Because You Suck: Chapter 13: Part 5

“The homophobia here is getting worse.” Stated Mikey, as Felix, Casey, and Kylie glanced at him wide-eyed, “Today, a can hit my head---”
“---Everywhere you go, there is now a poster.” Zach declared as he valiantly strode into the GSA, “I even put them inside the bathroom stalls.”
Mikey looked up and kissed him in greeting, “That’s nice.”
Casey nodded, while Felix vacantly stuffed another chicken nugget into his mouth.
“I put some on the ceiling in the weight room, too. And I used a step-ladder to cover the upper area of the library. I found a way to tape them so that they’re harder to remove. Hah!”
“Mikey got hit in the head by a can.”
“A can? Well. If that’s the best the homophobes can do, they are screwed.”
Zach gave a plunked his home-made lunch on the table, and leaned over to the others with a childlike eagerness, “I can’t wait to see how many are up tomorrow. Those homophobes will have quite a trip removing these.”
“That’s nice.” Murmured Mikey, taking a bite of his sandwich, “Oh, by the way. I’m getting a summer job working in the community theater. We’re making the puppet theater versions of things.”
“God!” Zach spoke up energetically, “I had to sit through this dumb play for lit--- the Puppet Version of Romeo and Juliet.”
“I saw that.” Murmured Mikey, “You’re energetic today.”
“It’s the coffee. Three cups! Keeps me going. Once I eat I’ll be fine.” Zach heaped sauerkraut on his cornbread, “If coffee is like beer, food balances out caffeine---”
The table exchanged odd looks with each other, and finally Mikey asked,
“Yeah… what are you eating?”
“Estonian soul food. Either way. I want that hour of my life back. Romeo was miscast, I wonder… what were they smoking?”
“Yeah…” drawled Casey exchanging a quizzical glance with Mikey, “he was a bit old. I don’t know--- 40?”
Zach nodded, “And he’s black!”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Casey demanded, a flicker of outrage in his normally sheepish face. This went unnoticed by Zach, who speedily replied,
“How many Black-British-Italian noblemen have you seen in the 1500s? This is a village in Italy, not 1960s Nigeria.”
“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.”
“Actors should be cast according to their role--- not according to a diversity standard.”
“Now you’re just racist.”
“I am black, why the hell would I be racist.”
“Half-black.” Corrected Mikey.
“Who cares! Would it be different if I was full black?” Zach slumped back, “I’m not racist, I’m just saying that a 40-year-old Black New Yorker shouldn’t voice a white Italian-British Romeo puppet. That’s like casting a girl to play a boy; it’s wrong.”
“I think boys can play girls and girls can play boys---”
“Yeah, I bet you also think Asian midgets can play Michael Jordan.”
“Racist.” Teased Mikey.
“I’m not racist. Directors need to type-cast, you can’t be color- or accent-blind.”
“Zach, you could be offending a lot of people.”
“I don’t care who I’m offending, I’m saying it as it is.”
Felix guffawed.
“Listen to me.” Zach lurched forward with a strained sigh, “If Romeo was a 40-year-old black New Yorker, the cast choice would make sense. But he’s not!”
“How many New Yorkers do you know? I couldn’t even tell he was black, much less New Yorker.”
“Then you were sleeping when the play was running, cuz it was clear as day.”
“This is voice acting---”
“But you said the actor was too old, wouldn’t that make you ageist?”
Casey chuckled, “He sounded old, dear.”
“Exactly. You’re not any more racist than I’m ageist; you just want an actor to fit the type. Age is one factor, but race is another. And race or no race, voices come from somewhere.”
“You sound so silly right now.”
“No--- Listen to me. If an actor just focuses on faking the accent, the performance goes to hell. That’s what happened at the Puppet Theater. I’d prefer a New York-accented Romeo anyday over that insult to a British accent. Who did he think he was fooling? Not even 1st graders watching Children’s Theater would fall for that.”
“I think everyone here agrees with me that you’re being racist…”
“I don’t care who agrees with you, it’s my opinion. Besides. Half-black or not, why the hell would I be racist!”
“Self-hatred, dear.” Replied Casey, coolly, “Not the first time I’ve seen it. Please lay off the coffee from now on.”
“I don’t hate myself.” Zach exhaled and fell back against his seat, “If at all, you hate me.”
“No one hates you, Zach.”
“Then why do you insult me for disagreeing with you?”
“Because you’re being stupid. Stupid and opinionated.”
“I’m not anymore opinionated than you are.”
“Technically, Zach, you’re only half black. And you’re not African American, you’re Estonian, so you can’t really represent black people. Now sit down and stop saying stupid things.”
“I’m not saying stupid things, but you’re saying insulting things. You’re the last person to tell me what the hell I am.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Tough! The GSA is supposed to be a place of diverse ideals and tolerance, yet since I’ve come here you don’t do nothing but put me down.”
“Then why do you continue to come here?”
“Because I like having friends with different views. What is this? First you were convinced I’m a homophobe, now you’re calling me a racist?”
“Okay everyone!” shouted Mikey, “Just chill. And Zach, stop being racist.” He made a motion with his hands, “Is anyone hanging up posters today?”