Zach gets bitchy! I used a gay slur here, but it's not meant to offend anyone. It's just in the context. A fag hag is a girl who hangs around gay guys just because they are gay and objectifies gay men the way some men objectify lesbians.
Mrs.Zimmerman was a stout woman with poofy hair and a high pitched New York Accent who was, according to Zach, so annoying she was banned in 49 states. She was the school’s only Drama teacher, and therefore, as she often referred to herself, ‘the best drama teacher in the department.’ However, she had the misfortune of having Zach in her class, and the larger misfortune of having no teaching ability whatsoever.
“Today, I ask all of you thespians… What is comedy?”
Zach’s hand rose up, alone in its cause.
“Comedy is making fun of someone’s misfortune.”
“That is not true.” Mrs.Zimmermen drawled with thinly veiled annoyance.
“It is! Basically, all comedy is when the person in the bad situation isn’t you, only it’s funny and usually has a happy ending.”
”It’s… much more complicated. Comedy is light and humorous drama with a happy ending.”
“Isn’t drama bad things happening to people who aren’t you?”
Mrs.Z ignored him,”Moving on… I am going to introduce you to my AIDS donation box. Once again, I don’t care what sexual orientation you have… especially if you are gay.”
Zach’s hand shot up again, “That makes no sense, what do you mean especially? Shouldn’t you just not care about orientation at all?”
“Zach, if you have anything to say, talk to me after class.”
“Fag hag.” Zach sneered under his breath.
“What was that? Was that a homophobic slur, Zach Tyler?”
Zach was tempted to reply that he sucked Gentry off on the weekends, but instead fell silent and let her resume talking.
“Now… do any of you have any comments on gay rights?”
Kylie’s hand shot up,”They are incredibly courageous individuals. Like… I have a gay friend, and when he came out, I was inspired to be bolder. So if I’m not sure about wearing an outfit, I just think of his courage and apply it.”
Zach rubbed his temples,”Good lord Kylie, if the only thing his coming out inspired was that you started wearing those tacky clothes, then he should have stayed in the closet.”
Kylie’s jaw dropped open and Mrs.Zimmerman yelled,”We will NOT tolerate those kind of remarks in the classroom. I do not like your attitude problem.”
Zach wondered if he would get brownie points for admitting he was gay. His lips curved into a smirk, “I have an attitude, but you’re the problem.”