Monday, April 30, 2007

Because You Suck: Chapter 2: Part 33

Meet Mrs.Sunshine.

Mrs.Sunshine was an eternal pessimist. She was the kind of woman who would tell you to make funeral arrangements because there was a statistical chance you would die at some point. She was a narrow-shouldered woman with dark, limp hair that crawled down her back. Her large breasts were trapped in a dull gray sweater, with a crucifix that dangled between them. Gentry decided it was a good way to spread the word of the Lord.
“Have you thought about boys this week?” she asked, her listless face glancing at him.
“Really?” pale eyes narrowed skeptically.
Gentry toyed with the idea of replying,“It’s hard to think when my boyfriend’s around.”
But instead, he replied,”I don’t remember not thinking about boys until now, when you reminded me that I shouldn’t be thinking about them.”
The corner of Mrs. Sunshine’s mouth twitched in annoyance,”Today I’m going to try something new, because I know about the incident at school. I’m calling your parents in, okay?”
Gentry sat up,”What?”
The door opened, and Mr.Lee Johnson entered in, followed by Sophia who demurely took a seat next to Mrs.Sunshine.
“Well, I’m ready. Are you?” she flashed a hesitant smile at her son.
Gentry fell back sullenly, crossing his arms as Mrs.Sunshine spoke up.
“Homosexuality,” she took a deep, mournful breath,”in males is the result of a doting mother and an emotionally unavailable father. The urge for fatherly affection translates itself into a longing for a fatherly figure that is similar to an Oedipus complex… and results in seeking sexual gratification with other men.”
Gentry scowled. The last thing he wanted was another father. Sophia averted her eyes, and Mr.Lee Johnson stared coldly forward.
“The mother spends most of her time doting on her son to make up for the affection the father doesn’t give him, thereby feminizing the son.”
“If that’s true,” Gentry’s heated gaze fell on Mrs.Sunshine,”then the son of every single-mom should be a raging faggot.”
“Gentry!” Sophia scolded him.
“Don’t scold him for acting out,” said Mrs.Gold,”It’s normal for a boy with an emotionally distant father figure, which is why I recommend that Gentry spend more time with his father.”
Gentry stood up and stormed out without a word. He shook with anger, when suddenly the metallic jingle of his cellphone rang through his ears.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love love love it lol

so funny.