“Huh? Wear what?”
“Girl jeans.” Gentry murmured, every so often sucking on the bite Zach had given him. Goddamed faggot. Even when he wasn’t talking, that mouth was trouble.
“Because I can.” Zach replied unthinkingly, as he reached under the table for his friendship bracelet. He knew how that got there.
Gentry cocked his head to watch him. At least the view was nice, he idly thought to himself, as he watched him stand up again and tug the god-damned girl jeans back up over his hips.
“I like you better naked.”
“I know.”
“Did you also know that girl jeans are for girls?”
“Yeah, I did. And did you know that having a penis makes you male?”
“If you keep wearing those tight pants, you’ll be infertile.”
“Huh?”
“You heard me.”
“No, I didn’t. Because you mumble so often that every time you open your mouth, it sounds like your words are having an orgy.”
Gentry snorted in contempt, and didn’t give a retort. This disappointed Zach, who waited for one. So finally, he turned to look at him.
“What?”
“You’re not funny.”
“And you’re grumpy.”
“You make it easy.”
Zach cast him a mock-sour look, sauntered over to his corner, and effeminately slid one hand over his thigh.
“I am funny.” he said keenly, then flashed a boyish grin in response to Gentry’s perpetual surliness, “And if I was such a girl, you wouldn’t be fucking me.”
The answer was a slap to the face and a mumbled order to “Quit being such a faggot.”
Zach shoved him in return and bristled, “Fuck Kylie if you don’t like it!”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 9

2008-09-22T17:15:00.000-07:00

Note: Sorry for the delay, and thanks for the feedback! My internet zonked out.

There had been a time when the smell of his cologne would have made him dizzy, when he couldn’t stand the sensation of fingers on his skin. Days where he couldn’t taste anything but soap and saltwater, nights spent awake and frightened, turning the day over in his head and looking for a sign he’d missed. The mistake he’d made, tensely fearing its repercussions. He hated being touched, hated being kissed, and used to bite anyone who tried. There were days when anything could drown him, anything could hurt. But he wanted it, he craved the friction, wanted to be held close to his father’s heart and know it beat for him.
“That time mom came in, I was almost ten.” He said flatly, “Did you ever forgive yourself?”
“I live with it.”
“What did it feel like?”
“I’m not going to talk about this— I’m your father.”
“It didn’t stop you before.” Gentry spat, then softened his tone, “The first time you stopped it was when she came in. But that time I wanted you to continue; slow and hard like before, because I was close and I knew you wanted it— because that was the closest we ever were.”
“Stop it—”
“I watched you sometimes. Legs open, jacking off so hard my heart jumped to my throat. I was up that night, waiting; and when I heard your footsteps, I was so hard it hurt—”
“I said I’m not going to talk about this!”
“You never did.”
Gentry pulled close to him, so close he cool feel the man’s breath cloud against his face. His hands clawed into Johnson’s shoulders, holding him in place,
“And, you wouldn’t have admitted it if she hadn’t walked in. You would have accused me of dreaming it.”
Johnson took a deep and steady breath, “Let me go… put the past behind you.”
“Don’t tell me you stopped thinking about it; that you ‘put the past’ behind you.” He kept himself from yelling, because a part of him was still frightened that someone would find out. The accusation stayed simmering, low.
“The past is looking at me, and it’s you.”
“Gentry.” Johnson said, sternly, “Listen to me. For your own sake, the past is done with. I’m not that person anymore; I have religion.”
Gentry watched his father’s lips move, until the words regressed to meaningless sounds. It always depressed him how his father continually pretended things were under control, when they never were or had been. He was vulnerable, too. Everyone was. At any moment, any time, the drowning would happen. Any moment.
“Sophia has forgiven me. We can make a fresh start—”
Gentry shoved his tongue between the old man’s lips. He inhaled his fear, tasted his resentment from the way he tensed, then loosened. He wasn’t sure about what he hoped to gain from this, wasn’t sure why he did it, wasn’t sure what he was doing here at all.
He felt his father’s hand slide down his shoulder, and he quickly pinned it down as he pulled away from him.
“Tell this to your Church.” He spat as he shoved him away. “Tell them you like it--- how the only thing you regret is losing control!"
“Enough! That’s enough.” His father’s voice ended in a hushed declaration. “Stop this.”
Johnson scrambled back to his feet, and wiped the kiss from his lips with the back of his hand. “People can hear. You’re my son, and I’m your father. It’s not your place.”
“I won’t let you tell me what I am or what my place is. You never put me my place, and you’ve kicked me out of yours. So don’t tell me about my place, and don’t you compare what I have with Zach to what you did with me.”
Gentry glanced him straight in the eye and sat back down. He didn’t speak another word.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 8

2008-09-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

“I’m your father.” Mr. Johnson stressed each word, speaking as though his voice could breathe life into the letters. “And you’re my son, don’t you forget it. Your place is with the family, we’re the only ones who have ever cared for you. You’re my flesh and blood, do you think I like seeing you hurt? Do you think Sophia didn’t ever do anything if she didn’t think it was for your own good? Other people start looking into other peoples’ business to distract from their own problems. There’s nothing anyone else will do for you; you only have yourself and your family to count on. No matter how much you think I hurt you, there is always one person who wants to hurt you more. You still have a place in our family— if you call me a monster, just remember that I’m also inside of you. I’m still part of you!”
When he finished, his chest was heaving again and his dark eyes were wild with the fury that beat in him like a second heart. It was rare when it came, but when it did, it drowned out all reason and pulsed blood into his thoughts. It was impossible to get through to that, there it was, that drowning.
You couldn’t fight it anymore than you could fight the tides, and once it took hold, it would knock the breath your lungs and clear all thoughts from your mind. You would lose control, you could lose everything in that one moment.

Each stared at the other, with the silent dare to contiue or to reply. It was Gentry’s turn to speak, Gentry’s turn to say something. Yet instead, he kept silent, as he had so many times in the past. Johnson grunted oldly, and turned away.

Sometimes he wondered why Gentry taunted him, yet never told. If it was still fear, or something else. If he burned himself for release, or for practice. He wondered if Gentry was hurt or if he just liked to hurt him… and if both, where one ended and the other began. As a man who relied on order, Johnson would later ask himself what it was that motivated him to step forward; and come towards someone who was all at once in danger and dangerous, perpetrator and victim, everything and nothing to him.

He tersely looked down at his his son, over the sour face and dark eyes, taking in the little details which made him his own. A curve of the lips, a weak chin. The body of hate he had brought into existence, which would eventually be the death of him. What an impressive piece of work.
He raised a hand to gently smooth over the stinging red cheek. There was no reaction or acknowledgment, but he wasn’t searching for it either. A hair was out of place, so he smoothed it down. Abruptly, Gentry slapped his hand away.

“Do you still go to Church?” he asked him, quietly.

“Of course.” Johnson replied warily, rubbing his hand. “Although, not for the reason you might think.”
“What should I think?”
“I don’t know the answer to that, Gentry. Only you know what you’re thinking. I can only hope you understand, that I don’t hate you for the way you’re born. Neither does Sophia; Your mother and I both care about you. Church is my therapy, I don’t expect it to be yours. But, you need to get help—”
“The kind of help I need doesn’t involve choir boys.”
“I will ignore that, Gentry, because you say these things out of anger. You can’t help it. I just pray that you’ll eventually be at peace with yourself.”
“I’ll be at peace when I’m dead.”
“You’ll find peace when you regain control.”
“And you did?”
“Yes, I did.”
“So." Gentry sunk into the chair, slouching with his fists crossed over his stomach, "That means that before, you were out of control?”
Johnson frowned, uneasily watching his son from the corner of his eyes.
“Where is this going, Gentry? What are you implying?”
“You talk a lot. Can you listen?”
When he glanced in those dark amber depths, he couldn’t find a sign. There was nothing wrong, but there was nothing right either. He didn’t like this tone, but couldn’t refuse such a gentle request.
“Depends on what you plan to say.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 7

2008-09-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

Note: This scene between Gentry and his father has four parts. This is the second one. The last one will be posted on Friday (they're short.) These scenes were hellish to write! The type-o's have also been eliminated.

Circles. Everything seemed to go in circles. Thoughts, visions, motives. Sons became fathers, fathers died, the world still spun around its orbit.
Things did not change.
Everything moved in circles. Smooth, round, circle. It was supposed to be endless, with no start and no end. Yet when you walked in one, you had to have started somewhere, at some point. For Gentry, this point was birth. Somewhere, on the other side and the hazy future, was death. Yet since Gentry lacked direction, he was never sure which way he was going.

He liked line segments better, because there was a start and an end. Birth, death. If you weren’t one, you were the other. Fantasy, reality. When you were dreaming, it wasn’t real. It was always one or the other. Yet it was never that simple, since circles were more complicated.

Some things could not be explained. This was why, sometimes, he had nothing to say.

Now it stood before him, as it did so many times before, holding its grave silence and dark gaze. Eyes firmly fixed forward. Gentry always saw him in fragmented pieces, and whenever he tried to picture him as a whole, no face formed. He found he could do it when he didn't try so hard, when he was half-asleep. Yet even then, something was always missing, or he was out of focus; a walking blur of a man. At times Gentry doubted it was real, and wasn’t sure if he’d dreamt all of it. Some days, he wasn’t sure if he was looking at his father or staring down a bizarre figment of his imagination.

The quiet lingered in the room like an unearthly presence, held by both but fathered by none, and ultimately destroyed by the sharp pain of a hand slapping against his face.
“When was the last time you saw it?”
“Don’t know.” Gentry inhaled sharply.
Another slap hit his face, but this one was more decisive. Although he recoiled, Gentry didn’t feel it the way he had the first one. The skin had already thickened itself. And now Johnson was now red in the face, panting quietly through urgent gasps of air, almost wheezing them past his dry lips.
“Where is it? Don’t play your games with me.”
“Carly has it. He threatens me with it. That’s it.”
“Is that all?”
“Yes.”
Johnson groaned softly, but resisted the urge to clutch his chest. He pulled away and staggered back to his desk, leaning over it grimly. The blood quickly drained from his face, returning it to its original dimness as the wheezing subsided.
“How’s your situation working out for you?” Johnson asked him casually, although his voice was strained. “If you need money, let me know.”
“That goldfish is dying.”
“What?”
“You shouldn’t keep a goldfish in a bowl.”
Johnson leered at his son’s hand, up the lenth of his arm.
“You care about a goldfish? You can hardly take care of yourself, much less an animal.”
He then fell silent, hatefully leering at the swollen red burns which mottled Gentry’s skin.
Gentry noticed him watching, and looked back at him in the same way.

“You have no right to be like this.” Johnson scolded him. “It’s not your place— Stop looking at me like I’m the freak. I’m not a monster.”

“You know what you are.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 6

2008-09-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

Mr. Lee Johnson kept many secrets. One was that he never stepped on the tile next to the trash can, especially the one near the front on the office. Not only was it inappropriate for officials to associate themselves with garbage, but it was embarrassing to admit that he held his breath if he even came within the vicinity of it, fearing something worse would be set into motion if he didn’t. Another secret was that few things bothered him more than the sound of slamming doors, which was why he always gently leaned his own shut upon entering the office. He would lean the blank blue wood into the steel doorframe, then turn the doorknob to mute the soft click. Perhaps Gentry wouldn’t have noticed him if it weren’t for the sound of alligator shoes on the carpet. Or perhaps he would, since it was unusual to use that door when he always used the one on the other side of the building. And in fact, it was unusual for him to leave his office at all.

But the truth was, Gentry hadn’t heard him; he’d felt him enter. It was in the chill that gripped hold, the cold which trickled down his spine in that old familiar way. The familiar pounding in his gut, the static in his ears. Drowning, it was like drowning when the breathlessness pulled him under, to where it was so dark and cold that nothing else existed but the wild beating of his heart.
It wasn’t the first time or last time he had faced his fears.

“That boy, Zach Tyler, is something else.” He heard his father say absently, forcing a breath past his lips. Johnson watched him swig down a sip of water for a brief moment, then turned his back to take the moment in his day where he always surveyed his desk; just to make sure everything was still in its place. That the pens were separated from the pencils, that the dust had stayed away from the carefully polished wood. That the square picture of his family was exactly in the left corner, turned so that the edge of the table would form a equilateral triangle. Nothing ever changed, and he made sure of that.

“It’s wrong what you’re doing with him.” He said without facing him, still surveying the bleak landscape that was his little office space. Twelve years of legal education amounted to this little space, to this crumb of power. Checking his desk had become more of a habit rather than necessity: he was used to checking that things were in check. That there was a place for everything and everything in his place— that was how things needed to be. Logical, organized, simple.
Yet opposites attracted, and he often wondered how it could be that the more he tried to control chaos, the more it controlled him. His gaze lingered on his Gentry now, frowning in wait for a reply. But he knew none was coming, it was just that the gesture was important if you pursued the intent of a conversation. Lecturing didn’t work.

“You’re pulling him into your mess.” He went on, while straightening his tie and jacket, “You’ll hurt him, it’s only a matter of time. I don’t know what you’re thinking. Perhaps, that he can take care of himself. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
As predicted, no reply. Yet he knew that Gentry was listening, because he had stopped drawing circles, and simply sat staring limply at the sheet, pretending to think about anything but this.
“He might be in high school, but he’s still wet behind the ears, and likes to think he can have his way and change things. That somehow, he’s special; and that if he waits around long enough you’ll change. You should have seen the show he made of not going to the rally. Listen to me when I tell you this: If you care about him, you’ll leave and let him live a normal life.”
Gentry exhaled forcefully, then took another gulp of water. The tips of his ears were reddened, something he couldn’t hide. It was getting to him. The goldfish on top of the file cabinet swam in circles within its tiny bowl.
“So, which sob story did you tell him?”
“He isn’t with me because he feels sorry for me.” Gentry finally replied, then fell silent again.
Johnson’s eyes narrowed to slits when he smiled skeptically. Taking in the naiveté of the statement, and wondering if any of it was genuine.
“Aw, come now.” He said coarsely, “He’s a hormonal kid who’s discovered someone who knows how to give head. And he stays around because no one else pays that much attention to him.”
He went on, grinding out each word like stones against pavement. It took control to be like this... Firm, precise. The goldfish swam in circles.
“People don’t talk to him, they talk about him. And it’s always negative. No one really likes him, but he thinks you do. Yet, you’re really just bored, aren’t you?”
Gentry watched the goldfish, the fluorescent office light glinting off its silver back. It swam in circles, never once veering off its invisible path. He glanced away again, and took another swig of water, wondering if it ever viewed itself as a shark.
“You know; Gentry. This morning he made a scene about not going to the rally. He stayed in the cafeteria as everyone left, and I could tell from the look of him that he wouldn’t give in. So I thought what you would do, and didn’t make him. That’s your way of showing affection, right? You give him favors, like excusing that incident in the pool. But he doesn’t respond to me the way he does to you. Instead he gives me this mean, nervous look…like he knew something and couldn’t say it.”
Gentry was back to scribbling circles again. Neat, precise, circles. He knew he did that only to make him angry, to show him that he wasn’t worth listening to. That any mundane task could hold his attention more effectively.
“Does he know?” he asked him; and after a thoughtful pause, Gentry glanced up to reply:
“Know what?”
“Don’t play games with me.”
“Games are supposed to be fun.” Gentry thought to himself, but instead kept silent and shrugged stupidly.
“He doesn’t know anything.”
And then his head fell down limply, fingers back at drawing circles. Mr. Lee drew a deep breath. This was grinding down his patience, but he wasn’t about to show it. It would be another secret.
“I know well enough to understand that I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, and I’m not about to try.” his eyes grew cloudy, and his voice quieted down to a murmur, “I also know one of my pictures is missing... Does Carly still have it?”
“Ask him.”

Johnson waited a moment before he prod against the table and leaned his weight over it, pressing his palms flat on the maple wood surface.
“I’m asking you. It’s in both of our interest to protect the family, if that means anything to you.”

His breathing grew heavy, labored by heart pains. He had been sick for a while now, and Gentry smelled the gradual death on him. There was no use in doing anything now. Johnson’s face flushed with anger he couldn’t hide, the inevitable nature which defined him, the feelings which all too often raced ahead of his thoughts. The goldfish swam in circles.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 5

2008-09-11T17:04:00.000-07:00

As he left, Mr.Johnson threw a crumpled piece of paper into the trash. But he didn't approach the trash to do so, he threw it from a distance and didn't see it dunk in. The paper had blown onto the cafeteria tiles, muddied and stomped on by the herds of students leaving the building. If he had opened it, he would have seen an impressively detailed rendering of a fish, eighteen smooth-lined circles, and the following dialogue:

you ever afraid of the dark?
not telling
just tell me.
Why do you want to know?
Because.
Sometimes. But only if it’s too quiet.
I can help.
You know a way to magically scare the monsters away?
I can tell you. Wanna know?
Just tell me already.
Masturbate.
???????

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 4

2008-09-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

Note: THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS :)! I got carried away and misnumbered one chapter. I didn't just make a huge update, I just pulled two chapters out of the original "Chapter 17." I write chapter headlines for myself. But then I ignore them >.>. This post is a flashback (a few hours back) from the previous one, like rewinding a tape.

Earlier that day, there had been a rally in the gym.
Whenever there was a rally in the gym, they closed down the classrooms and all rooms except for bathrooms in hopes of boosting attendance. No matter what the weather, this did not work on Zach. Not even today, when it was a frigid 56 degrees out and frost powdered the lawn. This was because Zach was a force of nature in and of himself, and even the weather could not make him do something he was not convinced of. Public high school had not only disenchanted him from day one, but left him philosophically pondering what the point was of cheering for an institution which tormented you. There was a word for that.
MASCOCHISM.
“At least when you sit in the cold, you don’t have to cheer for it,” Zach thought to himself, ducking into the open door. It was easy to be logical when he factored Gentry (and feelings!) out of the equation. Though somehow, he (and feelings) always snuck back in and messed things up.

Since the janitor had mistakenly left the cafeteria open (or perhaps he did it out of sympathy), rally refugees flooded the linoleum-tiled premises, crowding around the blue metal lunch tables. Soon Ms.Nasty would come by to tell them the cafeteria was closing and that they MUST attend the rally. She threatened them as if it were the holy word of God, waving around her clipboard with a crazed zeal. But all of the five people familiar with school rules knew that it was not mandatory at all.
But they also knew it was useless to argue, since a noisy gym was preferable to sitting outside in the cold.
Zach shoved his way through the crowd and trudged to a solitary lunch table, contemplating whether or pull a sit-in. His eyes raised in disbelief when Mikey pulled out a seat and joined him.
“Hey.”
“You going to the Senior rally?” Zach asked promptly, to which Mikey replied,
“Yeah, you?”
“Fuck no. I’ve only attended one rally here. My first, and my last.”
Mikey chortled, “You’re such a rebel.”
“Did you know that they censor rallies? I think that’s stupid. They’re supposed to represent students and the school, but they’re really made for just the school and parents. The students organize the damn thing, but the school tells them what they can’t do until it’s basically just the school’s production, with students as the shift workers. That’s why we have such lame rally themes. You know what the theme is this time? Smurfs. They don’t let students pick out any themes because they’re so damn worried what the parents will think.”
“Well, the parents are paying the taxes.” Said Mikey, before curtly changing the subject, “What’s wrong with your lower lip? It looks swollen.”
“Infection.”
Mikey cocked his head, “You might want to try taking out the piercing…”
“No.”
Mikey raised both his eyebrows, then sighed and sat down opposite him, “I noticed you’ve been sitting alone lately.”
“You have amazing observational skills.”
“Yeah, well.” Mikey grinned, “I could watch your cute face all day. And have.”
Zach scoffed, “What are you, Santa?”
At this, Mikey pulled back.
“Well. I’m gonna go grab a seat at the rally. Bye, Zach.”
“Bye.”
As he walked out Mrs.Nasty walked in. But before she could say anything, another man proceeded in front of her, ambling right past the aisles of tables. They exchanged a few words, after which she curtly said something into her walkie talkie and left. The man stayed behind with his hands dug into his black trench coat and clenched jaw extended forward past a leathery neck. His black eyes sparked up, and he yelled out,
“All right everyone! Listen up. There is a rally going on Right Now in the gym. Attendance is mandatory!”
Zach stayed in his seat. The new trend he’d observed was that school officials monitored the grounds during rallies. Clusters of them would be camped out in locations where students were known to linger, standing there with their sunglasses and walkie talkies, arms crossed and mouths drawn out in pensive frowns. Their presence alone forced students to relocate, or risk being badgered about how “rally attendance was mandatory” or WHY they didn’t attend the rally. Other areas of campus were marked as “off limits”, restricting movement to the bathroom areas.
Despite all this, Zach did not budge. He was from Haapsalu , Estonia , where the weather was colder and the people were tougher. Damn, and how he missed Estonia …
“Excuse me. But rally attendance is mandatory.” The clipped drawl catapulted him from his beloved motherland, and he found himself staring back into twin pools of black space.
For a while he could have sworn they were Gentry’s, but this was actually Mr.Lee Johnson. Zach gawked back at him, finding it tremendously creepy to know what he knew about him. Those eyes were as dark as the drawer where he kept that picture…
“No; it’s not.”
Johnson raised his eyebrows as if he was going to loudly reprimand him, yet instead said quietly,
“I’m not going to stand here and argue with you. Now please, go to the rally.”
“It’s not mandatory, so I’m not going. This school doesn’t go out of its way to support me, so I’m not supporting it.”
“You must be Zach.”
Zach grinned uneasily. Inside, his heart was pounding and the tiny hairs at the back of his neck were standing up. The way that man was looking at him, smugly knowing…
“Well, Zach. I’m not going to write you up. Though don’t you think you’re missing out?”
“No.”
“Well, see you then.” He turned around and headed for the door, adding, “I’ll let you stay here… it’ll be our secret.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 3

2008-09-05T03:44:00.000-07:00

Some people could say they were seduced.
Zach was not one of those people.
The librarian typically clocked out around one, and relied on the janitor to close up the library. Technically, school rules stated that she had to stay until 4:00. But no one ever went into the library at four. Not even the janitor, who arrived at 6:30 to lock the door.

Zach’s shirt fell on an empty chair.

He would wait for him sometimes. Arriving early and eager, pressed up against the desk with an uneasy look on his face, and a hard dick in his pants. He usually made the first move. A kiss, a lingering touch, a heated embrace— wanting to hold him close despite the guilt that fluttered in his stomach and pounded at his gut.
If he were more naïve, he would have fanaticized about dumping Mikey and taking Gentry as his boyfriend; but knowing Gentry, the very idea was ridiculous. You didn’t keep people like Gentry around as boyfriends. Hell, you didn’t expect relationships from them— Zach fell for him, that was that. You couldn’t choose to fall. Yet just because you loved someone didn’t mean that a relationship would work.

Gentry’s shirt followed, yet he didn’t wait to see it land--- instead he firmly pulled Zach against his chest and kissed him deeply, sliding a hand into his dark hair.
Then, he paused.
“I told you not to wear hairgel.”
“If I don’t wear hairgel,” Zach replied breathlessly, breaking the kiss, “my hair will have no shape.”
“If you wear hairgel, it feels like plastic.” Came the unenthusiastically murmured reply.
“Do I style my hair just so that you can run your fingers through it?”
Gentry exhaled and turned Zach around, shoving him front-first against the table.
“No more talking.” He pinned one hand behind Zach’s back, and softly sucked on the area between the neck and shoulder. When Zach mewled, Gentry’s heart skipped a beat and he kissed him on the lips.
“Oww…”
Gentry groaned as he pulled away.
“Sorry… the piercing....”
He calmly cupped the side of Zach’s face and looked it over.
“It’s swollen. Shit. Take it out before it gets infected.”
“Taking it out defeats the point of putting it in.”
Gentry rolled his eyes and undid Zach’s fly, sliding a hand into his boxers.
“Crap, wait.” Zach pulled away, “These are my nice boxers.”
The redhead stood there, tired-eyed and unamused.
“Nice boxers? They look like your other boxers.”
“Yes, but they cost more. I forgot to wear the other kind… shit.”
“It’s nice to know you save the cheap boxers for me.”
“No, that isn’t it.” Zach drawled, “These are cotton. They soak in the smell, so I don’t wear them when we, you know.”
“You can predict when we…”
“No, but there’s always the probability…” an awkward pause, “…when you’re around. You know what I mean.”
Gentry looked to him with helpless exasperation.
“…What is the point of buying boxers you’re just---”
“You use them if you want to make an impression. They have better form.”
“How many people do you have to impress?” murmured Gentry, moving up behind him to kiss the back of his neck, “Me, your so-called boyfriend…”
Zach sighed, as Gentry’s hand traced down his stomach, and one finger dug into the waistline of his boxers to pull them down.
“…” Gentry paused suddenly, “This is new.”
“Don’t---ow.”
“What? Did I hurt you?”
“No... Just don’t touch that area.”
Gentry slid one arm under Zach’s right leg and eased it onto the table, then whispered in his ear, “Next time, wait until you actually have something to shave…”
“Hah, hah. Very funny.”
Gentry, who was never one to let off, nipped at his earlobe and whispered, “You’re becoming such a faggot.”
“Faggot?” Zach spat as Gentry positioned himself between his thighs, “You’re gay. Do I really need to point that out?”
Gentry cupped his mouth again, taking care to curve his palm so it wouldn’t hit the sore piercing.
“…No. But if you get a lisp, I won’t fuck you anymore.”
Zach bit him, which resulted in Gentry forcibly shoving him down against the table.
“No… biting.” he breathed in his ear, holding him down and pinning one arm behind his back.

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 2

2008-09-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

The flash went off, and Zach blinked the light from his eyes. Mikey eyed the picture of them close together, then said, “Again.”
Zach sighed and kissed him on the cheek, holding it in place while Mikey shot a second picture.
“Better?” he asked quietly, as he drew away.
Mikey stalled. He turned over the camera, leaned in, zoomed out, cocked his head then nodded curtly.
“Yeah. I’ll put this one on my blog.”
“All right.”
These days, Zach didn’t talk much to Mikey. But they still held hands, and once in a while he would even attend a GSA fundraiser. Logically enough, he deduced that Mikey was the good guy and victim here. What to do about it… well, he wasn’t sure. That gnawing in his gut told him to like him, to feel sorry for him. But fact was, he didn’t. And that made no sense, but yeah, that wasn’t the first thing in his life that didn’t make sense.
“You know,” Mikey murmured, still eying his camera display, “Kylie’s taking Gentry to the prom.”
Zach raised his eyebrows, and point-blankly asked,“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Gentry agreed to that?” he couldn’t help but snigger at the thought of it, although Mikey remained dead serious.
“Apparently.” He replied, as he briefly glanced up.
“Hey Mikey!” Casey called out, cruised between them. Kylie was at his heels, texting on her cellphone. She seemed as intent on ignoring Zach as Zach was on ignoring her. So perhaps Zach slept with Gentry, but that didn’t mean Gentry was gay. Maybe he was just curious or something, and Zach wasn’t so ugly (even though he wasn’t that hot, either.)
Zach had nothing to say to them, so he remained quiet. Mikey grinned, and just then put his arm around Zach’s shoulders.
“I didn’t see Zach at the GSA fundraiser last time. Hey Zach, why didn’t you show? You should have.”
Zach leered at him ripely, but Casey didn’t wait for a reply and simply lisped on, “Oh my God. Mikey, I just realized something. I don’t know if you’re planning on running for the Valedictorian or not. Are you? I mean, technically, you have enough credits to graduate early.”
“I am. Because yeah, I do.”
“Well, if you graduate the same year as I do, then Kylie will have to run the GSA.”
Mikey stalled, his lips gaping and eyes frozen.
“… oh.”
Casey laughed, “Yeahhh.”
Zach felt a pang of annoyance. Kylie as GSA President? Why didn’t he see that coming. Well, they'd earned it. Hah! She barely attended any of the meetings, she never ran a club, she didn't even hang up a single poster. That club was going down! Well, this was not a good thing. And it wasn’t the second time something in his life that didn’t make sense… but this time he was as angry about it as he was pleased.
“Mikey, I know you felt passionate about the GSA and all…” said Casey with a lengthy drawl, “but fact is, you’ll have to choose what’s more important. Graduating early, or sticking with the GSA.”
“I already sent out my college applications.” Mikey said in a softly, discreetly, “Why can’t Kylie take over?”
Casey, Mikey, and Zach stared at Kylie, who was now absent-mindedly chattering away on her cellphone a few feet away. Zach glared at Casey with a knowing “what were you thinking” look, which went unnoticed.
Mikey abruptly said, “Ok. Well, then I’ll just see if I win Valedictorian first. And then, depending on my college transcripts, I’ll decide if staying is worth it.”
“What about the club? Don’t you care about what happens to the gays here?” asked Zach, just a little meanly.
“Hm. Well, Zach, you’ll still be here… maybe you could stick around and show Kylie some— maybe we can promote you to secretary?”
“I don’t have the time.” Said Zach, flatly, “The club got along fine without me so far. Kylie won the position, and I’m sure that someone as capable as Kylie has no need for me.”
Mikey breathed a heavy sigh.
“Look, Casey. Zach. I care about gay rights. I’m going to fight for them in college, too. You know… I didn’t think about this. Didn’t we have someone else? What about Felix?”
Casey remained silent, so Mikey finally said,
“I’ll just wait to see if I got into Yale. If not, I’ll stay.”
Casey grinned, “Yeah, though something you might want to keep in mind— If you said you were head of the GSA in your college app, then you technically cheated.”

Because You Suck: Chapter 19: Part 1

2008-09-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

Note: Thanks so much for the feedback!! :) I was very, very surprised... and excited!

“It is wrong to cheat.”
Gentry slouched in his seat, legs spread wide and fists on his stomach as he glanced over at Zach, who was apathetically hunched over his table. He jabbed him in the ribs with his pencil, at which Zach gave him a tired look and two raised eyebrows.
Every year the Principal gave all third period classes a presentation on cheating and gun control.
“Cheating gets you in big trouble,” he emphasized, folding his arms to show that this was a very serious point. His shirt was so starched it seemed to crinkle when he moved, neatly wrinkling under pressure. His somber creased brown pants fell loosely over his legs, but were far from baggy. He was proud that he had never had to iron them, because he always folded them when he came home. Folded them like new. Eventually he hoped to learn how to fold them like they did in the stores. Flawless.
“One time there was a girl, a Senior, who had made it into an Ivy League school. Her future looked very promising; until she cheated on an extra-credit assignment. Since the rubric said cheaters automatically get an F, she failed the course and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Her Ivy League school dropped her as a result of her Senior Transcript, and she spent a week crying in my office. So; do not cheat.”
Zach looked up from the penis he had been crudely sketching on his binder.
“Now. I would also like to cover the zero tolerance policy… no guns, no knives, nothing on that list you have all received. And as for knives, there was once a girl who brought a butterknife to school, and that was marked up onto her permanent record. So absolutely no knives, and definitely no guns.”
Zach raised his hand, and The Principal did his best to ignore it. But Zach ignored that he was being ignored, and asked,
“What about authority? Can’t authority be abused as a weapon?”
“Don’t talk back.”
Gentry eyed Zach’s penis drawing, then leaned over and wrote “BANG” over the tip.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 16

2008-08-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

Thank you for the reviews! They absolutely made my week :)! If you wrote anything, I want to R&R it! I'll be lurking on Inkspill to pester you for updates (it's been a while since Cutter ended!)

Drama usually started out of boredom.
Few people were more bored than Kylie.
She sat listlessly on the bleachers by the pool, eyes bulging, one hand in her stick-straight hair, bottom lip pushed out and upper lip sucked in.
Any moment now.
This was the big day. Everyone in the locker room knew it would happen, except perhaps two people. No one ever told Zach anything, and Gentry didn’t need to know yet. Around this time Sydney or Mike or one of the guys probably found an excuse to usher him out…
Kylie hunched over her knees, a grin spreading over her bubble-gum lips.
Any moment…
When Gentry emerged, she beelined to him and chirped, “There you are! I was waiting for you.”
“Then you wasted your time.” Gentry dropped off the bag of waterweights he’d been carrying, and headed back to the locker room. Kylie blocked the door by letting herself fall against it, eying him up from underneath her heavily shadowed eyelids.
“You haven’t even heard what I wanted to say. ” she squeaked past a mousy grin, flipping her stick-straight hair over her ear. “Are you going to the prom with me, or what?”
“Why?”
“Why not?” she exhaled deeply, “I was on the committee, and I have one extra ticket…”
Gentry stared at her, focusing on the stale grimace of a smile and the squinted brown eyes. He let the seconds slip by, watching her pupils grow smaller and smaller while her adgitation grew larger and larger. She waited with barely parted lips and stiff fingers, unconsciously grinding her heel into the cement. Watching. Waiting. Perfume wafted through the air, one spray too strong, singing the senses rather than enticed them; thick as the concleaer that was buttered over her freckles. Flushed red fingers gripped at her bony arms, and her expression feigned an indifference that was too cool for school. Yet her heart was probably pounding in her chest, awakened by the realization that he was The One. The man to hold her tight, the warrior to lift her in the air and sweep her off her feet with his predatory elegance. How could she be a prom princess without the perfect prince? The realization hit her that might not only be turned down--- but that she would be a prom leftover. Her feelings hung on his answer. An answer he could care less about. An answer that held within its careless grasp her dreams of style and popularity.
Gentry felt downright giddy!
She looked like she was going to ask him again, but probably wouldn’t. It wasn’t fashionable to. So she waited in stunned silence, watching for a reply or a sign other than that mind-numbing blankless in his features. Had they always been so empty?
Gradually, he sauntered to the locker room door and propped it open. The anxiety reaked beneath her perfume, and he responded by letting the silence surround them from all sides, rising with the dusk and stretching hours to minutes. Until time stopped.
“Well?” she squeaked out.
“I’ll go.” He said, before slamming the door in her face.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 16

2008-08-25T01:45:00.000-07:00

Zach frowned and stormed past the others in the locker room, brushing past Gentry.

Gentry didn’t give him a second look. He brushed past, gliding forward with no expression on his face, no thought in his mind, no feeling underneath it all. Easy like the sun on the sea, and it made Zach hot with an all too familiar anger. In this kind of water, Gentry swam like one of the sharks; and it was so effortless that he probably didn’t even notice he was doing it. It was just something his body did, a second nature. His eyes would grow firm and distant, simmering down to dark nothing. The movements of his body became rigid and firm— head high, chest out, shoulders back. There would be a grating lead-heavy undertone in his voice, and just enough expression in his face to keep questions at bay.

Zach was amazed how fast he could adapt, sickly watching the change kick in— from the moment they set foot outside the library, just before they parted ways for practice. Had that always been there? Yeah.

“Hey, Zach.”
“Yeah?”
“Congrats on getting your time up. Just shave off thirty seconds for your backstroke, and you’ll be in good shape for Nationals.”
Zach gave him an odd look, shook his head slowly and turned his back. If no words needed to be exchanged, then none were. Here they rarely communicated beyond grunts and sneers; avoiding eye contact because Zach knew he would hate what he’d see leering back at him.

But this cold-blooded calm was a part of Gentry—not a split personality or even a contradiction. It was not as simple as a flaw or as complex as an alter-ego; it wasn’t even evil, it just was. A part of the whole, nothing more nothing less.

That part of him which moved through the locker rooms with predatory grace.

And every time he thundered through the double doors, the team would, for at least one moment, cast aside their suspicions. Because in these waters, no one was consistently faster, tougher, or more needed than Gentry Lee Johnson. No one was colder, no one was tougher— no one else could swim The Gauntlet. Not the way he did.
No one.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 15

2008-08-21T02:21:00.000-07:00

The Library was a jungle, a wild fortress of books isolated from the blue-brick enclaves of Kennedy High. It was an island of quiet amidst the school, far from civilized rumors and pestering questions. There were all these silent corners, hidden from cement and walls people constructed around themselves.
But it wasn’t so much a physical place as an emotional place, a shore where no one could find him and he could be alone.
If he chose to be.
He let Zach into where he could perch aside and quietly watch him. Admire him. Love him, whether Mikey liked it or not. And he did love him; it was one thing he was certain of.
But the moment they were back in the locker room that place was far and gone, and they were far apart as the sun and the the sea. There was no other way— either you swam with the sharks or you drowned. Or, in Zach’s case, you were an unusually large piece of driftwood. Yes, driftwood.
Caught in the tumultuous ocean, tossed around in the tides, held down the breathless, heavy anxiety which tugged at his thoughts and weighed down his footsteps, making it hard to breathe every time the bell rang. It was this feeling which threatened to drown him, and weighed down on his mind whenever he packed up his books at the end of tutoring. It was the fear of leaving, of returning to the world outside. There was no way to justify his actions.
Not to them. Not to himself.
Which was why most days, it was like swimming against the current; and although Zach was no stranger to that, he had never swam against his own stream of beliefs. And there was no orientation if you didn’t know your position; when he loved Gentry and hated cheating, when he wanted change yet craved the familiar touch. His body said one thing, his mind said another, and most days Gentry didn’t say anything at all. Zach wasn’t used to thinking in any other way but the rational one; yet it was hard to be rational around Gentry. What was right always seemed to be what felt wrong, and what felt wrong seemed so right…
He felt like a stranger in his own skin, a hypocrite. How could you find yourself if you didn’t know where you stood? He didn’t know anything. Just that it was all wrong. That it all felt right. And that it all bore down on him, because it did not compute.

So he let his feelings run with the tides, only to have to reign them in and shackle them down around Mikey. But it was like trying to hide the sun, and every so often it would shine through a smile or a spark in his eyes, when his thoughts would wander…
Yet the rational part woke him up whenever the daydreams came down too hard, coolly reminding him that feelings weren’t everything. Feelings were like the weather, fickle as the sunshine.

And that feelings shouldn’t cause you to lose yourself...

Zach frowned and stormed past the others in the locker room, brushing past Gentry.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 14

2008-08-18T00:16:00.000-07:00

Gentry would never admit that what he liked more than anything at that moment was watching Zach scramble out of the room. He had already known this would happen, and that it was only a matter of time. But he didn’t tell Zach that, because that would jinx a good thing: the moment Zach wanted to fight something, he would. So it was better to pretend things happened by accident— a glitch in a the system.
But boy, did he come back his senses quickly. Well, of course. This was Zach. And it was cute, the way he pulled up his pants, ran to the door, ran back because he forgotten his book…
Gentry mutely held it up to remind him, and Zach swiped it away before bounding out the door.
He was fast, all right. Fast fast fast, scurry scurry scurry. Gentry caught up with him down the hall, and bluntly asked him,
“What are you hurrying for? Is your boyfriend coming back?”
Zach took a labored breath but didn’t look at him when he said,
“No.”
“Then why are you hurrying?”
“Why shouldn’t I! I’m not going to— stick around and cuddle or… fuck, I can’t believe you’re even asking.” Zach spat exhasperatedly, trying to walk faster in hopes of leaving him in the dust.
“Why not?”
“You know what we did was wrong.”
“Why?”
“You’re not my boyfriend.”
“Of course I’m not. I don’t want to be your boyfriend.”
“Oh, yeah?” Zach grumbled, shoving open the door only for Gentry to prop against the doorway.
“Yeah. I’d rather be the guy you cheat with.”
Zach grunted and shoved him aside.
“You— fuck it. Just—” he exhaled, “Take another route to the gym. If you don’t want people getting suspicious.”
Gentry stayed behind and watched Zach leave, a little smirk lifting the edges of his mouth. Damp hands locked around his arms, body pressed up against the librarian’s deserted counter; wondering, truly wondering, why Zach made such a fuss over it. It wasn’t a big deal. Boyfriend was a label, it didn’t mean anything unless you wanted it to. And he had meant it; he didn’t want to be Zach’s boyfriend. Hell, he wasn’t even his friend. And considering the kind of “friends” Zach had, besides that great boyfriend of his, he was very happy not to be one of them. He was the opposite that attracted, and the one thing that Zach would sooner or later come back to.
Good.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 13

2008-08-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Note: NC-17. Ooh, scary!

It felt good, so good.
… To keep his mouth shut and let his body do the talking.
It was hard to forget, and harder to forgive, but hardest of all to stop once he’d started. Zach shuddered, trying not to savor the feeling of Gentry’s tongue against his tip. He was unexpectedly gentle this time, slow and warm to the touch, his mouth waking every nerve it slicked over with sudden, scorching need.
When that sharp spike of arousal took hold there was no denying it.
His fingers tangled into Gentry’s hair, and body ached and throbbed to life. He was rough. He was forceful—
But it felt right, and nothing else mattered now except release—
Release, he needed release—
And there was nothing teasing—
or self-indulgent about those short, erratic licks and the easy grasp of the rough palm around his stiff cock. He moved fast— so fast Zach needed to grip onto the table’s edge to support his wobbly knees, hold on tightly or risk falling off. No, he knew he’d fall, just knew it— And when his tip slid down Gentry’s throat, he just lost it.

His knees gave in and his grip slackened, but Gentry caught him before he hit the ground.

Zach jerked touchily. The cool air brushed over exposed skin and the musky scent of cum jerked his senses awake. He dazedly glanced down to where Gentry was crouched, looking back up at him.

God.

Gentry looked away and fumbled for the tissue packet on the table, which Zach awkwardly slid into his hand. He glanced at the burn marks that flecked the skin but decided not to mention them.
“Where did you learn that?” he asked, feeling dumb as soon as the question stumbled from his lips.
“… Not in school.”

Damn.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 12

2008-08-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

“Did your so-called boyfriend tell you to wear that?”

Zach gave him a sly look.
If he hadn’t taken the hint before, it had definitely hit him by now— hell, it had been shoved right up tos nose.
“It was my idea to mock Nasty, I already told you. What did you think?”
“That for someone who makes sense, you’re under-producing.”
And the worst part was that… he wanted to egg him on. Screw that. He was already egging him on. What was there to gain except headache and heartache? Nothing. Yet here he was, all too eager to encourage him …
There was a word for that: MASOCHISM.
“I already told you, it was my idea to mock Nasty. You should know, I don’t ever do things because people tell me to—”
“Whatever. Just keep that slobbering public affliction of yours away from here.”
“And for what it’s worth,” He paused, and quietly added, “he’s a good kisser.”
The reply came immediately.
“Then you’re either numb or don’t remember what a good kiss is like.”
“All right, all right. Enough!” Zach slapped his palms on the table, “I have a boyfriend now. I know, you know, I’ll keep him away, all right?”
In one fluid motion Gentry pulled his tie and kissed him. His fingers were clenched around the soft dark satin, loosening the knot as he slid his tongue over the edge of Zach’s upper lip, before pushing inside.
Zach’s heart jumped into his throat and skipped a beat. He moved to shove him away, yet Gentry pulled back before that could happen, getting away with the smug satisfaction that the startled face peering back at him was caused by one person. Only one person.
“This is cheating.” Zach rasped gruffly. “Enough already—”
“No more talking.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Zach frowned, watching Gentry rise from his seat and move behind him.
“Zach.” He slung his pale arms over his shoulders, sliding steady hands over the rigid joints.
“What.”
“If you don’t want it,” he kissed the back of his neck, “say so.”
Zach remained silent.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 11

2008-08-06T15:18:00.000-07:00

But before they could leave the ring, Zach eyed the clock and concluded,
“That rang a half hour too early.”
Mikey gaped up at the clock, “Oh.”
“A half hour?” Gentry mumbled, with apparent disbelief, “I thought we had more time.”
“A half hour is plenty of time,” Mikey replied with labored good will.
“Not if we’re going to be on time for practice.” Said Gentry, not because it needed to be said, but because he wanted to have the last word. In turn, Mikey decided he would let him have the last word— yet it was he who would have the last laugh.
“I’ll be able to watch you this time. Keep things fabulous,” he leaned and leisurely kissed Zach a second time, murmuring, “the GSA’s counting on you.”
“…But I’m not in the GSA anymore.”
Gentry flicked a grin at Mikey, who lowered his voice to drawl,
“You should be. Well, Zach. I hope you’re as proud of yourself as I am of you.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“No reason. Just looking out for you. Oh. We’re having a GSA fundraiser tonight. It’d be cool if you could show. Just don’t wear baggy pants, because the parents will be there.”
“Why not? Isn’t the GSA all about accepting differences?” asked Zach, who didn’t care about having the last word or the last laugh, as long as he could make his point.
“Well, it’s your choice,” Mikey shrugged again and kissed him a third time, “if you want to look like a gangster.”
“He’s always looked like a gangster.” Gentry snapped meanly. Zach shot him a look that said ‘stay out of this.’ Gentry returned it with a look that said ‘Go fuck yourself’, but stayed out of it anyway.
“Well, Zach.” Said Mikey, “Have fun with the rest of your tutoring. If he’ll let you, hah.”
Zach pulled away, “All right, bye Mikey.”
“Bye, Zach.”
Gentry mutely watched him leave, then turned to Zach the moment the door slammed shut.
“You want to know the point of Wuthering Heights?” he asked quietly, “I’ll tell you. Heathcliff and Katherine don’t try to change each other, that’s the damn point.”
Zach shot him a look of potent “don’t even start.”
But Gentry continued,
“Don’t look at me like that. Yeah, there are other points. Missed opportunities, prejudice, bitterness. But the most important one is that they love each other as they are.”
Zach stared back at him blankly, then loosely shrugged his shoulders,
“Oh please,” he drawled in that over-confident way of his, “If I wanted to learn how to be in a relationship, I wouldn’t read Wuthering Heights! Heathcliff and Katherine are selfish pricks who don’t know the first thing about love.”
“Yeah, and you’re the expert on love.” Gentry murmured.
“What?”
“Nothing. You don’t get it anyway.”
“What’s there to get?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
He pulled at the black tie Zach wore over his white t-shirt.
“You never wore ties before… do you want to start a gay debate team?”
“What are you talking about?” Zach pulled the tie from his hands, “I can wear a tie if I want to, I don’t need a special occasion. But if you want to know, Nasty wanted me to more formal, and now I am. I’m making fun of her.”
“You’re making fun of yourself.” Gentry scoffed, “Make up your mind. You look like a gangster fag running for office.”
“Fag?” Zach paused, then sharply spat, “For someone who says he isn’t gay, you pay a lot of attention to clothes.”
“Who said anything about clothes? I don’t care about clothes. I just liked you better in baggy pants.”
Zach fell into his chair and leaned back, lowering his head to impishly glance up at Gentry. Zach didn’t always catch on right away, but once he did…
“No; you liked me better without Mikey.” He kicked at his shoe under the table.
“Jealous?”
“I’m not jealous. Why would I be? You can play house with whatever you like.”
Silence.
“Did your so-called boyfriend tell you to wear that?”

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 10

2008-08-04T01:52:00.000-07:00

Note: Thank you so much for the comments! They make my week every time. If there is anything you want me to read, post a link in the comments section.

Zach slid up onto the table, shoulders slouched, with his legs dangling over the edge. He had that look on his face. The kind Gentry knew he should look away from.
But didn’t.
To any normal person, it might have looked as if he were down in the dumps… But Gentry knew better.
“Did my comments help?” he asked quietly, although the answer didn’t interest him.
“Yeah, they did.” Came the disinterested answer.
One of his sneakers bumped against Gentry’s knee, which earned him a light shove and the tight-lipped question,
“Are you trying to be cute?”
“I don’t have to try.”
“—It doesn’t suit you.” Gentry crossed his arms, looked away. “So. The comments helped? Good, that means you learned something.”
Zach gave him a leveling glare, and spat,
“… Just that Wuthering Heights sucks more than I thought it did.”
That’s more like it, Gentry thought to himself.
“I re-wrote an already-shitty essay about the signifigance of weather in a horrible book with horrible characters who would be horrible people in real life. Heathcliff is a bitch, Katherine is a psycho; and there isn’t anything great or romantic about them. If they were alive today, they’d be in some hospital for the criminally insane. The only thing the weather proves is that it was too weak to kill them off early.”
Gentry looked away with a sheepish close-lipped grin, which only seemed to make Zach more flustered. He knew that look. He knew it damn well.
“I shouldn’t have read the whole book. I knew what it would be about from the first page, and I knew I’d hate it.”
“You’d prefer a story abour nice, rational people perfectly content with their lives.”
“No.” Zach shot immediately, then added sharply, “I wouldn’t read any story because real things are better and movies are faster and if this was a movie, it would suck because there’s too much drama. These characters act like they’re in high school! Why can’t Katherine, Heathcliff, and the other fucked up breeders just behave like civilized human beings?”
“Because that defeats the point.”
“What’s the point?”
Gentry thought for a moment, slouching in his seat and burying a hand in his smooth red hair, pulling at it in frustration. Zach watched him closely, trying to arch his neck and catch a glimpse of his eyes.
“…Do I want to know?”
“Real life doesn’t have a point until people give it one. Books give meaning to life, that’s culture. Otherwise we’d be like animals.”
“We are like animals.” Zach argued, taking his book out and slamming it down. “The people in this book act like animals. And this book is definitely not my culture; There is no Estonian in it.”
Gentry sighed, “Why do we always argue argue argue…”
“I’m not arguing.”
“Yes you are. You’re always arguing.”
He was cut off by a knock on the glass door.
Gentry immediately looked up to see Mikey’s face pressed to the glass. He made a face which Zach missed when he turned to limply wave at him, grinning as he slid off the desk and tugged open the door. Gentry thought this was annoying, since he’d enjoyed the view.
“There goes sneaking up on you. Why do you lock this?” asked Mikey, drawling out each word while Gentry’s enthusiasm darkened to extreme annoyance.
“To keep people like you out.” Gentry muttered, but Zach talked over him,
“It’s easier to study when there’s privacy. You’re here early…”
Mikey leaned in to peck his lips, “Mmm, yeah, I am. GSA event got out early…”
He slung an arm around Zach’s shoulders, then stiffly said, “Hey, Gentry. How’s life treating you?”
“Never been better.”
Then the bell rang.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 9

2008-08-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

Every so often, Gentry found he fell asleep while seemingly awake. Sometimes he wondered which part was the dream, and which part wasn’t.
And it wasn’t a bad feeling... Not at all. It was good… real good.
Lonely shores spreading out to where the shore met the sky. Silky sand dunes and salty air… the gentle whisper of waves carressing the shore, the slow and even strokes of the tide against the sand… a gust of sea-breeze curling up against the water, and the warmth of sunlight radiating off of millions of tiny ripples…

A distant cry of a seagull.

Where the sun met the sky, safe from drowning and wet with life…

A distant cry of a seagull.

Far from the sands…

A distant cry of a seagull.

Daydreaming...

“I finished the second rough draft of that essay.”

Gentry woke from the comfortable emotion he’d been wrapped in, and simply glanced at Zach. Well. That explained the seagull.
Had he been asleep? Had he been daydreaming? He didn’t know, and he didn’t reply. He just stared at Zach, expecting him to say what he had to say. Squawk.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 8

2008-07-30T16:17:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This following scene (after the italic font) is graphic (NC-17!)
If you're curious but don't want to read it, the low-down is that Zach is frustrated at the business-like relationship (and sex) he has with Mikey. But Gentry isn't the solution... he's part of the problem!

“You know; I have a bed.”
“I know. But I wanna fuck you here.”
“Fine, I’ll let you.”
Zach groaned inwardly.
He knew what that meant… that afterwards, Mikey would roll back and limply demand his turn, because he never gave anything for free. A part of Zach was sickened by this unwritten “one for one” rule— of politely going along with sexual kinks rather than desiring them. Like the plush pig, letting someone use your body was a gift which upset a very delicate balance of control. And since he didn’t like owing anybody anything, Zach strove to maintain a positive balance.
Though occasionally… he wished he could stop thinking about it.
“Who said anything about letting?” he murmured, snapping the waistline of Mikey’s boxers down. Mikey jumped slightly, then went rigid as they were abruptly yanked down, and the cold air swept over his rigid sex.
“What if I just wanted to fuck you?” Zach pushed him against the sink, covering those blank white hands with his own, pressing the reddened palms to the marble countertop, “Don’t you want it?”
“…Zach?”
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t call it fucking---“ Mikey sighed, “it’s making love. Say it after me.”
Zach made a face and pulled away. He couldn’t stand those kinds of terms, not from anyone, not even—
“Turn around,” He said dryly, “and lean against the sink.”
Mikey spun to face him, and grinned a little as he leaned back with his elbows propped up on the marble counter. He impishly watched Zach slide to his knees, and inhaled sharply when those strong, dark fingers gave his erection a firm tug, and rubbed his thumb over the damp opening. Mikey’s stomach quivered and he grunted in pain, arching his back as Zach’s palm rubbed over the head of his weeping erection, and down the shaft. Slowly, deliberately. There was nothing teasing in his strokes, just his steady hand and firm strokes that came with it.
Above all things, it was consistant.
Zach approached sex the same way he approached everything else: thoroughly. But a grudging part of him was aware that this was not the same as homework… when he had sex, he actually got something out of it.
His tongue darted out over the heated skin, swirling around the swollen head.
Yet, some days, fucking Mikey felt more like servitude— Zach often found himself going through a checklist. Kissed? Check. Fingered? Check. Came? All right, A+.
Zach kissed his tip, and sucked it between his lips.

“Mm… Gods, Zach…”

But it would be illogical to have a boyfriend if you weren’t attracted to them. And Mikey was, by definition, a good boyfriend: he never hit him, never cursed, had a nice smile and held his hand when they walked to class.
“…don’t stop... Gods!”
Yeah. Mikey was a nice guy, Zach reasoned.
Though niceness aside, he preferred to fuck him from behind; shoving his face down so that he could fantasize…
Close his eyes and picture that robust body… battered yet intimidating, with its broad shoulders and powerful arms… the arched curve of his back and limbs which tensed from the slightest of touches. The sharp smell of chlorine and the dampness of his skin, the way his fine red hair stuck to it when he sweat.

Then it got good… real good.

Zach closed his eyes and started to thrust faster, a moment strained by Mikey’s plea:
“Fuck… pull out, you’re starting to leak.”
Zach jolted back to reality and pulled out, then irritably fell back against the door with crossed arms. Mikey cursed.
“Fuck. Too late. Quick, hand me a towel.”
Zach stiffly pulled it off the rack and dropped it into his hands.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 7

2008-07-28T00:18:00.000-07:00

Note: Thanks for the support and feedback! It makes my day.

He went home after practice that day, and saw Mikey quickly kiss Zach goodbye.
That ass wasn’t good enough for him. If Zach would have found himself a decent boyfriend, that would have been another story. Zach needed someone he could grind up against, not this pussy.
This guy—
Whatever. There was no use complaining. Zach would just keep doing what he needed to do, no matter how baffling that was. Fine.

Zach climbed into his mother’s car, giving Mikey a small wave goodbye. Mikey grinned, then spotted Gentry while turning to leave in the other direction.

He had always been baffled by this choice… Of all people, why a closeted freckle monster? Mikey decided he was a much better choice, since he was intelligent and sensetive, not a thick-skulled jock. What Zach had ever found in that lump of boy Mikey found downright baffling.
Whatever.

Their eyes met across the courtyard.
And it was at that moment that Mikey decided to ruffle his feathers, so he winked at him.

Gentry said nothing; he just turned and walked to the crossing, waiting right by the bus stop.
When Mikey passed, he shoved him into a bush.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 6

2008-07-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

Gentry parted his lips. But no words came out.
Zach waited for an answer, wide blue eyes aimed at him.
But he didn’t have one, so he simply said,
“If you don’t want to cheat, fine. But it will be harder.”
Zach sunk into his seat, weary-eyed at the realization of what he’d just insisted on. Learning a year’s worth of lit in the last weeks of school? Probably impossible.
Colleges would never ask about it or care to know, but there was still life outside school... beyond Handson. There were times when you just had to take setbacks into account. In this case, it came with the territory.
Well.
No one said he had to be happy about it.
Gentry gave a wry half-smile, and nudged Zach’s leg with his foot.
“Hey.”
“What?”
“How’d you survive middle school?”
“…I was homeschooled.”
Gentry nodded slowly.
That figured.
He privately decided that Zach was a lot like a tree. You either moved around it or chopped it down, but it wouldn’t bend like a reed no matter how hard the storm. At worst, he would end up a big old stump; cut down to size and worn down. He would be chopped to pieces, used for his raw material... his honor, his hard working nature, his sympathy. But even then, he would still be there, believing in what he believed in.
And deep in his gut, Gentry respected him for it.

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 5

2008-07-23T04:12:00.000-07:00

Note: Thank you for the feedback! I promise, the next few chapters won't be filled with this much bickering. This part just had to be written or it wouldn't get out of my head. It's long because the effect dies if I chop it into sections ^_^.

When the silence became too comfortable, Zach shot it dead.
“I’m halfway through the book.” He announced in a very serious voice, taking his seat opposite Gentry, “At this rate, I’ll be caught up in two days.”
The serious voice didn’t impress Gentry. He had seen that smile; he was not fooled for a second.
You like me, you son of a bitch. You can’t help it.
He kept an equally serious silence and thoughtfully sunk back into his chair; taking a deep breath, then nodding slowly in approval.
“Good.”
He wordlessly reached into his folder, drew out a manila folder, and slid it across the table. Zach caught it apprehensively, quickly glanced it over, then asked,
“What’s this?”
“Handson’s final.”
“…I’m not supposed to have this.”
Gentry gave a little smile, and answered softly, “Consider it a gift.”
“I’m not taking this.” Zach declared firmly, shoving it back over the table.
Gentry leered at him in disbelief, then pushed it back with the level reminder, “Do you know the trouble I went through to get this?”
“I don’t care; I’m not taking it. I never cheated, and I’m not going to start now.”
“You cheated on your so-called boyfriend.”
“That’s different,” Zach admitted defensively, “And piling on wrongs never made a right.”
“Handson’s cheating you out of your grade.”
“But---”
“Fight fire with fire.”
“Water can’t become fire--- It’s not me.” Zach exhaled angrily, and devoutly insisted, “I’m not going to cheat, because it’s wrong.”
Gentry sat up in his chair.
“You know what’s wrong?” he asked spitefully, raising himself to his feet and cirling the table, “School is wrong. Handson didn’t help you find a group. He just deducted points wherever he could.”
Beneath the logical argument simmered a note of resentment. He looked so hateful; A pile of sour intent which spoke each word as if it had happened to him, and had left a mark deep underneath his skin. Beneath the firm, weary-voiced intonation there was a latent disgust bubbling through to the surface, a long-held acidity which strained his features into a dry frown when he finished talking. He stopped pacing and glanced at Zach; his brooding gaze dared Zach to reply, so reply Zach did.
“I don’t like Handson, but that doesn’t change that I also fucked up.” he argued, “I should have been in Kylie’s group when he gave me the chance. I didn’t want to because he’d grade us harder… that was a mistake. But I still should have done the Romeo and Juliet assignment. I could have worked better---”
“You could have. And he could teach instead of torture.” Gentry replied heatedly. “He expects you to reach a standard so he can get paid, but he doesn’t want to do any of the teaching that will get you to that standard. So he grades you down if you don’t make it. You’re a crappy lit student, Zach. But you’re not an F.”
“It doesn’t matter what the hell I am or not! The percentages add up, even if the guy adding them is Handson. And I can’t cheat just because he cheated. Any way you look at it, a bunch of wrongs still don’t make a right.”
“The Right way isn’t always the Best way. Don’t you want to survive?”
“Who doesn’t! But I don’t want to survive as a cheater. It sets the wrong standard.”
Gentry moved behind him and slid his arms around his shoulders.
“Standards, hm? When I was in the office, I saw Kylie had a B+, and you had an F. We both know the grade doesn’t fit; is it really worth sacrificing your summer over? A dog could have earned the same grade with less effort.” he murmured in his ear, “You know… I went through a lot to get that Final. Try being thankful.”
Zach pulled out of his grasp, and exhaled loudly.
“I don’t want it, Gentry!”
He quietly reasoned that if any teacher could expect cheating in their class, it was Handson: That arrogant motherfucker with his 89.7%’s, an incompetent online-worksheets printing bozo who always left early, and graded you down for the color of your ink. Fucking A… Yet, on the other hand, if that logic were applied to shooting people, well… The fact was that Zach had never cheated nor shot anyone.
“That F will follow you throughout your school career.” Gentry said after a moment’s uncertain silence, in response to the wavering doubt which played over Zach’s face. Yet he didn’t look up.
“Do you want to get into a good college? Because colleges will look at it and judge your potential as a human being, only that F isn’t you. The only reason you have it is because you have too much academic integrity.”
Gentry taunted him with such conviction that Zach cynically wondered if he was trying to validate his own actions. He rested his cheek on one fist and warily peered across the table, to where Gentry has resumed his seat.
“You have to do what you have to do, otherwise people will do you.” He leaned in to stress with a slow-drawled, “Understand?”
“…No.”
“Then that’s your defect. If you don’t fight for yourself, no one will. Do you want to keep failing for the rest of your life? Everybody cheats. Learn it already.” Gentry exhaled in a low sigh, evidently frustrated as he continued,
“If you want to save your grade, go to Handson tomorrow and tell him that you were too involved in the GSA; that you were helpless, confused, and trying to find yourself--- and because of that, you didn’t try as much as you should have. Tell him you’ve changed.”
“--- I haven’t---”
“That doesn’t matter. It’s only words; so tell him you take full responsibility for your mistakes, but you want another chance on the Romeo and Juliet assignment. Or, a make-up assignment. Then walk away dejectedly when he turns you down. Badger him whenever you turn in an assignment. The next assignment you turn in will get a C-, so it won’t look suspicious when you get B’s on the others. Make sure to thank him for the C, and tell him you studied a lot. Ask him what else you can do. Then, for the rest of the weeks until the end of the year, wear your ugliest sweater. Don’t look too hot, and drink a lot of sugar water; Look tired and worn out so he’ll believe you when you say how much you’ve been studying.”
“You should be judged on merits and work, not sugar water. This is all bullshit---”
“Handson is bullshit.”
“But it’s not right---”
“So why should you be?”
“Because you can’t criticize someone if you aren’t better than them! I can’t just support their behavior by giving in.”
“You also can’t criticize them if you flunk high school.” Gentry raised his voice and his eyes, “High school isn’t about how smart you are, how creative you are, or how you stick to your guns. Guns are illegal here. The only thing you learn in high school is bullshitting, and if you want to make a difference in the world you shut up when you need to, otherwise you go down early. That’s what Handson’s trying to do; He wants to destroy you before you have a chance to accomplish anything. And he has the power to; unless you beat him at his own game.”
Gentry’s raving proclamation ended in dry silence. When he didn’t mumble, he had a strong voice, ripe with conviction. It was a voice which inspired understanding and above all, faith.
Faith forged from distrust, knowing that nothing could be relied on except for disappointment and domination. That teachers were only human, and it was every man for himself— and the moment you accepted that as your gospel, you knew that you could only rely on yourself to get what you wanted.
Nothing else mattered— The body and mind were only survival tools.
But then…
there was no way to justify something like this, there was no compromise here he could live with. After all, it only took one missing brick to crumble a wall. To some people cheating meant nothing, but not for him. Was a belief worth a grade? A summer? A lifetime? Were beliefs worth anything at all? He didn’t need to think twice.
Enough was enough. Zach rubbed his sweaty palms on his arms, and spoke up without wavering,
“Gentry.”
At the end of the table, his favorite rival looked up with smoldering eyes, watching with great interest as the emotions played out over his face. Probably wondering why he never felt them, and why this was such a difficult choice. The window behind his head filtered sunlight through the blinds, which lit his red hair and glinted across his eyes.
“Can you tell me one thing?” asked Zach, tense as the air.
“What?”
“When does the bullshiting end?”