Monday, October 29, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 6: Part 4

“Mrs.Sunshine says you aren’t making progress.”
Gentry glanced at her from the couch, cradling a schoolbook on his stomach and balancing it with his knees. He absent-mindedly flipped through the pages, vaguely registering his mother’s presence by the tingling feeling of uneasiness that tremored through his veins. There were so many different kinds of silence, and shameful quiet that lingered over his house was the one he hated most.
“She wants me to spend more time with dad.”
Sophia froze, then quietly said, “Are you still seeing that boy?”
“Hm.” She glanced into a dusty corner with a distant look in her eyes as she said, “I’m going to Church, Gentry.”
“Then go.”
She pulled on her coat, “I want you to go with me.”
“Take Dad with you.”
“He already goes… every weekend.”
“Great wonders that’s been doing for him. Now he just eyes the alter boy.”
He felt a twinge of satisfaction when he saw the ill look on her face. He could make her sick if he wanted to.
“Don’t give me that look. You knew what he did in my room every night. You walked in on it once and slammed the door.”
“Gentry…” she spoke tersely, “I’ve forgiven him.” Her nervous fingers tied a limp pink jacket over her white shoulders, “Because we all have sins, and you’re no exception to the rule. Now put on your coat, we’re going to Church.”
“It’s not your place to forgive him.”
“It wasn’t your place to tempt him. He’s repenting for what he did, he’s making progress.”
The schoolbook thudded onto the floor, dust scattering into the air like dandelion puffs.
“He’s sorry? That’s it? I’m sorry I’m related to him.” Gentry snarled as he pulled himself off the couch.
Sophia hung her head down the way she often did when there was nothing meaningful she could say, “There is nowhere we can turn. No one could understand us, and therefore no one can help us. You know that. No one sees things from a human perspective. Gentry... he’s repenting his sins, and you should too.”
Gentry held a breathless silence, as the blood rushed through his veins. It rushed and channeled as if the dust in the air compelled it to, those ghostly dandelion heads of dust.
“He only stopped because I got too old and too freckled. And soon, he’ll move on, and fuck some other guy the way he fucked Carly. Fuck their ass, then fuck with their mind long after he’s moved on.”
“Don’t… curse.”
“Don’t be so polite!” Gentry’s hand was balled into an angry fist, nails digging into reddened skin, “There’s nothing to be polite about. You slammed the door, Mom. You slammed it because there was nothing polite about what you saw!”
“How is it different from what you regularly do?” she exclaimed, her face reddening, “You… have sex with boys, Gentry. I don’t want to point out the obvious, but it is what you do.”
He gazed at her tensely. There were things that went unsaid, things you knew but never mentioned.
“I cleaned your cum off the bedsheets the next day.” She said quietly, “We all have flaws, Gentry. Now, please get your coat. We’re going to Church.”
“I didn’t want it.”
“You weren’t fighting, either.” She looked away, “Get your coat, Gentry.”
Gentry spitefully pulled to the corner table, picked up the china vase and hurled it to the ground.
“I didn’t want it.”
Sophia stared at the mess blankly, then looked away.
“I didn’t want it!” Gentry screamed.
“You have a disease, Gentry… I… I-I’m not mad at you. But--- as long as you live here… I expect you to do something about it.”
“I’m not sick!” his hands shook, “I liked what I had with Zach!”
“It was different; I could bear him touching me. I wanted him to, I still do! It was different from Dad---”
“Enough.” She made a face and looked away, tears in her eyes as her voice remained soft and even, “I don’t want to hear about it. If you won’t come to Church… you can pack your things.”
The dusty silence reigned again, settling like snow over the old parlor.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 6: Part 3

Do you think I should start updating on Wednesdays too? XD

“Gentry, have you thought about boys this week?”
Ms. Sunshine’s droll monotone jolted him back to the tiny gray office and the plastic-covered couch on which he sat. It was like buzz of an alarm clock, methodical and annoying. Now her small-lipped face peered down at him, pupils dilated as she waited for a reply.
“That’s a hard question.” Gentry said slowly, “I haven’t been thinking at all this week.”
Ms.Sunshine scribbled a few words on her notepad, then glanced up at Gentry with her droopy black eyes, “Explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain you stupid bitch. Take that notepad and stuff it up your opinionated ass.” he thought to himself.
But instead of saying it, he shrugged and looked in the other direction, “Yeah, I might have thought about boys. Or maybe not. I don’t remember.”
“Gentry.” She furrowed her brow, “you are headed down a long, dark path. Gays don’t end happily, I want you to remember that. They have long, hard, miserable lives filled with anguish and pain. Homosexuality can’t be cured, but it CAN be suppressed. And with suppression and oppression of your feelings, you might find happiness.”
“If you suppressed yourself from being here I’d find true happiness.” Gentry thought, but instead replied, “Finding happiness is cool. I support finding happiness.”
“Have you been praying?”
Have you? Gentry thought what he didn’t say, scowling as he leaned back into the folds of the office’s plastic-covered sofa. He eyed the fake plant in the corner and the fishbowl on the table, thinking of ways to rearrange them.
“You need to pray more. You cannot change unless you’re serious about it.” Insisted Ms. Sunshine, “Are you dating any girls?”
“No.” Gentry replied, finally deciding the fishbowl did not have the adequate equipment to support life and that the goldfish inside would die within a week. That was because a goldfish grew relative to its environment, yet its organs never stopped growing. So it would die a long, miserable death in that polished bowl. He also noticed that the fake plant needed dusting and that Ms. Sunshine would look better with a nose job.
“Are you spending more time with your father?”
Ms. Sunshine sighed, “Boys learn traits from their fathers… such as manliness. So, I urge you to spend more time with him to gain the masculine traits you currently lack. But I’ll tell you honestly, Gentry. You aren’t making any significant progress. I am worried for you--- I’ll have to talk to your parents if that’s all right.”
“Do whatever you want.”The round white clock on the off-white wall ticked and tocked with vulgar accuracy, saying more to him than Ms. Sunshine’s words ever would. Some days he wondered why he talked at all, when every word could be used against him.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 6: Part 2

Gentry slammed the locker angrily. Fuck.
He knew what that look meant; that stupid mix of cow-eyed hurt and confusion. He had seen it before, didn’t need to see it again.
“Gentry. I saw the picture.”
No, really. Well, there was the confirmation he needed. His mind drew a blank as those four words resonated through the empty locker room. And there stood Zach, with his hands unknowingly curled into fists and lips pressed flat together. Gentry had never wanted to punch him harder.
“What your dad did to you is wrong.” That grating voice almost stumbled over the words it formed. In response Gentry took a deep breath and closed his eyes to think.
“Gentry. I didn’t know---”
“It’s mine.”
“The picture. Give it back.”
“Why would you want to keep it? Does it turn you on, Zach?”
“What your dad did to you was disgusting.”
“Then give it back.” Gentry said with an urgent discomfort, “No one else needs to see it.”
The memory was his, that picture belonged to him. No one else, no one. He never wanted to see it again, yet here it was; a silent reminder of something he should’ve burned but never could bear to look at, something he should’ve thrown away but couldn’t bear to part with. His father had documented it, Carly had stolen it, and now Zach had it in his grip. Everyone but the rightful owner---Violated again and again.
“I’m not giving it back. I’m giving it to the police.”
His heart throbbed in his chest, and he felt a cold sweat of fear break out over his skin. He had no right--- it was not his memory. Zach never had his father give him that funny look. He never had to wonder what a hug meant, never had to wake up in the middle of the night to see his father standing in the doorway with that hunger in his eyes. No, Zach could sleep at night because he never kept the vow of silence. This was not Zach’s place. Not Carly’s. No one’s but his. Gentry feigned calmness and asked,
“What do you want for it, Zach?”
“Nothing,” his features twisted in disgust, “because I’m giving it to the police. Other people might be at risk.”
Gentry slammed him against the table. The wooden structure shook as he fought to restrain Zach’s hands over his head.
“It’s not your business.” Gentry breathed with a low growl in his voice, “Don’t make decisions on things you don’t understand.”
“I don’t need to understand to know that he poses a risk.” Zach kicked up at him, only to be forced into the table again. This time, the edge chafed into his spine.
“Don’t TALK to me like that.”
“I can do what I want.”
Gentry gave him a searing look then pulled away. Zach pulled himself onto his feet again and exclaimed,
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t you want to punish him for what he did? Your dad’s a creep.”
“My dad made a mistake. My family moved here because of it. I lost everything.” He inhaled jerkily, failing to meet Zach’s eyes, “I’ve spent years trying to move on and be as normal as possible. Don’t drag me back.”
“This isn’t about you. He could hurt other people.”
“You’re the only one hurting people.” Gentry pulled close again and Zach flinched. There was a note in his tone that seared, a rawness that hit like an iron pressed to skin. It wasn’t an observation, it was a full out accusation.
“If anyone else finds out, my family will become a freakshow. People didn’t care about me before, why would they care now? Zach, it’s so obvious…” his heart pounded in his chest, straining each breath and every word, “everyone is just waiting for the fall; they’ve been jealous all these years. They pretend to care but then they talk behind my back, and they’ll wonder how I could be my dad’s assmonkey despite being so normal--- being such a man. They’ll wonder if I’ll fuck their kids, too. That’s all they will talk about--- It’s the only thing they’ll see. It’s entertainment to them, fucking entertainment, Zach---”
His voice broke.
“---but not to me. This is my life… It’s mine.”
There was no other sound in the room but that of his own heavy breathing. It felt as if he were drowning, getting pulled deeper and deeper into murky black. He slid up against the wall and down to the ground, wrapping his arms around his legs.
The tears stung his eyes, and he knew when the first one coasted down his cheek the others would follow. They were unstoppable like the ocean.
“Are you crying?”
Zach pressed his lips together, averting his eyes. He couldn’t see this, couldn’t bear to hear it either.
“I have to give it to the police. Gentry--- do you want this to happen to other people?”
“I don’t give a fuck.” Hissed the redhead, “Other people never cared about me. Why should I care about them? You talk about helping everyone, Zach, but what did everyone ever do to help you?”
Zach frowned, and reached his hand out only to have it hit away.
“You’re worse than Carly, Zach. At least Carly was fucked up enough to know what he was dealing with.”
Zach winced at the comparison, and Gentry felt sick satisfaction even as he sensed the footsteps throbbing on the floor, audibly moving farther and farther away.
“You can replace everyone, Zach. But you can’t replace me.”

Friday, October 19, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 6: Part 1

Gentry's father in his own words.

Nine-year-old boys are angels. Soft skin, soft cries and soft voices if you know how to play them right. But they can also be mischievous little devils, something I know firsthand. I was lucky enough to be the proud father of one, and I must admit it’s cute how they don’t know the appeal their little bodies have--- or how nature works. But God, do they know how to work their nature. And once you take control and use their body right, they come back to you. They get to wanting it, grow to like it. Sometimes they get to love you the way you loved them.
But like all good things--- an ice cream, a day at the beach--- it never lasts. They age, grow out of it, fade like flowers. They lose their innocence and become so vulgar… but for a brief moment, you’re theirs and they’re yours. They learn a little bit about life and sexuality and you get to hold them through it. But still, I believe you’d agree that it’s a pity something so beautiful has to end.
My son was a real head-turner. He had bright red hair then, before it dulled out. The freckles fit, too. Every night I could, cuddled him and pleasured him until he came. It was hard to describe, but I know from his body reaction that he enjoyed it. Anyone would have touched him; It’s only natural to love your children. I’m only angry that I wasn’t the one to break him in. Someone else took that from me. Just like they took that picture. It wasn’t anything I’m ashamed of, but society would never understand the love I had for my son. I never hurt anyone, and the damage my son suffers now is because of a society that told him this was wrong and that people who introduce children to pleasure are ‘perverts.’ When I look at that picture, I see a man making love to a boy, not a pervert. I can’t believe someone took such a private moment from my house; Such a beautiful picture.
I need to get it back before it would leads to some ugly consequences.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 5: Part 14

The moment Zach clicked open the door Zeus came running out, scrambling as fast as his little pig legs could carry him. In a moment he was gone, leaving Zach behind to blink and gape bewilderly, wondering what might have caused such a reaction out of a normally docile animal. Suddenly he picked up on the frantic, angry chattering of teeth. There it was. Pressed into the corner--- A potent ball of red fur.
“OUT!” Zach yelled, cringing in a mix of fear and anger, “Out you fucking animal! Go back to your owner!”
The guinea pig’s dark eyes glinted and it clicked its teeth menacingly. Zach shivered in fear and loathing.
As if sensing his fear and reveling in the power it gave him, the red ball of fur squealed loudly and knocked over the neat stack of envelopes on the table just as it jolted between his legs and out the door.
Zach quickly slammed it--- falling back as he gripped the doorknob. That thing didn’t run from him--- it exited the battle scene with a piggy war cry. At least the terror was gone. Warily, Zach surveyed the room and contently noted it was tidy and untouched except for the letter pile. He slowly backed away from the door and bent down to pick up the envelopes, sorting through them with bored interest. His eyebrows arched up when he noticed one was for him--- delivered no more than one day ago. It had no return address, and had nothing printed on it except the words ‘for Zach’ in a nervous, spidery font. Although he squinted at the text, he couldn’t recognize the handwriting. With wary slowness and painstaking deliberation, he opened the letter. But it was empty.
Why would someone send an empty envelope?
Inquisitively, Zach pushed the sides together, and a glimmer of light bounced off the inside. He reached deep inside and pulled out a photo, which he held close to his eyes in order to make it out. The moment he realized what it was, his hands shook and he dropped it to the floor.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 5: Part 13

“You let him get to you.”
Gentry brushed past Carly, silently storming away from the locker rooms before the team could catch up with him.
“You fucked up, Gentry.” Carly pulled him back, “You ruined it. I’m sending him that picture.”
Gentry hit him away, “Stop fucking taunting me. I lost, so get it over with.”
Carly pulled away with a shove, “You pitied him, didn’t you? He made you pity him. Is that it? Is that how you lost?”
“How can you be so sure? What kind of moron wouldn’t take the chance to use your sympathies in their favor?”
“Never underestimate morons.”
Carly’s nostrils flared and his eyes widened with a reckless, vicious rage, “Did you let him win?”
“No.” Gentry replied, “He didn’t want pity, he wanted war. And I gave it to him. I lost, so send him the spoils.”
“You aren’t going to try to stop me?”
Gentry stood up, “Don’t need to. You’ve dangled that picture over my head long enough.”
“But--- what about Zach? He’ll never want to touch you again after he sees it.”
Gentry pushed Carly aside again, brushing past him.
“Don’t talk about him.”
“What’s happened to you, Gentry? You think he’ll still lust after you and want you to touch him after he sees it? You may think he’s great and you love him, but the truth is you don’t know what love is. You can’t, no matter what happens you’re still damaged and wrong.”
He was quiet for a long while. The wind was blowing through the trees, whipping the leaves from the branches. The sky was a glistening gray, standing out against the new green foliage. It was not clear whether the storm had ended or was just beginning, but a gray horizon loomed uneasily in the distance. The redhead solemnly turned back to Carly and let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“I know.” He said softly, “But at least you won’t control me with your stupid threats anymore. That picture was dangling over me like a sword on a rope, and I don’t know what Zach will do with it. But I hope that I’ll never see your face again.”

Monday, October 8, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 5: Part 12

Thanks for reading this far. Every comment I read makes my day ^_^! I bet you saw this coming...

Zach’s bare feet were at the edge of the pool, the sun beating down at his back. Gentry was beside him, but seemed far away.
The moment the whistle sounded, both boys leapt into the water with unrivaled thirst.
Arms stretched and breath was stolen, an unspoken fury crackled through the water like lighting.
The sweat turned the pool salty, limbs cut through the water and the water fought back.
The whistle rang out again, and Gentry shot up from underneath the water, gasping air into his lungs.
The coach’s voice rang out, overwhelming all senses, “Zach Tyler!”
Zach’s eyes flew open and his mouth parted as the coach pulled up his hand.“By one second and three milliseconds, Zach Tyler is the winner!”

Friday, October 5, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 5: Part 11

Thunder grumbled in the distance. Gentry moved under the slanted roof of an empty building, sitting on the dry ground and peering forward listlessly. Zach cast him a lonely look, then wordlessly sat beside him. The rain pitter-pattered on the ground, starting to come down harder and flooding the school fountain. Silence hung over the weepy landscape like a fog.
“I said fuck off.”
“You can fuck off.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then we’ll just sit like this.”
An uneasy silence followed, and Zach shivered into his wet clothes. If the other boy was going to be quiet, so was he. And here they were, mutely shivering, both keeping their proud and resolute silence, tired eyes watching the rain puddles merge and slowly cover the court. It was almost as if they were both liquid, falling together and melting into one.
“Are you trying to kill yourself again? Because cutting your wrists in a warm, comfortable room would be more humane.” stated Zach, wringing the water from his soaked clothing.
“I’m not killing myself.”
“Then why are you sitting here? Class is almost half over.”
“I like rain.”
“Yeah, who doesn’t. I like sunshine but I don’t miss class for it.”
“It’s my favorite weather.”
Zach peered at Gentry in curiosity, and a moment later looked away irritably as he replied, “Then I’ll stay with you until it’s over.”
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re the one who wants to sit in the rain.”
The silence that settled now was anything but awkward. It was comfortable, even meaningful. It was an elevated silence, like breezy clouds that rose high above the stormy conflicts and fights that had littered the past few months.
Zach shivered violently, and gasped in surprise when he felt Gentry sling an arm around his shoulders and pull him close. Despite the weather and his demeanor, he was warm to the touch. Zach felt himself relax into his strong arms, guiltily savoring every bit of stolen warmth.
“And you’re the one sitting with me, despite all the ‘nerve’ I have.” Said Gentry, in a soft voice that was uncharacteristically warm.
“Can I tell you a something, Zach?”
Zach glanced at him warily, then slowly, thoughtfully drawled, “Okay. Shoot.”
“In a few weeks, my dad will come here to work in the office. He’ll be in the room next to Miss Nasty’s. Avoid him.”
“Because. Just stay away from my parents, Zach.” He looked away, “stay away from his office. It’s on the far right side. If you don’t listen, I’ll make you.”
“How will you make me? If you’re afraid your parents will know you’re---”
“I don’t care about my parents.” Gentry growled, “Just stay away from them.”
The rain had stopped now, leaving behind a landscape that was both ravaged and new. The air smelled like soggy wood and felt like dewy new leaves against the skin. The sky shed its clouds to reveal a shade of blue so moist you could almost drink it and so wet that the birds flying through it seemed to swim. And here was Gentry, shivering wordlessly. It appeared as if he might cry, but there was something proud that didn’t let him. Instead, his eyes were averted towards the ground and his arms were tightly crossed to hide that he was shaking.
After stealing a few looks in his direction, Zach reached out and unfurled the redhead’s fist. Then, he intertwined his fingers with Gentry’s and pulled him into a soft embrace. The moment the redhead felt a pair of soft lips press against his, he arched his neck and leaned into the kiss. It was wet and smelled like rain, but it wasn’t cold at all.
He held onto that warm hand, held onto it as if it was the only thing that could save him from a gentle drowning. He kissed him as if he would never see him again, kissed him as if he depended on him for air, for warmth, for love.
But once bell rang, Gentry forced himself to pull away and get up onto his feet again. He knew it wouldn’t--- couldn’t--- last.
“Goodbye, Zach. Good luck in the competition. You’ll need it.”
“No,” Zach thought to himself with a twinge of sympathy, “You will.”