Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 16

Thank you for the reviews! They absolutely made my week :)! If you wrote anything, I want to R&R it! I'll be lurking on Inkspill to pester you for updates (it's been a while since Cutter ended!)

Drama usually started out of boredom.
Few people were more bored than Kylie.
She sat listlessly on the bleachers by the pool, eyes bulging, one hand in her stick-straight hair, bottom lip pushed out and upper lip sucked in.
Any moment now.
This was the big day. Everyone in the locker room knew it would happen, except perhaps two people. No one ever told Zach anything, and Gentry didn’t need to know yet. Around this time Sydney or Mike or one of the guys probably found an excuse to usher him out…
Kylie hunched over her knees, a grin spreading over her bubble-gum lips.
Any moment…
When Gentry emerged, she beelined to him and chirped, “There you are! I was waiting for you.”
“Then you wasted your time.” Gentry dropped off the bag of waterweights he’d been carrying, and headed back to the locker room. Kylie blocked the door by letting herself fall against it, eying him up from underneath her heavily shadowed eyelids.
“You haven’t even heard what I wanted to say. ” she squeaked past a mousy grin, flipping her stick-straight hair over her ear. “Are you going to the prom with me, or what?”
“Why not?” she exhaled deeply, “I was on the committee, and I have one extra ticket…”
Gentry stared at her, focusing on the stale grimace of a smile and the squinted brown eyes. He let the seconds slip by, watching her pupils grow smaller and smaller while her adgitation grew larger and larger. She waited with barely parted lips and stiff fingers, unconsciously grinding her heel into the cement. Watching. Waiting. Perfume wafted through the air, one spray too strong, singing the senses rather than enticed them; thick as the concleaer that was buttered over her freckles. Flushed red fingers gripped at her bony arms, and her expression feigned an indifference that was too cool for school. Yet her heart was probably pounding in her chest, awakened by the realization that he was The One. The man to hold her tight, the warrior to lift her in the air and sweep her off her feet with his predatory elegance. How could she be a prom princess without the perfect prince? The realization hit her that might not only be turned down--- but that she would be a prom leftover. Her feelings hung on his answer. An answer he could care less about. An answer that held within its careless grasp her dreams of style and popularity.
Gentry felt downright giddy!
She looked like she was going to ask him again, but probably wouldn’t. It wasn’t fashionable to. So she waited in stunned silence, watching for a reply or a sign other than that mind-numbing blankless in his features. Had they always been so empty?
Gradually, he sauntered to the locker room door and propped it open. The anxiety reaked beneath her perfume, and he responded by letting the silence surround them from all sides, rising with the dusk and stretching hours to minutes. Until time stopped.
“Well?” she squeaked out.
“I’ll go.” He said, before slamming the door in her face.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 16

Zach frowned and stormed past the others in the locker room, brushing past Gentry.

Gentry didn’t give him a second look. He brushed past, gliding forward with no expression on his face, no thought in his mind, no feeling underneath it all. Easy like the sun on the sea, and it made Zach hot with an all too familiar anger. In this kind of water, Gentry swam like one of the sharks; and it was so effortless that he probably didn’t even notice he was doing it. It was just something his body did, a second nature. His eyes would grow firm and distant, simmering down to dark nothing. The movements of his body became rigid and firm— head high, chest out, shoulders back. There would be a grating lead-heavy undertone in his voice, and just enough expression in his face to keep questions at bay.

Zach was amazed how fast he could adapt, sickly watching the change kick in— from the moment they set foot outside the library, just before they parted ways for practice. Had that always been there? Yeah.

“Hey, Zach.”
“Congrats on getting your time up. Just shave off thirty seconds for your backstroke, and you’ll be in good shape for Nationals.”
Zach gave him an odd look, shook his head slowly and turned his back. If no words needed to be exchanged, then none were. Here they rarely communicated beyond grunts and sneers; avoiding eye contact because Zach knew he would hate what he’d see leering back at him.

But this cold-blooded calm was a part of Gentry—not a split personality or even a contradiction. It was not as simple as a flaw or as complex as an alter-ego; it wasn’t even evil, it just was. A part of the whole, nothing more nothing less.

That part of him which moved through the locker rooms with predatory grace.

And every time he thundered through the double doors, the team would, for at least one moment, cast aside their suspicions. Because in these waters, no one was consistently faster, tougher, or more needed than Gentry Lee Johnson. No one was colder, no one was tougher— no one else could swim The Gauntlet. Not the way he did.
No one.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 15

The Library was a jungle, a wild fortress of books isolated from the blue-brick enclaves of Kennedy High. It was an island of quiet amidst the school, far from civilized rumors and pestering questions. There were all these silent corners, hidden from cement and walls people constructed around themselves.
But it wasn’t so much a physical place as an emotional place, a shore where no one could find him and he could be alone.
If he chose to be.
He let Zach into where he could perch aside and quietly watch him. Admire him. Love him, whether Mikey liked it or not. And he did love him; it was one thing he was certain of.
But the moment they were back in the locker room that place was far and gone, and they were far apart as the sun and the the sea. There was no other way— either you swam with the sharks or you drowned. Or, in Zach’s case, you were an unusually large piece of driftwood. Yes, driftwood.
Caught in the tumultuous ocean, tossed around in the tides, held down the breathless, heavy anxiety which tugged at his thoughts and weighed down his footsteps, making it hard to breathe every time the bell rang. It was this feeling which threatened to drown him, and weighed down on his mind whenever he packed up his books at the end of tutoring. It was the fear of leaving, of returning to the world outside. There was no way to justify his actions.
Not to them. Not to himself.
Which was why most days, it was like swimming against the current; and although Zach was no stranger to that, he had never swam against his own stream of beliefs. And there was no orientation if you didn’t know your position; when he loved Gentry and hated cheating, when he wanted change yet craved the familiar touch. His body said one thing, his mind said another, and most days Gentry didn’t say anything at all. Zach wasn’t used to thinking in any other way but the rational one; yet it was hard to be rational around Gentry. What was right always seemed to be what felt wrong, and what felt wrong seemed so right…
He felt like a stranger in his own skin, a hypocrite. How could you find yourself if you didn’t know where you stood? He didn’t know anything. Just that it was all wrong. That it all felt right. And that it all bore down on him, because it did not compute.

So he let his feelings run with the tides, only to have to reign them in and shackle them down around Mikey. But it was like trying to hide the sun, and every so often it would shine through a smile or a spark in his eyes, when his thoughts would wander…
Yet the rational part woke him up whenever the daydreams came down too hard, coolly reminding him that feelings weren’t everything. Feelings were like the weather, fickle as the sunshine.

And that feelings shouldn’t cause you to lose yourself...

Zach frowned and stormed past the others in the locker room, brushing past Gentry.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 14

Gentry would never admit that what he liked more than anything at that moment was watching Zach scramble out of the room. He had already known this would happen, and that it was only a matter of time. But he didn’t tell Zach that, because that would jinx a good thing: the moment Zach wanted to fight something, he would. So it was better to pretend things happened by accident— a glitch in a the system.
But boy, did he come back his senses quickly. Well, of course. This was Zach. And it was cute, the way he pulled up his pants, ran to the door, ran back because he forgotten his book…
Gentry mutely held it up to remind him, and Zach swiped it away before bounding out the door.
He was fast, all right. Fast fast fast, scurry scurry scurry. Gentry caught up with him down the hall, and bluntly asked him,
“What are you hurrying for? Is your boyfriend coming back?”
Zach took a labored breath but didn’t look at him when he said,
“Then why are you hurrying?”
“Why shouldn’t I! I’m not going to— stick around and cuddle or… fuck, I can’t believe you’re even asking.” Zach spat exhasperatedly, trying to walk faster in hopes of leaving him in the dust.
“Why not?”
“You know what we did was wrong.”
“You’re not my boyfriend.”
“Of course I’m not. I don’t want to be your boyfriend.”
“Oh, yeah?” Zach grumbled, shoving open the door only for Gentry to prop against the doorway.
“Yeah. I’d rather be the guy you cheat with.”
Zach grunted and shoved him aside.
“You— fuck it. Just—” he exhaled, “Take another route to the gym. If you don’t want people getting suspicious.”
Gentry stayed behind and watched Zach leave, a little smirk lifting the edges of his mouth. Damp hands locked around his arms, body pressed up against the librarian’s deserted counter; wondering, truly wondering, why Zach made such a fuss over it. It wasn’t a big deal. Boyfriend was a label, it didn’t mean anything unless you wanted it to. And he had meant it; he didn’t want to be Zach’s boyfriend. Hell, he wasn’t even his friend. And considering the kind of “friends” Zach had, besides that great boyfriend of his, he was very happy not to be one of them. He was the opposite that attracted, and the one thing that Zach would sooner or later come back to.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 13

Note: NC-17. Ooh, scary!

It felt good, so good.
… To keep his mouth shut and let his body do the talking.
It was hard to forget, and harder to forgive, but hardest of all to stop once he’d started. Zach shuddered, trying not to savor the feeling of Gentry’s tongue against his tip. He was unexpectedly gentle this time, slow and warm to the touch, his mouth waking every nerve it slicked over with sudden, scorching need.
When that sharp spike of arousal took hold there was no denying it.
His fingers tangled into Gentry’s hair, and body ached and throbbed to life. He was rough. He was forceful—
But it felt right, and nothing else mattered now except release—
Release, he needed release—
And there was nothing teasing—
or self-indulgent about those short, erratic licks and the easy grasp of the rough palm around his stiff cock. He moved fast— so fast Zach needed to grip onto the table’s edge to support his wobbly knees, hold on tightly or risk falling off. No, he knew he’d fall, just knew it— And when his tip slid down Gentry’s throat, he just lost it.

His knees gave in and his grip slackened, but Gentry caught him before he hit the ground.

Zach jerked touchily. The cool air brushed over exposed skin and the musky scent of cum jerked his senses awake. He dazedly glanced down to where Gentry was crouched, looking back up at him.


Gentry looked away and fumbled for the tissue packet on the table, which Zach awkwardly slid into his hand. He glanced at the burn marks that flecked the skin but decided not to mention them.
“Where did you learn that?” he asked, feeling dumb as soon as the question stumbled from his lips.
“… Not in school.”


Friday, August 8, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 12

“Did your so-called boyfriend tell you to wear that?”

Zach gave him a sly look.
If he hadn’t taken the hint before, it had definitely hit him by now— hell, it had been shoved right up tos nose.
“It was my idea to mock Nasty, I already told you. What did you think?”
“That for someone who makes sense, you’re under-producing.”
And the worst part was that… he wanted to egg him on. Screw that. He was already egging him on. What was there to gain except headache and heartache? Nothing. Yet here he was, all too eager to encourage him …
There was a word for that: MASOCHISM.
“I already told you, it was my idea to mock Nasty. You should know, I don’t ever do things because people tell me to—”
“Whatever. Just keep that slobbering public affliction of yours away from here.”
“And for what it’s worth,” He paused, and quietly added, “he’s a good kisser.”
The reply came immediately.
“Then you’re either numb or don’t remember what a good kiss is like.”
“All right, all right. Enough!” Zach slapped his palms on the table, “I have a boyfriend now. I know, you know, I’ll keep him away, all right?”
In one fluid motion Gentry pulled his tie and kissed him. His fingers were clenched around the soft dark satin, loosening the knot as he slid his tongue over the edge of Zach’s upper lip, before pushing inside.
Zach’s heart jumped into his throat and skipped a beat. He moved to shove him away, yet Gentry pulled back before that could happen, getting away with the smug satisfaction that the startled face peering back at him was caused by one person. Only one person.
“This is cheating.” Zach rasped gruffly. “Enough already—”
“No more talking.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Zach frowned, watching Gentry rise from his seat and move behind him.
“Zach.” He slung his pale arms over his shoulders, sliding steady hands over the rigid joints.
“If you don’t want it,” he kissed the back of his neck, “say so.”
Zach remained silent.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 11

But before they could leave the ring, Zach eyed the clock and concluded,
“That rang a half hour too early.”
Mikey gaped up at the clock, “Oh.”
“A half hour?” Gentry mumbled, with apparent disbelief, “I thought we had more time.”
“A half hour is plenty of time,” Mikey replied with labored good will.
“Not if we’re going to be on time for practice.” Said Gentry, not because it needed to be said, but because he wanted to have the last word. In turn, Mikey decided he would let him have the last word— yet it was he who would have the last laugh.
“I’ll be able to watch you this time. Keep things fabulous,” he leaned and leisurely kissed Zach a second time, murmuring, “the GSA’s counting on you.”
“…But I’m not in the GSA anymore.”
Gentry flicked a grin at Mikey, who lowered his voice to drawl,
“You should be. Well, Zach. I hope you’re as proud of yourself as I am of you.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“No reason. Just looking out for you. Oh. We’re having a GSA fundraiser tonight. It’d be cool if you could show. Just don’t wear baggy pants, because the parents will be there.”
“Why not? Isn’t the GSA all about accepting differences?” asked Zach, who didn’t care about having the last word or the last laugh, as long as he could make his point.
“Well, it’s your choice,” Mikey shrugged again and kissed him a third time, “if you want to look like a gangster.”
“He’s always looked like a gangster.” Gentry snapped meanly. Zach shot him a look that said ‘stay out of this.’ Gentry returned it with a look that said ‘Go fuck yourself’, but stayed out of it anyway.
“Well, Zach.” Said Mikey, “Have fun with the rest of your tutoring. If he’ll let you, hah.”
Zach pulled away, “All right, bye Mikey.”
“Bye, Zach.”
Gentry mutely watched him leave, then turned to Zach the moment the door slammed shut.
“You want to know the point of Wuthering Heights?” he asked quietly, “I’ll tell you. Heathcliff and Katherine don’t try to change each other, that’s the damn point.”
Zach shot him a look of potent “don’t even start.”
But Gentry continued,
“Don’t look at me like that. Yeah, there are other points. Missed opportunities, prejudice, bitterness. But the most important one is that they love each other as they are.”
Zach stared back at him blankly, then loosely shrugged his shoulders,
“Oh please,” he drawled in that over-confident way of his, “If I wanted to learn how to be in a relationship, I wouldn’t read Wuthering Heights! Heathcliff and Katherine are selfish pricks who don’t know the first thing about love.”
“Yeah, and you’re the expert on love.” Gentry murmured.
“Nothing. You don’t get it anyway.”
“What’s there to get?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
He pulled at the black tie Zach wore over his white t-shirt.
“You never wore ties before… do you want to start a gay debate team?”
“What are you talking about?” Zach pulled the tie from his hands, “I can wear a tie if I want to, I don’t need a special occasion. But if you want to know, Nasty wanted me to more formal, and now I am. I’m making fun of her.”
“You’re making fun of yourself.” Gentry scoffed, “Make up your mind. You look like a gangster fag running for office.”
“Fag?” Zach paused, then sharply spat, “For someone who says he isn’t gay, you pay a lot of attention to clothes.”
“Who said anything about clothes? I don’t care about clothes. I just liked you better in baggy pants.”
Zach fell into his chair and leaned back, lowering his head to impishly glance up at Gentry. Zach didn’t always catch on right away, but once he did…
“No; you liked me better without Mikey.” He kicked at his shoe under the table.
“I’m not jealous. Why would I be? You can play house with whatever you like.”
“Did your so-called boyfriend tell you to wear that?”

Monday, August 4, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 10

Note: Thank you so much for the comments! They make my week every time. If there is anything you want me to read, post a link in the comments section.

Zach slid up onto the table, shoulders slouched, with his legs dangling over the edge. He had that look on his face. The kind Gentry knew he should look away from.
But didn’t.
To any normal person, it might have looked as if he were down in the dumps… But Gentry knew better.
“Did my comments help?” he asked quietly, although the answer didn’t interest him.
“Yeah, they did.” Came the disinterested answer.
One of his sneakers bumped against Gentry’s knee, which earned him a light shove and the tight-lipped question,
“Are you trying to be cute?”
“I don’t have to try.”
“—It doesn’t suit you.” Gentry crossed his arms, looked away. “So. The comments helped? Good, that means you learned something.”
Zach gave him a leveling glare, and spat,
“… Just that Wuthering Heights sucks more than I thought it did.”
That’s more like it, Gentry thought to himself.
“I re-wrote an already-shitty essay about the signifigance of weather in a horrible book with horrible characters who would be horrible people in real life. Heathcliff is a bitch, Katherine is a psycho; and there isn’t anything great or romantic about them. If they were alive today, they’d be in some hospital for the criminally insane. The only thing the weather proves is that it was too weak to kill them off early.”
Gentry looked away with a sheepish close-lipped grin, which only seemed to make Zach more flustered. He knew that look. He knew it damn well.
“I shouldn’t have read the whole book. I knew what it would be about from the first page, and I knew I’d hate it.”
“You’d prefer a story abour nice, rational people perfectly content with their lives.”
“No.” Zach shot immediately, then added sharply, “I wouldn’t read any story because real things are better and movies are faster and if this was a movie, it would suck because there’s too much drama. These characters act like they’re in high school! Why can’t Katherine, Heathcliff, and the other fucked up breeders just behave like civilized human beings?”
“Because that defeats the point.”
“What’s the point?”
Gentry thought for a moment, slouching in his seat and burying a hand in his smooth red hair, pulling at it in frustration. Zach watched him closely, trying to arch his neck and catch a glimpse of his eyes.
“…Do I want to know?”
“Real life doesn’t have a point until people give it one. Books give meaning to life, that’s culture. Otherwise we’d be like animals.”
“We are like animals.” Zach argued, taking his book out and slamming it down. “The people in this book act like animals. And this book is definitely not my culture; There is no Estonian in it.”
Gentry sighed, “Why do we always argue argue argue…”
“I’m not arguing.”
“Yes you are. You’re always arguing.”
He was cut off by a knock on the glass door.
Gentry immediately looked up to see Mikey’s face pressed to the glass. He made a face which Zach missed when he turned to limply wave at him, grinning as he slid off the desk and tugged open the door. Gentry thought this was annoying, since he’d enjoyed the view.
“There goes sneaking up on you. Why do you lock this?” asked Mikey, drawling out each word while Gentry’s enthusiasm darkened to extreme annoyance.
“To keep people like you out.” Gentry muttered, but Zach talked over him,
“It’s easier to study when there’s privacy. You’re here early…”
Mikey leaned in to peck his lips, “Mmm, yeah, I am. GSA event got out early…”
He slung an arm around Zach’s shoulders, then stiffly said, “Hey, Gentry. How’s life treating you?”
“Never been better.”
Then the bell rang.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Because You Suck: Chapter 18: Part 9

Every so often, Gentry found he fell asleep while seemingly awake. Sometimes he wondered which part was the dream, and which part wasn’t.
And it wasn’t a bad feeling... Not at all. It was good… real good.
Lonely shores spreading out to where the shore met the sky. Silky sand dunes and salty air… the gentle whisper of waves carressing the shore, the slow and even strokes of the tide against the sand… a gust of sea-breeze curling up against the water, and the warmth of sunlight radiating off of millions of tiny ripples…

A distant cry of a seagull.

Where the sun met the sky, safe from drowning and wet with life…

A distant cry of a seagull.

Far from the sands…

A distant cry of a seagull.


“I finished the second rough draft of that essay.”

Gentry woke from the comfortable emotion he’d been wrapped in, and simply glanced at Zach. Well. That explained the seagull.
Had he been asleep? Had he been daydreaming? He didn’t know, and he didn’t reply. He just stared at Zach, expecting him to say what he had to say. Squawk.